You didn't think Andre Balazs hired all those hot staffers at The Standard to just answer phones and carry bags, did you? The hotel's 2009 calendar is out with photos of employees from the New York, Miami, and LA outposts acting out various high school stereotypes. (Think slutty cheerleaders and sexy stoners.) Unfortunately there aren't any photos of Andre himself included, although we're hoping that's just because he's saving the pics for a full-size poster. [The Standard via Curbed]

Now that Tom Cruise's appearance on The View has aired, we can bring you the whole, Scientology-defending Jett Travolta conversation without any delightfully premature interruption by the Us Weekly bumper.

From the least surprising news ever file: Maureen Dowd flirted with the guy from the FX show Damages, which sums up everything about her, maybe?

Judson Laipply's pop-choreography clip "Evolution of Dance" hasn't made a dime from his stardom. At the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, no one in the crowd could place him. His nine-figure viewcount has proven to be nothing more than the transitory flitter of eyeballs.

Your Friday media column is here! Today, possible newspaper death, sort-of magazine rebirth, news anchor lateral movement, and more chomping action:

Congrats — again — to Slumdog Millionaire director and Critics Choice Award winner Danny Boyle, just about the nicest guy you've ever wished would please take his Oscar and end awards season, already.

Lipstick Jungle's fate is sealed, but poor Brooke Shields appears determined to tune out the bad news. Although the show's finale airs tonight and co-star Robert Buckley has already signed on to star in a new CW show, none of that appears to be fazing Brooke, who says she's keeping the faith and "not going to give up" because "we keep getting emails" and "they're all positive." Too bad they don't hand out a Norman Vincent Peale Honorary Emmy for Optimism. Brooke would be a shoo-in! [Us]

Spotted at a Hollywood book store yesterday buying a boxed-set of his own music, Michael Jackson doused rumors he's gravely ill by sporting only a skimpy, single-layer face mask and bogeyman cloak.

• Ago, the restaurant inside the Greenwich Hotel, will close at the end of the month when Jean-Georges Vongerichten takes over. He'll change the restaurant's name and chef, but says the menu will remain Italian. [TFB]
• Kefi is reopening tonight after it was shuttered by the Dep't of Health. [Eater]
• Buddha Bar has been forced to change its name after losing a lawsuit. [P6]
• Elad Properties says the closure of the Palm Court is only temporary. [NYT]
• Picholine says it plans to expand its "Menu d'Economie." [W&D]
• A rundown of this week's restaurant closures. [Eater]
• The Observer's top 10 picks for a romantic Valentine's Day dinner. [NYO]

Are you one of those people who eats squirrel not because of poverty or comical sitcom hillbillyism, but for the delicious taste? England has a product for you!

You don't kick a dingo when he's down (or maybe you do, to dislodge the baby from its jaws? We always forget), but Nicole Kidman has done just that by piling on the beleaguered Australia.

Finally, as promised, the New York Times has brought opinions 'Online,' to the internet, with its new 'web log' thing, "Room for Debate." Lets' explore!

Clearly the social scene really has been turned upside down when obsessive socializer Kristian Laliberte is not only blogging about Boston, but there are also comprimising photos circulating of him with a girl. [GoaG]

1/8 — So tonight I'm sitting at the always awesome Itacho on beverly when I look up and realize I'm in the presence of greatness — WARREN BEATTY and Diane Keaton! Oh wait — that's not Diane Keaton... that's ANNETTE BENING in a big knit scarf a la Diane Keaton and big Morrissey glasses a la Diane Keaton. You can understand how I might have mistaken the two under those circumstances. So it wasn't a Reds reunion — it was still mother-effing Warren Beatty and mother-effing Annette Bening and they mother-effing rock. Oh, and all their kids. Which I didn't realize they had so many. Maybe it was their kids and some of their kids' friends? [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

Two months ago, the Today show's Hoda Kotb swore "I don't drink really that much!" Really? This compilation is an intervention. Hoda, you may drink more than the entire cast of Fox & Friends.

The Wall Street Journal reports that Bob Rubin is leaving Citigroup and Citi is now in active discussions to unload its Smith Barney unit. Possible bidders include Morgan Stanley and JP Morgan, but there's probably still time to get in on the action if you're interested in picking up a venerated brokerage brand for bargain basement prices. Just shoot a quick email over to vikram.pandit@citi.com. [WSJ]

The folks over at Property Shark have kindly put together an interactive map of residential sales in Manhattan during the fourth quarter. We have a feeling the map for the first quarter of 2009 won't have quite as many big maroon dots, but let's all keep our fingers crossed, okay? [Property Shark]

True—horrifying Southern socialites by wielding a bag of your own feces at a dinner party might be a showstopper, but what to do for an encore? That's the dilemma facing Sacha Baron Cohen.

With bonuses slashed, investment bankers are starting to turn on their own. The year money forgot saw a handful of opportunistic contrarians stack up the tall dollars. Now they're getting cut down in the press.

Lillo Brancato Jr., the former Sopranos actor who was cleared of murder last month in connection with a botched burglary in 2005 that left an off-duty police officer dead, was sentenced to 10 years in prison today for attempted burglary. [NYT]