Little right-wing creep kid Charles Stam sent a two thousand word letter to the editor of the Horace Mann Record, his high-school paper.

After Valleywag reported that Apple had laid off 50 salespeople last week, Apple spokesman Steve Dowling issued a blanket denial: "Not true." Turns out the layoffs happened, and Dowling lied, CNET News reports.

It's like a MadLib, isn't it? [Marginal unappealing GOP figurehead] criticized [unelected/unelectable GOP media mouthpiece] for [insane thing].

Hey, You Never Know [Flickr via Gothamist]

A debt-strapped New York Times has managed to mortgage its shiny new headquarters for a quick cash infusion of $225 million. But at what cost? Some quick Excel work gives us an ugly answer:

Meghan McCain, the famous blogger, now writes a column for Tina Brown's Like-HuffPo-But-Classy Illustrated Celebrity Internet Journal. Today she would like to write about Ms. Ann Coulter.

Given the questions that have been raised over the years about the ties between New York Times reporter Bill Carter and NBC management, it's a bit of a wonder the paper still permits him to churn out puff pieces about the network. But they do, and so today Carter happily reports that NBC News "is making a pile of money" and the NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams is doing so fantastically well that Steve Capus, the president of the division, is now thinking about becoming the "first network to expand to a full-hour newscast." There's a great idea! Now instead of not being home to catch Williams from 6:30 to 7pm, you can miss an extra half-hour between 6 and 6:30pm, too. The persuasive evidence supporting this winner of an idea is below.

With RNC chairman Michael Steele already a laughingstock inside the Beltway, he seems determined to cement that reputation nationwide. Techies will roll their eyes over a proposal Steele sent out for a new GOP website.

That poor dumb kid who "hacked" Sarah Palin's email by guessing her "security question" answers? Yes, well, he has three new federal charges:

• Keith McNally's Minetta Tavern opens tomorrow. And just in case you were holding your breath, he says his pizzeria won't open for a year. [NYT, Zagat]
• Scuderia, Silvano Marchetto's new trattoria located across the street from Da Silvano on Sixth Avenue, opens this evening. [Eater]
• Ramen Setagaya, the Japanese chain with two locations in New York City, opened a third one on University Place last night. [GS]
• What you missed at the $1,000-a-person Citymeals-on-Wheels charity dinner last night, which honored Sirio Maccioni (and was sold out). [TFB]
• Bamn!, the theme-y fast food spot on St. Mark's has gone out of business. But it may be replaced by Michael Huynh's Baoguette. [Eater]
• Starbucks's new menu sucks, according to Time Out. [TONY]
• Believe it or not, there are a few neighborhood pubs that are TV-less. [NYT]

Is it any wonder that fewer Americans declare themselves "religious" when the chimps are stockpiling weapons?

The New Republic sort of dialed down its level of maddening hawkish crazy once Franklin Foer was installed as editor, but all that could basically change right now: Marty Peretz is buying it back!

Donald Trump sure has a knack for sucking publicity out of other people's pain, doesn't he? Just a few months after capitalizing on Ed McMahon's financial problems and wading into Jennifer Hudson's family tragedy, he's now inserting himself into the Rihanna-Chris Brown mess, telling Inside Edition's Deborah Norville that he'll consider Rihanna a "loser" if she ends up getting back together with Brown. Point taken, although given his epic failure in Atlantic City last month, his epic failure in Mexico last week, and his sagging ratings for the latest season for The Apprentice, it's safe to say Rihanna won't be the only name on the list. [LAT]

[Audrina Patridge of "The Hills" at LAX today; image via Bauer-Griffin]

At last month's orgy of consumption that was the Yves Saint-Laurent's art auction, a $28 million armchair claimed the prize for decadence. Now The Economist has revealed the mogul who flaunted his obscene wealth:

Google CEO Eric Schmidt, who spent much of last fall declaring the search engine unaffected by Wall Street's crisis, has admitted that the company is "not immune." But is he being honest about its plight?

In news that will come as a surprise to precisely no one, it appears the Palm Beach Country Club has taken the final step and officially expelled Bernie Madoff from the club. A tipster tells us that late last week, Bernie's golf handicap at the PBCC, which had been posted to the United States Golf Association website, suddenly vanished. Unfortunately, we were unable to confirm the latest disgrace to a man who couldn't even play golf if he wanted to: A woman who answered the club's phone said no one would be prepared to comment on the matter. But all is not lost for the Madoff clan!

Burns, the meticulous documentarian who chronicles various lives and movements in American history, has been cut loose by the extremely imperiled GM, after twenty-two years of sponsorship. He's not the only American dreamer they've dropped.

Michelle Williams and Spike Jonze taking a walk in Brooklyn ... Justin Timberlake playing basketball on a public court downtown ... Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky sitting courtside at a Knicks game at Madison Square Garden ... Julia Roberts leaving her hotel in Midtown ... Helena Christensen walking in the Village ... Beyonce shooting a video in Tribeca ... Meryl Streep reading the Times on the set of her new movie in Brooklyn ... Madonna and Jesus Luz leaving the Kabbalah Center ... Ru Paul walking in the meatpacking district ... Ice-T and Coco leaving a show at Caroline's in Times Square ... Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard arriving at the Classic Stage Company on East 13th Street ... Nelly leaving the Trump International Hotel ... Tim Robbins playing hockey in the Village ... Kiefer Sutherland leaving Kingswood in the West Village with his girlfriend, Siobhan Bonnouvrier ... Naomi Watts carrying her new baby in the meatpacking district ... and Tyra Banks leaving the Waverly Inn.

A Swiss man has confessed to extorting $10 million from Susanne Klatten, a billionaire German heiress to the BMW fortune, in a bizarre revenge attempt for her family's involvement with the Nazi regime.