An on-stage musical extravaganza. Two epic gay rights speeches. Sean Penn's upset win for Milk. The 2009 Oscars were easily the gayest yet.

With Slumdog Millionaire sweeping the Academy Awards — eight Oscars including best picture — and Kate Winslet taking best actress for The Reader, only Sean Penn's best actor win for Milk managed to surprise.

Penelope Cruz busts Nate Silver's picks in just 18 minutes

While you were busy ogling pretty ladies in pretty dresses, ABC was airing Barbara Walters' investigative report on the really important issues. Such as: Is Joe Jonas a jerk? And is Hugh Jackman gay?

He's red-cheeked, in a bar, vaguely aggressive and verbally erratic, so maybe Jack Black is a little sauced. More likely, he's just being Jack Black. Very Jack Black. (Click for clip.)

It's Oscars night, and that can only mean one thing: We're comfortably inebriated on André-based punch, wrapped snuggly in a Snuggie™ (and nothing else), and ready to liveblog the hell out of this bitch.

As soon as the couple gets within range, the network will presumably deploy Jennifer Aniston as a sort of celebrity Hellfire missile. Click for full-sized image.

Indian names baffle E!'s Ryan Seacrest, so he just held a sign up to the camera to introduce children from the cast of Slumdog Millionaire. Sad. Then things got more weird.

Evening! The celebrities are stumbling down the red carpet into the Kodak Theater for the Academy Awards right now. Keep checking here for updates on all the fashionz. Also, someone please smack Ben Lyons.

Faith Popcorn, noted "futurist" of the early 1990s, was mainly known as one of New York's worst bosses 15 years later. As the attached job listing shows, she's maintaining that reputation.

Like a waffling yard sale lady who, push come to shove, simply couldn't part with her prized collection of People "Sexiest Man Alives," Nick Denton has succumbed to a crippling case of seller's remorse.

Kim Zolciak, the homewrecking, fake-cancer-surviving star of The Real Housewives of Atlanta has lost control of her blog to a surly "webmaster" demanding payment — according to someone at her (former?) PR firm.

[A worker prepares an Oscar statue that had lost its luster during a year in storage to gleam outside the Kodak Theatre tonight; pic via Getty]

A tipster tells us Wendi Deng dropped by MySpace headquarters with a friend on Friday. What is Mrs. Rupert Murdoch up to at the News Corp.-owned social network?

Those who can't do, teach. Second Life, the most overhyped virtual world, has been abandoned even by its most fervent journalistic promoters, like Reuters and Wired. It's now pitching itself as an online schoolhouse.

Is it a big fat spoiler to point out that a trailer is a big fat spoiler? Because that's what this one is. I read the script a while back and except for the very end, everything's in here. The movie stars Adam Sandler as comedy superstar "George Simmons" who befriends up-and-comer Seth Rogen. They play pretty much the same Apatow man-boys that populate all of his movies, except here they're dealing with issues weightier than whether it's worth it to give up their bongs to get a hot girl.

In this video that was "leaked" yesterday by the show's producers, Hugh Jackman talks about how hard he's working and why it's so very important to not make an ass out of yourself. And you get a glimpse of some of the numbers the show's producers — Bill Condon and and Laurence Mark, who last collaborated on the film version of Dreamgirls — have come up with. So, yes, not much of a mystery that the show will borrow a lot from Broadway.

After ruining the economy, the country and the world, no one wants to hire former Bush officials. Reports the Wall Street Journal, "only 25% to 30% of ex-Bush officials seeking full-time jobs have succeeded."

White House decorator Michael Smith paid for and organized Thursday's Four Seasons media lunch in honor of Obama socialite-in-chief Desiree Rogers, a guest's friend tells us. The president should be wary.

[Slumdog Millionaire's Rubina Ali received a kiss yesterday from a neighbor before heading to the Mumbai airport to catch a plane to Los Angeles for the Oscars; pic via Getty]