Your daily media column is here. Today, the Great Magazine Die-Off continues, your annual "Gawker sucks now" story, Les Payne's pain, and more!

Plenty of formerly wealthy New Yorkers are looking for a solution to their financial problems. Selena Valentine isn't going to help them much, but she should keep them plenty entertained. The Midtown hypnotist is offering "Millionaire Mindset" workshops for businessmen willing to fork over $100-an-hour for her services, which seem to involve playing Frank Sinatra songs and somehow convincing her clients that they're still millionaires, even if their bank accounts disagree. ("They come in wanting to reach their financial goals, but once they see how wonderful hypnosis is, they want help with other things, like smoking.")

Remember when Eddie Murphy's post-Dreamgirls Oscar fantasy died in the blast of the bomb that followed it? Anne Hathaway, we have found your Norbit.

The most important issue of Barack Obama's impending presidency has yet to be answered. Just who, pray tell, is going to perform at his big inaugural concert bashes?? No one knows! And it's so soon!

• The restaurant formerly known as Grayz reopens as Atria tonight. [NYT]
• Bobby Flay is launching a talk radio show on Sirius XM. [AP]
• The latest blow to Giuseppe Cipriani? He's having credit problems. [Eater]
• Here's a great deal: On Friday night, you can watch Babette's Feast and then eat Babette's feast. Just $6,000 a couple! [GS]
• If cash is tight, head over to SideBAR on Saturday night without any pants on and you'll get a free drink. The humiliation you'll experience is free, too. [NYB]
• Devin Tavern on Greenwich Street has officially closed. [Eater]
• For shame: Unless he gets his act together, George W. Bush will become the first U.S. President since FDR who has not dined at the '21' Club. [P6, HuffPo]

Today, an insane Barbara Walters gave us the clip that will be played on the news in slow-motion when she finally uses her costume jewelry to garrote Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

Larry Craig, the U.S. senator whose airport-bathroom gay-sex bust introduced the phrase "wide stance" into Beltway argot, has run out of appeals to withdraw his guilty plea for disorderly conduct.

You knew this, but there's a shitload of Queer in the real world: Gays, Protogays, Ex-Gays, Don't Ask Don't Tells, and M2Fs have all been accounted for in MTV's Real World: Brooklyn.

[Ed Westwick of "Gossip Girl" on that series' set today; image via Splash]

It appears that Sarah Palin's post-campaign career activities will consist exclusively of bitching about the media. In a new interview she takes on Katie Couric, Tina Fey, Caroline Kennedy, and all you jerks watching at home:

The New York Times reports video of Bernie and Ruth Madoff "lounging on their yacht, visiting a winery and relaxing in an upscale hotel in San Tropez [sic] in southern France" will air on Fox Business News tonight at 7pm. In totally unremarkable news, it also seems reporters at the Times don't spend much time visiting luxe French resort towns. [NYT/Dealbook]

Richard Simmons' scissor sister Lisa Rinna knows you have multiple red carpet options this awards season, but she's hoping you'll choose TV Guide Network, where she and bearish boyband survivor Joey Fatone will preside.

Prosecutors say that Bernie Madoff had 100 signed checks worth $173 million in his office desk—ready to go to family and friends—when he was arrested on December 11. We're going to go ahead and assume they were from Deluxe's "Tropical Breeze" series, but if you know otherwise, please let us know. [NYDN]

The Feds still want to throw accused Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff in jail for mailing mittens. Oh, and some diamonds and emeralds and other expensive things.

Drop your razors, fashionable young men: the New York Times reports that mustaches are back—in style! Somehow this story sounds vaguely... familiar:

The Directors Guild of America this morning announced its nominations for last year's outstanding achievement in directing. Big names — and few surprises — after the jump..

Do you know who Whitney Casey is? She's an author, occasional TV presence, and a "relationship expert" for Match.com, but that's not the interesting part. It's what she had to say about Rocco DiSpirito on Howard Stern's satellite radio show that might make you run to the toilet. Casey says the unemployed chef provided her with the best sex she's ever had, and he has an absolutely "perfect" penis that resembles "a Viagra version of the statue of David." Your day is complete! [DBTH]

The Million Dollar Arm was a contest launched in India a couple years ago that attempted to find the country's fastest pitcher and get him into the Major Leagues—sort of Bull Durham meets Slumdog Millionaire.

Not again! After her matchmaking attempts with Jim Carrey, Jennifer Aniston, and Ryan Seacrest produced no sparks, Ellen DeGeneres has plunged her knitting needles into Anne Hathaway (whose current boyfriend is not famous enough).

Celebrity news hasn't been popping lately. It's vulgar—but more importantly, it's gotten repetitive. The new pastime is mocking the rich. But now, the journalists feel more sympathy with the fallen rich than ever before.