Poor Bill Clinton. Everything he says and does is picked over for proof of raging ego, jealousy, resentment, and general craziness. Of course, sometimes he delivers!

Job cuts continue to wrack the nation. Dionne Warwick has lost her gig headlining tonight's American Music Ball in Washington, D.C. — one of several inaugural balls which may not take place.

· Tights-friendly prettyboys Chris Evans and Brandon Routh join Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, playing two evil ex-boyfriends Michael Cera must defeat in order to win the woman of his dreams. [THR]

Medical emergency at the luncheon. Looks like Senator Ted Kennedy suffered a seizure or "convulsion" of some kind and was wheeled out. Obama is speaking: his prayers are with Ted's family. Yeesh.

Famed business non-expert Rachel Maddow says every time Obama opens his mouth, the stock market goes up. That didn't happen today. The Dow is down more than 210 points and just above 8,000.

Now that the small stuff is winding down, let's move on to the important issues: Gossip Girl was on last night. It was about college!

Wherein your loyal, frostbitten editors survey tomorrow's movie forecast today: Mostly cloudy, with strong industry winds and a 75 percent chance of cliché storms:

• Still looking for a place to celebrate the inauguration? You're in luck. A long list of restaurants and bars have special events planned. [GS, Eater, Metromix]
• Newly opened restaurants have been hit the hardest by the recession. [NYT]
• A few more gloomy indicators: High-end eateries are allowing diners to bring their own wine and Daniel will host a beer-tasting next month. [NYP, CNY]
• The dining crime wave may be over: Cops have nabbed two suspects. [NYP]
• Sad news for hot dog fans: The original Nathan's may be forced to close as part of the plan to "revitalize" Coney Island. [NYP]
• Emeril Lagasse will guest-judge the final two episodes of Top Chef. [Eater]

Lots of people watched the Inauguration of Barack Obama, around the country and around the world. AP photographers were everywhere, snapping pics of people watching hope take flight. A gallery is after the jump.

Our own Hamilton Nolan has been braving the chaos and lack of cell phone coverage in DC to get a glimpse of Barack Obama's big day. He just got through:

In Spencer Pratt fistfight, wrong person loses. [Star]

Is it something he said? Despite Barack Obama's upbeat message and the enthusiasm of millions of shivering onlookers, the Dow tumbled 332 points today to close at 7,949. Financial stocks were the hardest hit: Bank of America, JPMorgan Chase, and Citigroup all suffered double-digit declines, with shares of Citi dipping below the $3 mark. History buffs, get your pens out: This should go down as Wall Street's worst Inauguration Day since 1900. [MW, NYT, WSJ]

On the menu for the traditional post-inauguration luncheon hosted by Congress: "seafood, pheasant, duck, and apple-cinnamon sponge cake," a menu inspired by Lincoln, served on a "replica of the Lincoln china," according to this clip.

Chief Justice John Roberts only had to do one thing today, besides look pretty: give the oath of office. And he screwed it up!

Warner Bros. plans to eliminate 800 positions, or 10 percent of its work force, cuts the company says will take place across "all divisions and all levels." [WSJ]

Saying that it was "truly sorry," US Airways mailed out $5,000 checks over the weekend to each of the 150 passengers who were aboard Flight 1549 when it crashed into the Hudson last week. The checks are intended to compensate passengers for their luggage, which the airline now says may be "unrecoverable," but US Airways was also kind enough to reimbursed passengers for their ticket costs, too. Alas, no word yet on whether the airline plans to give passengers frequent flyer credit for the six-minute trip. [NYT]

The soaring success of An Education is the worst-kept secret in Park City today, and novelist and breakthrough screenwriter Nick Hornby isn't about to let star Carey Mulligan hog all the Sundance-darling honors.

What must we note about a moment of history? Surely the medium with which we observe it. In the moment that Barack Obama took the oath of office, Twitter congratulated itself for making it happen.

Today should be a busy day for thieves who earn a living robbing the homes of the rich and famous: Hundreds of celebs and corporate titans have been in Washington today for the inauguration and are expected to put in appearances at one of the many official and unofficial balls scheduled for this evening. Barack and Michelle will make their first stop this evening at the Neighborhood Ball, where the lineup includes Mariah Carey, Jay-Z, Beyonce, Alicia Keys, will.i.am, Stevie Wonder, Faith Hill, Shakira, and Mary J. Blige. The Equality Ball at the Mayflower Hotel will feature entertainment by Cyndi Lauper, Melissa Etheridge and Rufus Wainwright. Lou Gossett Jr. will serve as host at the Purple Ball, where performances by Il Divo and Peter Cincotti will entertain the likes of Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon, John Cusack, Ed Harris, Ashley Judd, Patricia Arquette, Brendan Fraser, and Josh Lucas.

Sundance '09 has provided a voice to the indie-festival disenfranchised—from the ghetto-credulous Push to gay-prison-fantasia I Love You Phillip Morris—but the fest's bread-and-butter (straight-white-guy-social-misfits and the women who love them) were also well represented.