[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] April 2 @ 10:15am Jennifer Aniston and a bald guy tried to open door at Serendipity 3 but it was closed.

An AOL tipster tells us incoming CEO Tim Armstrong, the Google sales veteran, wants to buy Twitter, the hot message-broadcasting startup. One problem: He hasn't even started at AOL yet.

When Steve Jobs is away, his PR mice will play! A tipster sent us this photo of Apple flack Katie Cotton snuggling up to Bruce Springsteen — apparently at a recent concert in San Jose.

To be honest, it's Friday and I'm not sure I can do justice to the whole saga. (If you want to catch up, reading through his tag page will be educational.) So suffice it to say that he sought out to capitalize on his reputation as a misogynist and lothario, this site pretty much cemented it, which was hilarious to television executives (because Hollywood is run mostly by guys who want to be misogynist lotharios) and eventually he got a TV show on Showtime (which I keep meaning to subscribe to) called, you guessed it, I Can't Believe I'm Still Single.

Some sad things happened to Real Housewives of New York City stars, a good thing happened in Iowa, everyone remotely involved with Fox News continues to suck, and we all got fired.

Oh, Rod Blagojevich. God bless you for brightening up this bleak Friday. News from you is like the sun coming out from behind the clouds! What's up now? Oh, you tried to extort Rahm Emaneul?

This week, kartoonist Jim Berhle's beloved kows joke about G20 and miss George Bush. Plus: kats!

[Students, faculty, and staff from Rutgers University gather in New Brunswick, NJ to break the Guinness world record for most Waldos in a room at once. 1,052 people showed up. Image via AP]

Twitter, the ideal medium for feigning emotion! Bonnie Fuller pretended to be shocked, Erick Schonfeld and Kara Swisher pretended to fight, and Sasha Frere-Jones pretended to function. Today's real fake tweets:

Good news is rare in these worrisome times, but here among the rubble is a little ray of sunshine (mixed metaphors!) Critically-beloved 30 Rock is finally performing healthily in the ratings.

Man, those activist judges, out in Iowa, Massachusetts, California, and Connecticut. Those damn liberals keep making us get gay married, all the time! Thanks a lot, Republicans.

• Retailers in Soho who were expecting to see a boost in sales thanks to the opening of Topshop were greatly disappointed this week. [Crains, photo via Flickr]
• Some fashion insiders are a bit miffed that Michelle Obama has shown "zero interest in the big guns of American fashion" in favor of the "new and niche." [WWD]
• Daisy Lowe is getting her own show on MTV. [Pipeline]
• Victoria's Secret has signed up Christian Siriano to do makeup. [Fashionista]
• Nina Ricci's new designer will probably be Peter Copping. [FWD]
• A day in the life of Thakoon Panichgul. In Hong Kong. [Style.com]
• The beauty brand Stila may have gone bankrupt. [Fashionista]

There was a tragic shooting in Binghamton, New York, as the shouty 24-hour news channels all hastened to tell us. One brave Howard Stern fan stood up against the strictures of seriousness and good taste.

• Christian Delouvrier, formerly of Lespinasse and Alain Ducasse, is back from Florida and is now behind the stove at David Bouley's Secession. [NYT]
• Jeffrey Chodorow's Kobe Club in East Hampton won't be back this summer. Mediocre, overpriced food will be: It's becoming a branch of Philippe. [NYT]
• As you've probably noticed, bar menus are big these days. [WSJ]
• A Craigslist ad for waiters, busboys, and bartenders attracted—yes, you guessed it—lots of former bankers and commercial real estate brokers. [NYT]
• Patois has moved from Brooklyn and has settled on Mulberry St. [LNYC]
• Celeb dining tips by Rosie O'Donnell, Jill Hennessy and Tim Robbins. [BB]

The most cathartic part of our week is here. We have to read all the awful unapproved comments all week. You don't. Well, you didn't. Now you have to read some of the worst:

Walter and Monica Noel are looking for someone to rent the family home in Southampton for July and August! Daily Intel reports the 7,000-square-foot home with ten bedrooms, nine-and-a-half baths, six fireplaces, and a heated pool, will run you $350,000 for July and $375,000 for August. There's no telling if FBI agents will stop by one day to dig up the front yard in search of buried treasure, at least you know your summer won't be lacking any drama. [NYM]

This week in press tours: Seth Rogen! Poor guy's been doing the rounds all week promoting his new movie Observe & Report and all anyone wants to talk about is that he lost some weight.

Boy, that Chelsea Handler really nailed scary Twitter-using celebrity mom Dina Lohan on Chelsea Lately! Except for one small problem: Lohan doesn't actually use Twitter.

Wall Street Journal feature writer Joshua Prager was known to work painstakingly slow. But the pieces he produced for the front page were always memorable, such as his investigation into the anonymous Iranian photographer who won a Pulitzer Prize in 1980. He announced that he's leaving the paper because he doesn't fit in any more. In the farewell that he sent his colleagues, he lobbed a few attacks at Robert Thomson, the new editor of the paper since it was bought by Rupert Murdoch. "URGENT" is a new wire service copy system that Thomson announced a couple weeks ago.

It was just over a month ago that Cityfile first reported that Vanity Fair columnist Michael Wolff was having an extra-marital affair with a young woman named Victoria Floethe. Wolff wasn't in a very good mood that day, and insisted there was absolutely no truth to the tale, adding that we'd be hearing from his lawyer for spreading such filth. We never did hear from that lawyer, and Wolff subsequently confirmed our scoop to Page Six.