When we revealed that an agency retained by JPMorgan Chase to collect outstanding debts had resorted to harrassing debtors' kids by posting nasty messages on MySpace, we didn't realize who Jamie Dimon was messing with. Meet Gina Ricobene. She's the daughter of Jim Ricobene, the man suing the bank because Gina found a message on her MySpace page threatening to put her dad behind bars if he didn't come up with the cash to pay off the loan on his Mercedes.

The hero American crew members of the Maersk Alabama taught those teenage Somali Pirates a few things about America, and its values: we value freedom of commerce. And we value being able to kill you:

Now would be an excellent time to invite your parents to come and visit New York! According to a new survey, nightly hotel rates in the city have dropped nearly 30 percent over the past year: The average room now costs $284 a night, down from $404 at the beginning of 2008. On the other hand, if you happen to despise your parents and want to punish them for ruining your childhood, you'd be better off proposing that they take a trip to Abu Dhabi, Dubai, Tokyo or Milan. Those were the only four big cities that saw hotel rates increase over the past year. [HotelChatter]

NBC has shockingly ruined the integrity of its dramatic show Chuck by allowing Subway what is perhaps the most blatant (and therefore laughable!) product placement in network TV history. Mmm, smell that chicken teriyaki.

CNN's Susan Roesgen went nuts on the air Wednesday at a Chicago tea party, blaming everything (accurately) on Fox News. But maybe she was angry because Fox turned her down for a job—twice!

Egad what a lame bunch of blinds this morning. There is a rapper who sweats too much, two vain actors, and the aforementioned drunk.

How did hipster grifter and fugitive from justice Kari Ferrell take advantage of so many people in two separate states? With charm! We have two charming emails from her, as proof. She's sorry, okay?

Bar Refaeli eating lunch at Bar Pitti ... Lauren Conrad shopping with a friend at Topshop ... Josh Hartnett walking in Tribeca ... Seal leaving the Equinox in Soho ... Jerry Seinfeld arriving at Yankee Stadium right before Jay-Z turned up ... Geraldo Rivera walking in Midtown ... Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber jogging downtown ... Ben Affleck talking on his cell phone outside Rockefeller Center ... Agyness Deyn shooting a commercial with Gabriel Aubrey and later getting into an SUV... Ciara leaving her hotel ... and Joy and Regis Philbin walking home on the Upper West Side.

It reads like the plotline for a particularly lurid Law & Order episode: A 43-year-old Bronx woman dies suddenly; her death seems tragic but unsuspicious, until the medical examiner discovers a silicone embolism in her lungs and her family reveals that she'd been given body-plumping silicone injections by an unlicensed cosmetologist, who would have been charged with homicide had she not fled to the Dominican Republic.

It's a good thing financier Steve Rattner only (allegedly) invested in movies to (allegedly) bribe state officials, and not because he thought he had a talent for picking quality films. The trailer for Chooch, the movie that Rattner (allegedly) paid $88,000 to obtain the distribution rights for, couldn't be more painful to watch. Of course, Rattner's decision to (allegedly) buy the DVD rights to the movie did help his Quadrangle Group allegedly rope in a $100 million investment from the New York state pension fund, not that means very much now that the (alleged) scheme has been exposed and the payments are under investigation. But it's a good thing they don't prosecute people for crimes against culture or Rattner would really be in trouble right now.

• Terry Richardson is adding to his real estate portfolio. The hipster photographer has paid $3.335 million for the 2,800-square-foot, three-story former fire station located at 185 Lafayette Street. [Cityfile]
• Josh and Whitney Kroenke, the grandkids of Wal-Mart co-founder Bud Walton, have put their penthouse at 201 West 17th Street on the market. The two-bedroom pad, which the siblings purchased for $2.7 million in 2005, is listed at $2.995 million. [Cityfile, Core]
• Not everyone is feeling the squeeze in the Hamptons. Joanne Corzine, the ex-wife of New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine, has reportedly found someone willing to meet her $900,000 asking price to rent out her oceanfront manse in Sagaponack for the summer season. [Newsday]

Victoria Beckham is turning 35 today. Jennifer Garner is turning 37. Actress Monet Mazur is 33. Liz Phair turns 42. The rapper Redman is turning 39. Architect Costas Kondylis is 69. Writer Cynthia Ozick is 81. Former football star Boomer Esiason is turning 47. Author Nick Hornby is 52. And television exec Henry Schleiff turns 61 today. Weekend birthdays after the jump.

• It looks like Bethenny Frankel will be staying single a little while longer. A day after she and A-Rod were spotted on a "date" at a steakhouse in Florida, the Yankee was seen "canoodling" with a "trashy blond girl" at the Delano. Oh, well. [NYDN]
• It's official: Heidi Klum is with child. [Us]
• Good news for Jesus Luz: Not only is he back together with Madonna, he's booked Dolce & Gabbana's next campaign, too. [WWD]
• Estée Lauder CEO William Lauder says he's not paying his baby mama Taylor Stein the $500k a year she was promised because she violated their confidentiality agreement. Her lawyer says it was actually William's wife Karen who leaked word of the baby to the press. [NYP]

Is it awkward being an outspoken liberal actress on 24, the show so obscenely and corrosively torture-happy that the dean of West Point said its brutal fantasies were poisoning the minds of young soldiers?

• Citigroup posted its first profit in 18 months today, which made Wall Street very happy and sent Citi shares up to a whopping $4. [WSJ, DB]
• GE's first-quarter profit fell less than expected, dropping 35% compared to a year earlier, results that gave shares a boost in early trading. [BN, WSJ]
• AIG chief Ed Liddy still owns a big stake in Goldman Sachs, info that will be most pleasing to Goldman conspiracy theorists out there. [NYT, NYT]
• Is the banking business showing signs of recovery? [NYT]
• Carl Icahn and Kirk Kerkorian are locked in battle over MGM Mirage. [WSJ]
• General Growth Properties's bankruptcy will make hedge funder Bill Ackman a very rich man. And he already happens to be a very rich man. [NYT]
• The president of the Federal Reserve Bank of San Francisco now says it was a mistake to allow Lehman Brothers to collapse. Now you tell us? [BN]

Kevin Spacey can't go shoe shopping without hanging out in secret back rooms; Madonna can't get rid of her boy toy and Gwyneth Paltrow can't keep secrets.

So now a CNBC insider says GE overlords did not apply political pressure in a meeting with the network, as previously reported. The financial network is perfectly capable of flagellating itself.

In the war between video sites, Hulu might have the Daily Show, 30 Rock and 24, but YouTube just signed big studio deals to bring you... Harper's Island and The Addams Family. Oh, Google.

Rolling Stone gives up on birthplace: "The business just is not in San Francisco now."

He could blame his investment firm's failures on the economy. His wife's DWI could be covered up by media pals. But the Obama Administration's auto-bailout adviser can't hide a bribery investigation.