Today we have a cheater from Oz, an old lady giving young boys anal sex stimulants, a royal and a foreign actress, and a gay TV star.

It seems the East Hampton town board has followed through on its threat to sue Ron Baron, the dune-destroying billionaire who installed an 800-foot concrete barrier on his 40-acre Further Lane property last year and has been battling the local authorities ever since. The Post reports that Baron has been ordered to appear in court on March 16th, where he'll face eight code violations for his failure to secure the proper permits and for construction work that led to the destruction of several 3,000-year-old dunes. Baron could face four years in jail if he's ultimately convicted. But we doubt Baron will get to that point. Even if he is someone who once likened his battle to get gay men to stop having sex on the stretch of beach in front of his house to the war in Vietnam.

We're not sure what purpose ASmallWorld serves given the Euro-heavy social network was eclipsed by sites like Facebook years ago, but we finally understand the value of this ASW "magazine" that the faded site introduced a few months back: It's a fantastic vehicle for self promotion! The "mag" checked in with a handful of people to ask them what they'd recommend buying in honor of Valentine's Day. Any what do you know? Most of them proposed items that they produce themselves. A few examples appear below. In the meantime, we eagerly await the upcoming food issue and Mario Batali's humble suggestion that we eat at Babbo every night.

• Last June, Karen and David Fleiss listed their duplex at 1030 Fifth Avenue for $47.5 million, later cutting the price down to $39.95 million and then $34.5 million. When that didn't pan out, they tried selling just the bottom floor for $15 million. Apparently that didn't work either, and so now the couple is back to offering discounts. The eight-bedroom spread is now on the market for $25 million, almost half what the couple was asking for it a mere eight months ago. [Cityfile, PDE]
• Bar Pitti owners Giovanni and Michele Tognozzi have paid $1.6 million for a five-bedroom house in Peconic on the North Fork of Long Island. [Newsday]
• Former Newsday publisher Raymond Jansen, who lowered the price of his Lloyd Neck home earlier this month, has gone into contract to sell the waterfront estate. [Newsday]

The brutal Rihanna-Chris Brown spectacle got somehow worse, as did Miley Cyrus' racism scandal and the gossip about Gwyneth Paltrow's marriage. Must be Tuesday.

It looks like Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter won't be available to educate your children after all. Although Greenwich Village High School was due to make its debut this fall, Andrea Peyser reports today that the school—backed by Carter, VF deputy editor Aimee Bell and actor John Leguizamo, among others—may never open at all, and the building was shuttered recently. Guess you'll have to be like everyone else and compete with 12,427 other parents for a precious spot at Dalton and Fieldston. Our condolences. [NYP]

Who was that in the Grammys press area, screaming out the biggest cheers of the night? Some kind of obsessive, barely-credentialed teenaged blogger? Hardly.

Jim Cramer has a reason to be even more manic today: It's his 54th birthday. Recent Fox News arrival Glenn Beck is 44. Disney CEO Bob Iger is turning 58. This Week's George Stephanopoulos is 48. So is Alexander Payne, the filmmaker behind Election and Sideways. Restaurateur Elaine Kaufman is 80. Musical legend Roberta Flack is 72. Laura Dern turns 42. Actress Elizabeth Banks is 35. Robert Wagner is 79. Tween star Emma Roberts is turning 18. And swimming legend Mark Spitz is celebrating his 59th birthday today.

Dear seasoned, aggressive newspaper reporter: Time to let go of that precious "dream" and learn to see the virtue in, say, running a titty bar. The Wall Street Journal's underminers think so, anyway.

• Paris Hilton hasn't given up on her dream of musical superstardom. At a Grammy after-party on Sunday, she accosted Paul McCartney and asked him if he'd be interested in doing a duet with her. Paul politely explained that he didn't think he'd have the time. [The Sun]
• Gwyneth Paltrow didn't join Chris Martin at any of the Grammy after-parties, so he found another chick to hang out with instead. [NYDN]
• The Chris Brown-Rihanna situation has taken a turn for the worse. Rihanna's injuries are reportedly "horrific," and include bite marks, facial contusions, and a bloody nose. Brown has hired attorney Mark Geragos to defend him. Both stars have cancelled upcoming appearances. And Brown's Doublemint gum ad has already been pulled. [People, TMZ, NYP]

Oh, no! Poor Barack Obama bumped his head while boarding Marine 1 at the White House yesterday. Fortunately, neither the helicopter nor the president sustained any serious damage. [YouTube via Buzzfeed]

• Everyone on Wall Street is waiting for Tim Geithner to take to the stage at 11am to outline the administration's new bailout plan. Among other things, he'll be announcing a new name for the bailout: TARP (or Troubled Asset Relief Program) will be FSP (or Financial Stability Plan) from now on. [BN, DB, CNN]
• UBS announced a quarterly loss of $6.9 billion and now says it plans to cut another 2,000 more jobs at the bank. Is there anyone left? [NYT, WSJ]
• Linda Chatman Thomsen, who has led the SEC's enforcement division since 2005, has stepped down from the job amid criticism. [NYT, NYP]
• One thing Wall Street has clearly screwed up as of late? Its PR efforts. [TDB]
• Private equity firm Fortress has slashed 11 percent of its staff. [DB]
• Strangely, there are few buyers for the crappy assets AIG is selling. [BN]

Think Barack Obama's Monday-night press conference was about economic policy or endless Mideast war or whatever? Fool. It was the latest round in the White House press corps' endless dick-measuring contest.

Here's a great clip from tonight's Daily Show, showing Bill O'Reilly condemning paparazzi as the "scum of the Earth" for privacy invasion, then dispatching his Fox News camera goons to people's homes.

A purported domestic abuser, famous, gets in trouble with the law. Soon, police are chasing a white car on TV. No wonder Los Angelenos thought Chris Brown was in this Bentley.

Alex Rodriguez just admitted using steroids, but the Yankees third baseman doesn't want anyone to lose sight of another outrage: Sports Illustrated is supposedly stalking him.

For a president elected on a platform of hope, Barack Obama sure knows how to throw around the doom and gloom when he wants to rise above the trifles of the Beltway political game.

· Everyone's favorite be-headgeared pop-culture commentator Sexman has just about had it with 50 Cent's crass commercialism and molded dildos. "What's next," he asks, "Diapers for your little gangsta?" [via fimoculous]

For the Twitterati, everything's up in the air! MC Hammer sailed above the rain, Laura Rich and Kourosh Karimkhany tweeted about their startup launches, and Michael Gartenberg saw Google's cloudy future:

O, for the old days of last week, when threats were contained to on-set blowups and transformed into danceable mixes. Here are the latest, unsettling details on the Rihanna/Chris Brown case: