In the past, when science fiction writers imagined how machines would be our faithful servants, they mostly envisioned robots performing useful tasks like making breakfast and doing laundry. They had no idea that in the post-millennial age, the finest technological minds would be working tirelessly to provide multiple solutions to a single issue of immeasurable import: How can insentient devices protect us from our embarrassing propensity to drunk dial/email/text?

Marie Douglas-David's bitter divorce from United Technologies chairman George David is going to haunt us for weeks, it seems. Just when you think the couple might take a cue from the grim economic climate—and overwhelmingly negative press coverage—and, like, chill, comes another round of craziness.

Swedish countess Marie Douglas-David was in court explaining why she wants $100 million in her divorce: her husband was too generous! Then again, he's a heartless control freak. And she's a shrew! They're perfect together:

Marissa Mayer, Google's vice president of search products, experiences the unfamiliar at a recent visit with First Lady Michelle Obama at the White House. (Photo by AP)

Today we have a mom-dodging heartthrob, an actress who's kinky on and off screen, a cheating actor, and a confused old model who thinks she's on the cover of every magazine.

It's been 10 months since model-turned-designer Milla Jovovich first put her townhouse at 100 Greenwich Avenue on the market for $8.75 million. Since then, the four-story spread—which Jovovich picked up via a trust for $6.375 million back in 2006—has undergone two prices cuts and was even taken off the market briefly at the end of 2008. The four-bedroom home—which features heated stone floors, five fireplaces, solarium, roof terrace, and a master suite that encompasses an entire floor and includes a sitting/dressing room and "walk-in closets behind mirrored French doors"—is now priced at $7 million. Photos of the spread and a floorplan after the jump.

Did you think that the media had exhausted, then flogged to death, then reanimated as a ghost, then exorcised with Santeria all the "how the recession is effecting our lives" reportage? You naive innocent thing! There are a few more stones left to be unturned, apparently, like the disturbing epidemic we're apprised of by today's Times: Candy stores and companies are reporting big sales, since "sugar lifts spirits dragged low by the languishing economy."

Paula Froelich's debut novel, Mercury in Retrograde, doesn't come out until June, but the Page Six gossip already has MySpace and Twitter accounts set up for two of the characters in the book, along with illustrations by Marisa Acocella Marchetto. And they're both a bit fiesty! One recent tweet from "society writer" Lena Lipppencrass who goes by "LpstickCarcrash" on Twitter: "Ran into Dori Cooperman on the street—she's glowing." That she is! [Twitter, MySpace]

• Lionel Pincus's 7,000-square-foot, 14-room duplex at the Pierre, which first went on the market for $50 million and underwent a $7 million price cut late last year, has been discounted again. It can now be yours for the low price of $35 million. [Cityfile, Corcoran]
• Ira Resnick, the founder of the Motion Picture Arts Gallery, paid $10.1 million for a 37th-floor condo at the Millennium Tower on West 67th Street. His new neighbors will include Alan Alda, Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky, and Joy and Regis Philbin. [Cityfile]
• Ivan Kaufman, the CEO of Arbor Realty Trust, and his wife Lisa, are paying $9.26 million for a four-bedroom apartment at 823 Park Avenue. [Cityfile]

Spring is so romantic: Hugh Grant is making out with random pairs of women again, Rihanna is being wooed by Fez from That '70s Show and Britney Spears rekindled an old affair with Twinkies.

Tommy Hilfiger turns 58 today. Star Jones is 47. Condé Nast CEO Chuck Townsend is 65. Lara Flynn Boyle is turning 39. Lake Bell is 30. Actress Alyson Hannigan is 35. Filmmaker Curtis Hanson is turning 64. Fashion designer Bob Mackie is 69. Comedian Louie Anderson is turning 56. And Peyton Manning, the Super Bowl MVP and older brother of Eli, turns 33 today.

• Things aren't looking up for Damon Dash. He's lost a fortune recently and is buried under a mountain of debt. Now it looks like he's losing his wife, too: Rachel Roy just slapped the hip hop mogul with divorce papers. [NYDN]
• David Letterman and his longtime girlfriend Regina Lasko got married last week. [NYP, Us]
• Courtenay Semel, daughter of media mogul Terry Semel and occasional girlfriend of Casey Johnson, has checked into rehab. [P6]
• The real reason behind Jen Aniston and John Mayer's split? Jen was supposedly sick of his "obsession" with Twitter. Naturally. [Sun, Telegraph]

Courtenay Semel is ready to stop lighting her girlfriends' hair on fire, or at least regain access to the trust fund her father, former Yahoo CEO Terry Semel, locked her out of.

Your favorite Internet nut job, Tricia Walsh-Smith, is back. And she's finally moved on from complaining about her ex-husband, theater exec Philip Smith. Her latest target: Google/YouTube, since she's convinced the company has been conspiring against her by burying her search results and tampering with her videos, particularly outrageous behavior considering she's the one who made YouTube so popular in the first place! The clip is above.

• Andrew Cuomo reports that 15 of the top 20 recipients of the $165 million in AIG bonuses have agreed to give back the cash. As for the other five, Cuomo is still "thinking about" releasing their names. Hint, hint. [NYT]
• Tim Geithner will call for the Treasury to be granted the power to seize troubled financial firms when he goes before a Congressional panel today. [DB]
• More trouble for AIG: The IRS is looking into cushy tax deals that were structured by the same unit that collected those millions in bonuses. [WSJ]
• Goldman Sachs plans to give back its bailout money in the next month. [DB]
• More on the programs unveiled by Tim Geithner yesterday, which created plenty of enthusiasm on Wall Street and sent the Dow up 7 percent. [NYT]
• The trustee overseeing the Madoff mess says he found an additional $75 million laying around, so there's some good news for you. [NYT]
• What a difference a year makes: "The best-performing deal of billionaire Henry Kravis's empire is a deep-discount retailer selling $1 dog treats and $2 bleach to lower-income shoppers." [WSJ]

Jack Shafer has had it with the weepy emails about how you lost Little Timmy forever to some overdose. He's a busy man. Save it for Cary Tennis. [via Nick Douglas]

Everyone, it seems, is reaping fortune or fame from a 2006 Associated Press picture of Barack Obama. Except the AP.

If the president wants bankers to accept the billions of taxpayer dollars they need, he's going to have to accept their outrageous demands, like bonuses forever. Wait, what?

The New York Times has a Nobel-prize-winning economist on staff. But no such expert is in tomorrow's front-page story on the trillion-dollar financial bailout. Only the stock market's verdict is included.

After subpoenaing the names and addresses of AIG bonus recipients, New York attorney general Andrew Cuomo convinced many said recipients to return the cash. Well, many of those who live near the angry mobs.