Torontoist folding. No money in Toronto. [Torontoist]

In these days of Kool-Aid and poverty, we all dream of easy, dirty money. That's why a violent gang of Eastern European jewel thieves called the "Pink Panthers" are the new darlings of the media!

Some people just make us hate art and Nylon mag, even though we usually like them for their downtown oh-so-cool fashion cred. What do we learn about Art Basel through Kennedy's eyes? Well, we go to Walgreens, see a band, get bored, and begin to question the existence and point of Internet video content. Is it really worth it?

Oh, look, it's the 2008 Banker of the Year and recipient of $25 billion in government aid, Bank of America CEO Ken Lewis! What wisdom did he bestow on the sad Detroit Economic Club?

Yes, People is a softball celebrity magazine. But editor Larry Hackett has been defending his publication as a deeply ethical, serious crown jewel in the Time Inc. empire, despite its obvious kowtowing to powerful subjects like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Who the hell is he kidding?

"For those over 30 years old: hooking up is a casual sexual encounter with no expectation of future emotional commitment." So begins another god damn op-ed about wet, wild youngster sex.

Here's one of the LA Times' suggestions for "D.I.Y. Gifts" this holiday season. Uh...crack? [LAT]

You know what never gets old? Polish jokes! You know what really never gets old? A Republican Senator telling Polish jokes to a big group including Polish people, for kicks—dumb Polack kicks, ha!

Time for an up-to-date roundup on the nifty story of Bernie Madoff, the Wall Street titan accused yesterday of running a $50 billion Ponzi scheme. Bathrobes! Big shots! And plenty of broke Jews, below!

Nobody lives in Detroit any more, and nobody reads print newspapers, so maybe it's not so bad that the few remaining Detroit residents can no longer get their awful papers delivered to their burned-out homes.

More details have emerged on how the White House is bravely defending the DC area from the freeloading Obama family and their rowdy entourage. No adults allowed, it's neocon party time!

Defamer's Week in Review: Dong sings, Carrie Fisher transforms, T.R. Knight walks and we get a face-lift! And all those awards! Join us in reflecting after the jump.

· Kathie Lee riffs on two chicks who climbed into a KFC sink and photographed themselves bathing. That last zinger really earns her some kind of Get Out of Defamer Free card.

Bravo to the scribes behind this week's five best comments, for they each win a "party sheep" vetted by Zac Efron. We don't really know what that is, but kudos! So, what comments won?

With her unofficial bid to be California's governor, Meg Whitman, the billionaire former CEO of eBay, is leaning hard to the right. Her support of a gay marriage ban could doom her campaign.

Friday: · Von Iva at Echo, Los Lobos at HoB, Phantom Planet at Troubadour.
· Toph Eggers hosts Hal Ashby's The Landlord, part of The Forgotten Classics Movie Series. At 826LA's Time Travel Mart.

Look into the eyes of Inside the Actors Studio host James Lipton, and what do you see? A wild sycophancy that has led the man to the edge of a nervous breakdown, perhaps?

We'd like to thank the creators of betamaxmas.com for recreating with stunning approximation the experience of sitting around your parents basement circa 1985 and watching TV during the holidays.