So says Good Morning America today. They had an awkward segment on the must-have toy of the season, a doll that urinates and defecates. "Kids are obsessed!" Then they cut to commercial, abruptly.

Drudge's latest awesome snap poll: who is hotter, Russian strongman Vlad Putin or sculpted hope-monger Barack Obama? The murderous ex-KBG officer is winning! Love it leave it, guys!

Though Hollywood reserves the holiday movie season for its annual harvest of ambition, prestige and clout, even the most painstaking Oscar husbandry can often fail. For three much-anticipated films in particular, the damage varies.

Monica Noel, the wife of disgraced hedge fund manager, protested this week to the Post that she and her husband aren't really all that rich, notwithstanding the $500 million her husband's firm is estimated to have collected just by steering clients to invest with Bernie Madoff: "You write [that] our five daughters were brought up in the lap of luxury in their Greenwich estate. We don't live in an estate. We live in a normal house that was a cottage on two acres." That the "cottage" is just one of five properties that the Noels call home—there's also an apartment on Park Avenue, homes in Southampton and Palm Beach, and a "tropical retreat" in Mustique—Monica's claim doesn't seem to hold much water. But you wouldn't mistake the Noels for heavy-hitting philanthropists, at least judging by the couple's charitable donations in recent years. In 2006 (the last year for which info is available), the Walter and Monica Noel Family Foundation handed out a grand total of $169,000, most of it distributed in amounts of $250 or $500 to organizations like Americares, the YMCA of Greenwich, and the International Rescue Committee. After the jump, the complete list of non-profit groups that benefited from Noel's lucrative relationship with Bernie Madoff.

The voicemail message at Lucy Sykes and Euan Rellie's apartment.

"Rene-Thierry Magon de la Villehuchet, a founder of the hedge fund Access International Advisors, was found dead early Tuesday in his office in Manhattan, the French business daily La Tribune reported on its Web site, after losing as much as $1.4 billion that had been invested with Bernard L. Madoff." [Dealbook]

Well, last night was it! Finally the season finale of The Hills. It was, as always, a listless and sad half hour. Full of pained, vacant expressions and soaring cameras and pop-introspection muzaks.

Mazel tov to Daily News publisher Mort Zuckerman who at the spry age of 71 welcomed his second daughter, Renee Esther, into the world last Friday. Now, just who's the mother?

• For the first time in 12 years, FedEx is skipping the Super Bowl. [AdWeek]
• Another gloomy sign for NBC as the Super Bowl approaches: The network is allowing an agency to divide up 30-second commercials. [THR]
• GQ's cover featuring a half-nude Jennifer Aniston seems to be too risqué for the Hudson News outlet in Grand Central Terminal. [Folio]
• SAG has delayed voting on a potential strike until at least January 14. [EW]
• Ticket sales have tumbled since Jeremy Piven ditched Speed-the-Plow. [AP]

Hugh Jackman carrying daughter Ava across the street ... Katie Lee Joel leaving Pastis in the back of an SUV ... Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw buying pretzels on the corner of East 61st Street ... Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer leaving the Olive Tree Cafe on MacDougal Street ... Lauren Conrad leaving Butter with Holly Montag ... Leona Lewis filming her new music video in Brooklyn ... Katie Holmes and Suri shopping at J. Crew ... and Audrina Patridge catching a flight back to LA at JFK.

Two Christmas trends, duly noted: crafting your gift out of art supplies and love! Or just stealing it.

What happens when you run a hedge fund and you lose $7.5 billion as part of one of the biggest scams in Wall Street history? Your plans to jet off to Mustique for Christmas might go awry, for one. The Times UK reports that members of the Noel family may not be heading down to their lavish Caribbean retreat after all. Presumably they'll be forced to spend the holidays at their manse in Greenwich. Perhaps fellow hedge fund manager Paul Tudor Jones will invite them over to admire his Christmas decorations instead? Probably not! [Times UK via Dealbreaker]

Well, waiting in a vestibule with him. Muscle-bound Scott decided to casually introduce himself to a young lady, and me being a lameo, I eavesdropped. It was kind of sad.

The Associated Press's list of the Top 10 Quotes of 2008 featured two from Nobel-winning economist Paul Krugman. But Krugman, it turns out, was not actually quotable enough to merit credit for either.

The Loews Corporation, the vast conglomerate controlled by the billionaire Tisch family, appears to be holding up pretty well amid the economic downturn. But that doesn't mean company chief James Tisch doesn't have other things to keep him up at night. Tisch and his wife Merryl have been slapped with a lawsuit by the couple's former butler and chauffeur, who alleges the couple failed to pay him the salary and benefits he was promised and denied him overtime pay as required by law. The ex-employee, a man named Miroslaw Drabik, claims he worked for the Tisches as a butler, chauffeur and caretaker of the couple's summer home from October 2007 through May 2008 and regularly put in 40 hours a week on the job. But in his suit in US District Court, Drabik alleges he never received the pay he was owed in accordance with state and federal labor laws. Drabik is now asking a court to award him an unspecified amount in back wages as well as punitive damages. After the jump, you can peruse the full suit by the Tisch's embittered ex-butler.

Today we a TV love affair, a gay Broadway director, a drunken actress, a lesbian, and an airplane pooper.

• Kenneth Cole has sliced $2 million off the price of his penthouse at 101 West 79th Street. Cole originally listed the four-bedroom apartment for $18.95 million. He just reduced it to $16.95 million, but it's unlikely Cole and wife Maria Cuomo will have much stuff to move out if they find a buyer. Although the fashion mogul has owned the apartment since '85, the family spends most of its time at homes on Sutton Place and in Westchester. [Cityfile, Carol E. Levy]
• Billy Joel has taken his Centre Island mansion off the market after failing to find a buyer for the $32.5 million property. Joel bought the waterfront estate, which is known as Middlesea, for $22 million in 2002. It's also where he tied the knot with Katie Lee back in 2004. [Newsday]
• Katharine Muir has listed her five-story, eight-bedroom townhouse at 42 West 71st Street for $7.3 million. [Cityfile, TE]

Tom Cruise will invite you into his home if you do something nice for him; Paris Hilton knows who snuck into her home without permission; and Jennifer Lopez got nervous whenever Mark Anthony left home.

As we've heard over the last couple of months, the recession has triggered a wave of crime and immorality. Today's Times confirms that shoplifting is on the rise, too, as people "are taking everything from compact discs and baby formula to gift cards and designer clothing." (The authorities say shoplifting is up 10 to 20 percent this year compared to last.) But the biggest criminal threat to retailers doesn't seem to be tragic individuals like the 25-year-old father of two who, after losing a job in a factory and then a job at McDonalds, tried to steal a $4.99 bottle of sleeping pills and is now awaiting trial. It's computers.

The Times may have backed off from its comparison of Caroline Kennedy to Sarah Palin last week, but there was no retreat in today's coverage of the senate hopeful's finance secrets.