That upcoming book by the guys who invented the Bacon Explosion"? It won't even have the Bacon Explosion" recipe in it. That was the only consolation prize for killing literature forever, guys. [Pitch]

L.A. prosecutors have charged 19-year-old R&B singer with beating his girlfriend, fellow artist Rihanna. He could get almost five years in jail if convicted of the two felonies.

In your muddy Thursday media column: the grownup version of 'Jocks vs. School Newspaper Nerds,' a blogger passes away, everything is too sexy, and rumors of magazine troubles:

The hero of the Hudson Plane Ditch was seen today as just a passenger on a plane. But NOT on his employer's airline, US Airways. No, the villain was flying Virgin America!:

It was another crappy day on Wall Street. The Dow fell 281 points, or 4.1 percent, and shares of Citigroup dropped below a dollar this morning before closing out the session at $1.02. You won't find much good news on the job front: A new report indicates the city has seen a whopping 85,400 jobs vanish since August. So is there any good news to report? Michael Jackson made a rare public appearance today to confirm he's staging a comeback tour, so if that serves as any consolation, well, we're glad to hear it. [CNN, NYT]

Why has the Gray Lady assigned full-time reporters to communities in Brooklyn and New Jersey? Even a Times editor admits the paper will never make money on microjournalism. But they could market software to bloggers.

The Republican National Committee is hiring—via YouTube! Scores of patriotic young Republicans have uploaded video job applications. Below, marvel at five of the most promising future American leaders. Al Quaeda suxxx!

Comedian D.L. Hughley was pummeled by critics when his weekend talk show debuted on CNN last fall. "What the hell was CNN thinking?" a columnist for AdAge asked after watching the first episode. It remains unclear what was running through the minds of CNN execs when they signed him up for the spectacularly unfunny program featuring painfully awkward interviews. But the network may have come to its senses or at least decided to cut its losses. A source tells us that CNN has decided to cancel the show due to "budgetary constraints." We haven't heard back yet from reps at CNN, although the move wouldn't be surprising given CNN's troubles as of late and the fact that HLN (the network you used to know as Headline News) is now "beating its older sibling CNN in the target 25-54 demo," according to Broadcasting & Cable. We'll let you know as soon as we hear more. Update: It's confirmed: Hughley is out. An official statement from CNN and more detail on his departure below.

Michael Jackson has just made a landmark announcement. He's broke, so he needs to go on tour. The press conference he staged was very odd—audio problems, mumbling, eerie Hitler-like gestures. News people were befuddled.

This is both the best and dumbest season of The Real World that's ever come rumbling out the damn gate. Trannies and grasping beauty pageant ladies and lamewads abound. Brooklyn is in ruins.

Gov. David Paterson may just boost his sagging approval ratings yet: He announced today that he plans to take a 10 percent pay cut. "I will symbolically make the gesture for the state," he said to reporters in Buffalo this afternoon. "I will take that sacrifice." Of course, he'll also have a fine excuse if it comes out once again that he gave a total of $150 to charity. [NYT/City Room]

People in the UK got upset over this ad, because of drugs. Hold on there: it's an anti-drug ad, allegedly. The lesson is, ad people love to work while high. [via Adrants. Click to enlarge]

For vice squads, Craigslist personals, home to many a paid hookup, make prostitution busts as easy as buying a couch. So why is an Illinois lawman suing the website?

Michael Jackson is giving a press conference right now about some tour dates, and the CNN cameras decided to follow his bus as it sped toward the event. Only their anchors didn't give a shit.

[Angelica Growly filming her new movie 'Salt' in our nation's capital today; image via INF]

Michael Wolff has a little critique of Barack Obama posted to Newser.com if you're interested. "A frenzy of confidence and desire"? "A desire to be loved"? "Greedy, grasping, wanting"? "A sense of sleaziness"? You'll have to excuse us: For a moment, we thought he was finally addressing this! He isn't, alas. And so the wait goes on. [Newser]

Sara Nelson recently got laid off as the editor of Publishers Weekly, so she's blogging about her "Reinvention." So far she's decided she does not want to be reinvented as Graydon Carter.

Chace Crawford hailing a cab in the West Village ... Mickey Rourke walking into Nello's on Madison Avenue ... Cameron Diaz leaving her apartment building ... Kate Winslet taking her daughter to school ... Tyra Banks having lunch at Gusto on Greenwich Avenue ... Steve Martin standing on the set of his new movie in Brooklyn ... Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber holding hands while walking downtown ... and Katie Holmes filming scenes for The Extra Man outside the Russian Tea Room.

Yet another sign that the apocalypse really must be near: Wal-Mart says it is looking for space for its first Manhattan location. The chain supposedly passed on the Virgin space in Union Square; another possible location is along the corridor of crap on Sixth Avenue in Chelsea. But on the plus side, Sarah Palin will finally have somewhere to shop if she ever comes back into town. [NYP]

We heard a downright bizarre unconfirmed rumor that Hearst's flailing newspaper division is considering merging the Houston Chronicle and the San Antonio Express-News into one operation. Bizarre, we say, for two reasons: