Though Russell Brand defined this year's MTV Video Awards by repeatedly cracking jokes about the Jonas Brothers' purity rings, it had seemed of late that the comedian had moved on to Helen Mirren.

We're really in the holiday spirit around Defamer HQ: We're currently tanked on Jägernog, our stockings are hung like Thomas Jane, and we keep replaying this Mad Men-spoofing video Christmas card.

Paris Hilton robbed of $2 million worth of jewels. [LAT]

Voice your choice! Earlier we showed you three of the year's most annoying TV ads; now we've added two more, and made a poll—of infamy. Vote below for the year's worst ad:

As if it wasn't bad enough that Bernie Madoff is accused of carrying out the biggest financial fraud in the history of the world, there's evidence that he may have cheated at golf, too. "They say you can tell a lot about a businessman from his golf game," explains Catherine Rampell on the Times' Economix blog. "Perhaps golf partners should have paid more attention to Bernard Madoff's handicap." What does Madoff's handicap tell us? Well, it seems his scores were "eerily consistent," even after he took a year off in between games. But there's more to chew on, conspiracy theorists: His handicap was a 12, which correlates to the 12 percent annual return that he promised many of his investors. On a related note, we've been informed he had precisely 12 candles on his birthday cake the year following his 11th birthday. Just so you know.

Recently, scientists repeated the Milgram test, reports the BBC, which demonstrated normal people's willingness to inflict pain on others, and guess what? There's no difference today.

The sad story of Delgo — eight years in the making, all-star (sort of) voice cast, $237 per-theater average — ended Thursday as the film shuffled into post-theatrical oblivion.

[Actor Tom Cruise at the premiere of his new movie yesterday; image via Bauer-Griffin]

Julia Stiles walking in the snow ... Cameron Diaz and Paul Sculfor shopping in SoHo ... Naomi Campbell walking to lunch in Midtown ... Natalie Portman filming scenes for her new movie downtown ... Katie Holmes and Suri visiting a pre-school ... Dustin Hoffman crossing the street ... Liam Neeson walking in Central Park ... Jessica Szohr carrying presents in Midtown ... Richard Chamberlain leaving the Trump International hotel ... Renee Zellweger leaving a building with a coffee cup in a hand ... and John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston going to dinner at La Esquina, around the same time Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos turned up, too.

A Wall Street bailout. An auto bailout. A housing bailout. And now, the last straw: a Bernie Madoff bailout. Pass the bucket: my stomach needs a bailout.

Poor Jennifer Aniston! In New York right now it is far too cold to go nude outside, which left the actress few options to promote her film Marley & Me last night.

We all know that the LA Times is a dim shadow of a once-great paper owned by a bankrupt company. But now they may want to fire, basically, every non-local reporter. Problematic!

There's not much fun to be had watching The Hollywood Reporter implode, but a morsel in today's Page Six does offer a puzzling clue as to what might be responsible. Hint: It's not the economy.

Two notable entrants in the layoff rumor mill this morning. Mark these down on your crisp, lined "2008 Winter Layoffs" pad. Before we get to them, I will write this extra sentence so that the word count in the lead to this post is sufficient to make it just show up as a headline, because that's really what it deserves.

Hollywood community, Jeremy Piven is very disappointed in you. Why have you refrained from rallying around the actor as he suffers so dearly from mononucleosis... er, we mean "self-inflicted sushi poisoning"?

• Tough times for Sumner Redstone: His debt issues haven't been resolved, he's feuding with his daughter, and he's a lot poorer, too. Once worth $8 billion, "today it is questionable as to whether he is worth even $1 billion." [NYT]
• It's about five years too late, but the music industry has finally decided to stop wasting its time suing people who download music illegally. [WSJ]
• A few predictions of what's in store for the movie biz in 2009. [THR]
• Fox Business is mocking CNBC again; this time it's via a TV ad. [HP]
• Further evidence that Malcolm Gladwell has reached his tipping point. [BG]
• Mark Felt, the man better known as Deep Throat, is dead at 95. [WaPo]

Hey, thanks for coming. Have a seat. We need to talk about what happened last night. We're not mad, we're just concerned. OK, we're sort of mad. Mad enough to kill.

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your guide to everything new, noteworthy and/or potentially toxic at the movies. This week: Will Smith is bad, Jim Carrey is affirmative, and Mickey Rourke takes a beating for Oscar.

The Siege of the New School, in which students occupied buildings, fought off cops, and terrified school president Bob Kerrey, has ended. Revolution wins! Exclusive first hand journalism—and wanton violence—below:

Jane Rosenthal, Beth Ostrosky, and Julia Szabo hosted a canine-friendly screening of Marley & Me on Wednesday night as part of the Tribeca Cinemas Series. Accompanied by her bulldog, Bianca Romijn-Stamos, Ostrosky was joined by guests like Rosenthal's husband Craig Hatkoff and daughter Isabella (with their dog Buddy), Cece Cord (with her pooch Tiger), Kiera Chaplin (with Jezabelle), Douglas Hannant (with Ava), Abigail Breslin, Cindy Adams, Ellen Ward and Chuck Scarborough, Rachel Roy, Denis and Ann Leary, Hoda Kotb, Pat Duff, Jill and Allie Zarin, Richard Kind, Alison Becker, Jennifer Missoni, and Wendy Diamond. [PMc, Wireimage, VF]