As our visit to the Sundance Film Festival winds down, the news somehow gets progressively better and worse at the same time. For example:

Eric Roth has a lot to be thankful about. The award-winning writer of Forrest Gump and Munich, this morning Roth was nominated for an Oscar for his adaptation of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. The bad news? Whatever money he made from Benjamin Button—or any of his other movies—is long gone. In late December, Roth revealed that he'd lost "all his retirement money" to Bernie Madoff's $50 billion Ponzi scheme. Now Roth has filed suit against Stanley Chais, the LA-based money manager who helped collect an estimated $250 million for Madoff. So if Roth ends up winning on Oscar night and his acceptance speech strikes you as a little overly emotional (or you're just outraged that Button won), you should probably cut him a little slack.

Microsoft is shedding 5,000 jobs from its 95,000-person workforce, the company's first-ever mass layoff. It's about time. And let's put the blame where it belongs: Bill Gates.

We caught Lee Daniels's buzzy Push last night in a sold-out midnight screening. Push is an impressive accomplishment—a female-driven, inner-city drama featuring several astonishing performances, first and foremost being unknown Gabourey Sabide's Precious.

Could Caroline Kennedy have given us any clearer indication of her lack of qualifications for the Senate than her disastrous exit from the race? Here is the (new!) alleged timeline of her decisionmaking process:

If you've been wondering about Alexis Stewart's newly perky boobs—and who hasn't, really?—and you've been trying to figure out who was responsible for the handiwork, you're in luck: Page Six reports the credit goes to plastic surgeon Robert Freund, a disciple of Sherrell Aston and Dan Baker. Now if only we could get Martha to reveal who's responsible for her nips and tucks, too. [Page Six]

If you have a sec this afternoon, could you say a little prayer for Mario Cantone? The man has a dream, and if there's anything the election of Barack Obama has taught us, it's that big, bold dreams occasionally do come true: "In the [Sex and the City] sequel, I want Brad Pitt to play my boyfriend! Why not? He gave $100,000 to turn over the California gay marriage law. So, there! He should play my boyfriend." [NYO]

Ever looked at ads for exercise devices that promise to morph your body into that of a teenage Korean gymnast on steroids and been vaguely tempted, notwithstanding the fact that the before and after pictures feature a "results not typical" disclosure in 3-point font? Especially since the transformation is always touted as fast and involving a very minimal time commitment? Well, exercise physiologist Carl Foster has come to save you from yourself.

What was Martha Stewart's favorite part about attending the inauguration in DC? No, not watching Obama's swearing-in or attending the galas, silly. Martha says she was most excited about the train trip that she took to get there, since she got a really good deal on first class Acela tickets and ran into Dan Rather, too! [MarthaStewart.com]

It used to be that Sundance acclaim meant the kiss of death for its recipients. The 2008 Oscar nominations may signal the end of that curse.

After details of a spending spree became public, Merrill Lynch CEO John Thain has resigned from his post at Bank of America, which bought his firm in the midst of the Panic of '08.

[The actress out in the West Village today; image via Splash]

In honor of the Oscar nominations, we're launching a new feature: Movie Montages You'll Never See at the Academy Awards. What better way to kick things off than with this steamy gallery of men kissing?

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] Jan. 21 @ 9 p.m. Christo and Jeanne-Claude of The Gates just now at Artisanal. They were sweet and amazing.

• Sarah Palin has tapped lawyer/agent Robert Barnett, who has brokered book deals for Obama and both Clintons, to help her score a deal of her own. [THR]
• MSNBC is thinking about adding a third show during primetime. [NYT]
• ABC is furious that it spent $2 million for "exclusive" footage of the Obamas' first dance, only to find out other networks were covering it, too. [NYP]
• Rumor has it Playboy is combining the staff of its website and magazine and moving the entire editorial operation to Chicago. [Page Six]
• The white power sent to the Journal yesterday was harmless. [WSJ]

Though Sundance may have turned into a ghost town in the festival's waning days, at least those ghosts are still haunting us with good old pearls of overheard Hollywood wisdom.

David Denby, the New Yorker movie critic (not the good one), continues to bait us in interview after interview so we'll write something about his book Snark, so it will sell. Okay fine, here:

There are only two months left before Angelina Jolie arrives in New York to begin filming Edwin A. Salt—the shooting will take place in Bethpage on Long Island—which means it's officially time to begin guessing where Jolie, Brad Pitt and family will live while Jolie earns her big, fat paycheck. The most promising contender: The Sassafras estate in Lloyd Neck, which has three separate houses on 48 acres of land and also comes with two helipads, tennis court, pool, and private cove with dock. It's up for sale for $60 million; no word (yet) on how much it will go for as a rental. In the meantime, you can have a look at the property Jolie & Co. might occupy after the jump.

They called him "Superthain." John Thain, Merrill Lynch's Clark Kent-lookalike CEO, had the public image of a straight-shooting, clean-living superhero CEO. Billions of dollars in losses haven't stained that, but an $87,000 rug could.

With all due respect, Bank of America didn't suddenly force out John Thain because he spent $1 million on office decorations a year ago. That was a year ago! And lots has happened since then! Remember last month when John Thain asked for a year-end bonus, an effort he almost immediately abandoned? That didn't look too good! Then he went to Vail over the holidays right around the same time Bank of America was closing on its acquisition of Merrill Lynch, firing thousands of employees, and preparing to announce record losses. Today's damaging news? Thain approved $3 to $4 billion—that's "b" for billion—in bonus payouts three days before the Merrill sale went through. But when the real story is kinda complicated, it's easier to place blame on $44,000 area rugs! [Gawker, Gothamist]