More speculation today surrounds the whereabouts of Precious (née Push: Based on a Novel by Sapphire), the celebrated, Benjamin Bratt-terrifying drama that won last month's Sundance Film Festival before tumbling into bidding-war lawsuit limbo.

Elie Wiesel, author, survivor, voice of morality, expert on evil, has found someone he'd like locked up and tortured for crimes against humanity: Bernie Madoff, who took all his money.

[Lindsay Lohan buying underpants in London; image via Splash]

Why are musicians always the most hilariously touchy creatures? Foulmouthed, pocket-sized crooner Lily Allen is furious at unnamed New York Times editors for licensing photos of her to British tabloids — "cheap skanks," she says.

Conservatives are outraged that DC might eventually have a voting representative in the US House. Not because this means a bunch of poor black people will be marginally more powerful*, but because it's unconstitutional.

Forget simple rational reasoning. The Fox & Friends crew can't even say a damn catchphrase right. When talking about The Simpsons this morning, Gretchen Carlson and friends did a long string of terrible "D'oh"s.

Dear media companies: Please stop trying to innovate. You're lousy at it. Hearst's supposed "Kindle killer," an electronic reader for magazines, is just the latest in a series of debacles from the moribund print-media business.

A recap of the last few days in benefits and parties—including the Frick Collection's Young Fellows Ball, above—is after the jump.

Hey, Hillary did something awesome: Our new Assistant Secretary of State for Democracy, Human Rights, and Labor is Michael Posner, head of Human Rights First.

Oh thank the blue heavens. Socialite-philosopher Tinsley Mortimer, who designs fashions and talks like a bird, was spotted with her estranged husband, Topper, at a fancy uptown party last night.

The 18 NYU kids who occupied the Kimmel center got their just desserts: one week suspensions for all!

• Fox News remains in first place in the cable news ratings race. MSNBC is showing modest gains, while CNN is dropping like a lead balloon. [NYT, MM]
• Cablevision says it plans to charge readers to access to Newsday.com. [NYP]
• Hearst is launching an e-reader for magazines and newspapers. [Fortune]
• The Times is launching several local "citizen journalism" sites. [E&P]
• Sony CEO Howard Stringer has pushed aside two senior execs. [WSJ]
• Old Navy's newest ad campaign resembles a celeb tabloid. [Jossip]
• Peter Scarlet has resigned as the Tribeca Film Fest's artistic director. [THR]
• Take a tour of the White House with Katie Couric if you'd like. [YouTube]
• Denver's Rocky Mountain News says goodbye. [RMN]

The news that Google is placing ads on Google News has sent a renewed wave of handwringing through the newspaper industry. How dare those Googlers make online news a profitable business!

As predicted, two of my American Idol predictions were wrong in last night's semifinal eliminations episode. Cuteso Kris Allen is through, as I'd hoped, as are Allison (good!) and shrieking Adam Lambert (very, very bad).

"People need to be encouraged to start spending again," Michael Gross writes, especially the masters of the universe—such as John Thain, left—who made a mint during the boom years and then led us into this mess. So how do we go about doing that? Not by shunning them, or requiring them to take their fortunes and turn the cash over to the government. (It would probably be wasted on Citigroup anyway.) Maybe we could just force them to pump the cash into the local economy?

[Steve Buscemi reprises his P.I. role on "30 Rock", filming in New York with one of its stars, Alec Baldwin; image via Bauer-Griffin]

Casting has been announced for the movie version of Damn Yankees, the baseball musical. Jake Gyllenhaal will sing! Also in casting news are Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg, a Woody Allen movie, and Gossip Girl.

Whoo! CPAC! It's CPAC season! Let's meet the future of the Republican party, everyone!

These may be depressing times, but occasionally a bit of news comes along to remind you that we can overcome any obstacle, no matter how daunting, provided we just believe. Today's shot in the arm: Tinsley Mortimer (the newly-improved version, of course) appeared at the Frick Collection’s Annual Young Fellows Ball last night with husband Topper in tow, a couple of months after it was reported that couple had split up because Tinz was sick of Topper's "promiscuous ways."

Hey, the racist email mayor resigned! Though he still won't admit to, you know, racism. AND: there is news on Ol' B-Face!