• Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou are married. Sort of. The couple reportedly traveled to Africa last summer to tie the knot in a secret ceremony, but the marriage isn't valid in the US since Kimora was still married to Russell Simmons at the time. But Djimon went shopping for an engagement ring last week, so they'll sort it all out soon enough. [NYDN]
• An escort who claims she serviced Eliot Spitzer has lots of details to share about the encounter, if you're feeling brave this morning. Among other things, she claims he liked to choke her during sex. [R&M]
• Jeffrey Toobin doesn't believe that he's the father of Casey Greenfield's baby, although she's asking for a paternity test to know for sure. [R&M]
• Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel have split up. Again. [People]

How many pilots does ABC have in the works about the meltdown on Wall Street and the "sad toll it's taken on that once-mighty warrior, the investment banker"? Two, according to AdAge: "One is an untitled project starring Kelsey Grammer, who plays a Wall Street millionaire unhorsed by the collapsing economy and forced into a 'Mr. Mom'-like role at home with the family he hardly ever saw. The other is 'Canned,' a pilot about several younger Gen X friends fired from their lofty perch at an investment bank." [AdAge]

• It's expected to be a rough week ahead for financial markets. [Reuters, WSJ]
• The world economy is on track to post its worst performance since the Great Depression, according to a report by the World Bank. [CNN]
• The financial crisis seems to be "getting ahead" of Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, as if you weren't aware of that already. [NYT]
• The big beneficiaries of the AIG bailout: Goldman Sachs, Deutsche Bank, Merrill Lynch, and a handful of other banks both foreign and domestic. [WSJ]
• After canceling a trip to reward its top brokers, Citigroup gave out $3.5 million worth of gift cards to 2,000 people as a consolation prize. [NYP]
• Credit markets appear to be tightening up once again. [WSJ]
• JP Morgan and Goldman Sachs advised on Merck's $41 billion acquisition of Schering-Plough, which was announced this morning. [DB]
• Expect to see fewer foreign bankers living it up in NYC beginning this summer: Bank of America is withdrawing job offers made to foreign MBA students. [FT]

"It was hard for me to believe that you were entirely serious about that socialist question," he told reporters. [Washington Times]

So the Sarah Silverman-Matt Damon "f*ckng" was for laughs, but the July breakup was real; Silverman's awkwardness on Jimmy Kimmel Live in October was staged but the couple's reconciliation was real. This latest breakup?

Remember the name "Jonathan Krohn." At the 13-year-old's apparent rate of mental development, he'll soon move on from speaking at a conservative convention to launching the next National Review or Fox News.

Something is seriously wrong in the Nadya Suleman camp. Other than the income-less, second-parent-less and technically house-less 14 babies, we mean: Octo-Mom somehow just lost her second publicist in one month.

The economic meltdown is supposed to "reenergize [the] creative economy" of New York by breaking the city's expensive obsession with finance. Instead, it's wrecking artists' best shot at wealth: Through Larry Gagosian.

A mild-mannered British physicist is trying to render Google irrelevant. Stephen Wolfram, the creator of Mathematica, a grandiosely ambitious piece of software, has come up with Wolfram Alpha, a grandiosely ambitious engine of knowledge.

Peaches Geldof just made headlines in the London tabloids for announcing on Facebook she has "married" her lady DJ friend. It's a joke/publicity stunt, of course, but it did get us thinking:

CNBC personalities like Rick Santelli and Charles Gasparino have done their loudmouthed best to hone the financial network's laissez-faire bonafides. Good luck holding that stance if CNBC's troubled parent company seeks a bailout.

As Chris Brown negotiates a plea deal, the R&B singer is making it known Rihanna struck him first that infamous night in Los Angeles. Why does he think it matters?

WSJ editor Julia Angwin nails it: Twitter is for self-promotion.

Twitter CEO Ev Williams and his wife, Sara Morishige, are building a house. What took so long? San Francisco's most disorganized Internet boss dude has been rich since 2003, after he sold Blogger to Google.

The Weekly Standard's most florid wordsmith, Matt Labash, has unleashed 3,156 words of pure hatred on an unsuspecting Facebook. Not an undeserving Facebook, mind you, but unsuspecting — because isn't hating Facebook so 2007?

Animated GIFs to stare at all weekend (maybe forever). (Via)

What's Obama like when he's angry? "Stronger and more impulsive," according to ex-wrestler Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, who guest-hosted Saturday Night Live last night. Click to see Barack Obama turn into "The Rock" Obama.

Curious about what friends or random Twitter people are saying about, say, 30 Rock or the State of the Union address or some obnoxious riot as its happening? Tired of hitting "reload" constantly?

Last month, the Justice Department charged former NPR correspondent and editor David Malakoff with possessing child porn. Now Malakoff has admitted it. The details are shocking primarily for their stupidity:

Shepard Fairey is America's darling, ever since that Obama 'HOPE' poster. The AP looked like jerks when they complained about him stealing their photo. But! Fairey will sue your ass for stealing his brand, quick.