Martha Stewart offered recession-time grocery shopping tips today, demonstrating how even small changes to one's routine—say, laying off a couple gardeners or only consuming local foie gras—can have a huge effect on the bottom line.

After Bernie Madoff ran a $50 billion Ponzi scheme undetected, SEC regulators have been desperate to prove they haven't been sleeping on the job. Robert Allen Stanford's $8 billion CD scam is a gift.

• Giorgio Armani is opening a restaurant inside his new Fifth Avenue flagship later this week. Guess it's time for a little payback, Scott Conant. [Eater]
• The Cedar Tavern on University Place is gone for good. [GS]
• A peak at the new speakeasy-themed bar Raines Law Room. [Eater]
• Anita Lo is closing Bar Q in the West Village. [Eater]
• Dinner at L'Artusi "grinds slowly off a cliff," says Adam Platt, who gives the bar-centric spot on Bleecker a single star in this week's New York. [NYM]
• Inexplicably, the cupcake craze endures. [TFB]
• Daily News food critic Danyelle Freeman has landed a book deal. [GS]
• A hot dog vendor in Times Square is retiring after 41 years. [NYP]
• Starbucks is introducing instant coffee because Americans are "focusing more on seeking satisfying experiences that enhance their lives." Uh, okay. [HP]

2/15 — Saw SHARON AND OZZY OSBOURNE in the lounge at the Chateau Marmont. They both looked terrific, dressed in black of course, and dined with some other rocker types. My friends in town from Minneapolis were impressed, but were hoping for a LiLo sighting. [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

[Heiress and writer Peaches Geldof at New York Fashion Week; image via Bauer-Griffin]

In your bracing Tuesday media column: rumors of Newsweek closing a bureau [UPDATE: or maybe more than one], Barbara Walters tells the truth, questions are wrestled with, and Flex sells:

· Disappointed by the delays facing Steven Soderbergh's brain-melter Cleo? Elton John to the rescue with Pride and Predator, featuring Jane Austen's characters taking on a bloodthirsty space alien. Can't. Wait. [Variety]

Jon Winkelried, Goldman Sachs's No. 2 and Lloyd Blankfein's right-hand man, announced this afternoon that he's retiring from the firm. "Winkelried cited fatigue as the reason he is stepping down," reports the New York Times. Nothing, we're sure, that some downtime at his $38.5 million waterfront home in Nantucket or his sprawling horse farm in Colorado can't fix. [NYT/Dealbook]

It's not just angry rightwingers who mix up "Obama" and "Osama." Yahoo News has joined CNN and the Associated Press in confusing the most powerful man in the world with his terrorist enemy.

Bob Schaffer is a former member of the US House of Representatives, and he was a Republican candidate for the US Senate in 2008. Now he is selling margarita mix on the local news.

Just in case the plunging stock market, deepening recession, and report of bedbug infestation didn't give you enough to worry about today, here's something else to insure you see your shrink for many years to come: Scientists say that water levels around the city could rise by two feet or more in the coming decades, and the streets of New York may end up looking "like the canals of Venice." Better make friends with these people while there's still time! [NYP]

A tipster tells us billionaire Clinton pal Ron Burkle (and his model wrangler!) was "lurking around" Justin Timberlake's William Rast show at Fashion Week last night. Time for a listicle of creepy old ladies' men!

The huge new Diesel flagship on Fifth and 54th Street opened today. Can we interest you in "over 700 different denim styles," all at totally exorbitant prices? Too bad. Anyway, if you happen to pass by the location and you're wondering why on earth there are real, live human beings chewing on tuna in the store window, rest assured it's intentional. The company asked various "New York personalities" to eat a "full, real dinner" inside of the main window every night through Friday. Richie Rich, Lady Bunny, Patrick McDonald and Kenny Kenny were there last night; future guests include headband-wearing socialite Arden Wohl and socialite/"artist" Hope Atherton. "It's a rare chance to get to watch socialites eat," Racked writes. Indeed! [Racked]

So tonight marks the premiere of The Real Housewives of New York City's second season. No, that strange ache you felt near your heart wasn't indigestion. Never watched before? Here, let me introduce you.

How has the economic downturn affected a cozy-chic downtown Manhattan neighborhood? We surveyed the retail territory around Gawker HQ in NoLIta. What'd we find out there? Lots of closed stores and a lot of sales.

The mob gathered outside the Trump International Hotel is not comprised of outraged Trump Entertainment shareholders who watched the company file for bankruptcy protection for the third time today. Apparently they're crazy tweens hoping to catch a glimpse of the Jonas Brothers. But at least if Donald Trump is feeling particularly down in the dumps about today's news, he can always walk in and out of his hotel and guarantee himself a few rounds of applause.

China refuses to import bloody new Jackie Chan film. [NYT]

President Obama signed the $787 billion stimulus bill this afternoon. "Today does not mark the end of our economic troubles. But it does mark the beginning of the end," he said before signing the bill into law. Of course, this could also just be the beginning of the end of life as we know it, but at least we're all in agreement that we're in the same place, right? [CNN]

After a series of beautiful trailers and effusive fanboy reviews, Watchmen producers have generously offered to tamp down enthusiasm by releasing the movie's first full scene, which is...not that good.