Sometimes people play their roles correctly. Today's blind items: a tween star who talks to other girls and is therefore a gay, a weed-smoking rapper(!) and a drunk diva actress and her crackhead friends:

A Bernie Madoff game for mobile phones is in the works. "Made Off" will allow gamers to operate their own Ponzi scheme on the go, and is sure to be a big hit in Palm Beach. [BI]

• J.R. "Pitt" Hyde III, the founder of the auto parts chain AutoZone, has paid $11.75 million for an eighth-floor, three-bedroom apartment at the Majestic on Central Park West. [Cityfile]
• Robert Meers, the former CEO of Reebok who has gone on to start the apparel company Lululemon Athletica and who runs Taryn Rose International, has purchased a 16th-floor condo at 15 Madison Square North with his wife Miriam Kelly for $3.8 million. [Cityfile]
• The Cove Neck mansion that used to belong to Grammy-winning producer Ric Wake has gone into contract. It was listed for $4.99 million. [Newsday]

If the economic downturn has you thinking about leaving New York, you may be a little bummed by some of your "recession-proof" alternatives. According to a new survey, the locales at the top of the list of best places to live in a recession include Jacksonville, NC; Rochester, Minn; and Kennewich, Wash., which is doing just fine thanks to the numerous jobs available at its nuclear waste disposal facility. [MSNBC]

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] May 3 @ 11:15pm Saw Edward Norton with a group of people and a young lady on his arm.

Kimora Lee Simmons has good reason to munch on some cupcakes today. It's her 34th birthday. Given the events of the past year, former AIG chief Hank Greenberg probably isn't in the mood to celebrate, but it's his 84th birthday all the same. Others turning a year older today: Comedian Will Arnett is 39. Lance Bass is turning 30. Columnist George Will is turning 68. Actor Richard Jenkins is 62. Former SNL castmember Ana Gasteyer is turning 42. ESPN reporter Erin Andrews turns 31. Pia Zadora is 55. Gallerist Jeanne Greenberg Rohatyn is 42. And two of the city's top lawyers, Ed Herlihy and Paul Roth are turning 62 and 70, respectively.

• It wouldn't be fashion's biggest night without a bit of drama thrown in to spice things up. Naomi Campbell, Linda Evangelista, and Christy Turlington are reportedly skipping the Costume Institute gala this evening, possibly because Kate Moss was chosen to co-chair the event; meanwhile, Karl Lagerfeld, Azzedine Alaia, and Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana are all staying home, perhaps because Marc Jacobs has "commandeered the event" by buying two tables and dressing Moss, Madonna, and Kerry Washington. [P6]
• The Chelsea Clinton wedding rumors continue: The Boston Globe reports the former first daughter and Marc Mezvinsky may get hitched at Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen's home on Martha's Vineyard in August, which is when the Obamas will be in town, too. [BG, NYDN]
• Kelly Killoren Bensimon says picking on her has become "the new recession vocation." Sounds about right. [R&M]

• President Obama will propose new laws today to crack down on companies and wealthy individuals who use a variety of tax loopholes to move their assets offshore and avoid paying taxes. [WSJ, BN]
• Citigroup and Bank of America are both rumored to be working on plans to raise more than $10 billion in fresh capital a piece, although Bank of America is now denying that such a plan is underway. [FT, DB, BI]
• Questions are being raised about New York Fed chairman Stephen Friedman's ties to Goldman Sachs and possible conflicts of interest. [WSJ]

The Si Newhouse School's journalism awards are next month, and the mood at the ceremony could quickly get uncomfortable. Starting with Arianna Huffington getting a Lifetime Achivement award that last went to her bitter nemesis.

The New York Times Co. Sunday night said it would shut down the Boston Globe if its cost-cutting demands weren't met. As it's been saying for a month. The deadline came and went. And?

Kari Ferrell tells Animal NY's Bucky Turco she's being taken in by police in Philadelphia. She was apparently able to use her iPhone while in custody.

John Edwards' philandering has gone federal. It might soon hit the courts. And to think just last summer the scandal was penny ante: stuck in the tabloid swamps, save for a disappointing ABC finale.

In case there was any doubt he's a walking angel among us, Chesley Sullenberger has done penance for being overdue on a library book stuck in that plane he safely landed on the Hudson River.

We hear Jason Oliver Nixon, once editor of Gotham, will oversee OK!'s editor in chief Katie Caperton, the former copy editor who recently became the magazine's third editor in eight months.

The New York Times and Wall Street Journal are now in a full-blown pissing match over circulation. The name calling must be more comfortable for the newspapers than grappling with their real problems.

It's OK, CNN. We all have our suspicions about which world leaders conspired to launch this "spontaneous" swine-flu panic. But we'd pair Bush with someone from PRI. At least you "fixed" the "error" quickly.

New research shows birds can dance to music, which is different than taking footage of a bird and dubbing a soundtrack over it. Below is Snowball dancing to Stevie Nicks and Frostie doing Blues Brothers.

Everyone who lives in Brooklyn seems to have a Hipster Grifter story. I haven't told mine. Until now.

Is this hed and lede from The Onion or from the Washington Post? Place your bets.

Every Google search you make, a baby seal dies in Alaska.