Everyone's joining Twitter, did you know? Even New York Times editor Bill Keller has gotten on board, we hear — and he's just as self-promotional as the rest! Today's other Twitter trivia.

Desperate to make a quick buck? Unwilling to take the clichéd route of offering up your natural assets to the highest bidder as a high-priced escort? Provided you're not put off by the prospect of looking like Rachel Maddow for the next six months or so, a company called The Hair Trader, which bills itself as "the worlds (sic) largest independent hair sale site," is promising to turn of your other assets—your hair!—into a virtual ATM machine.

According to a source close to the Kennedys, Caroline Kennedy stopped her race for Hillary Clinton's seat because her daughter Rose told her, "Mom, you are above this." Right.

This is technically called a "horizonless projection in Manhattan" but it's basically a crazy bendy map of everything from 34th street down. Cool. [Here&There. Click to enlarge]

This memo just went out to staffers at the New York Times. Five percent is just the beginning, guys!

Do you need a job? Are you a young woman with "both head and body shots"? Do you have great hands? We have a job for you! You're gonna love it!

Are you overwhelmed today by the sheer force of the $100 million "marketing blitz" for McDonald's McCafé, the "mother of all campaigns" that's "impossible to escape"? Dié Starbucks! Drink McDonald's Coffeé Or Elsé!

Hey, it's the fifth of May everyone! Time to watch Kathie Lee embarrass herself on national television in a celebration of what white people think is Mexican culture.

May 5th @ 2:30pm Walking with a bodyguard and a short rotund older lady in a pink spandex outfit. [Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com]

Oh great. Some geniuses in the Middle East are developing a robot with a Facebook account. Easier than it sounds, considering how mechanical our online interactions are anyway.

Finally, Hipster Grifter Kari Ferrell is going to be famous! Dateline NBC is working on a story about her. Her notoriety has trickled upwards! And Philly is crazy for the Grifter and her "sexual propositions"!

Hey, Internet, what is this you have for us? Oh, good, it is a series of terrifying portraits of members of the GOP painted to resemble clowns. Thanks. [Flickr via bb]

In your eye-watering Tuesday media column: Advertising plunges, newspapers fiddle and burn, The Onion's boss tells em why he's mad, son, and DC reporters are hopelessly Obama-crushing:

So much for the swine flu. Now that just one death has been attributed to the illness—and experts have concluded that the swine flu isn't any more deadly than the regular, old seasonal flu—U.S. health officials are no longer recommending that schools close down if students come down with virus. That sound you hear? It's millions of kids groaning in pain at the prospect of having to turn off the Wii and return to their homework. [AP]

Every so often a bunch of Congressional Republicans gather at the feet of their most politically radical peer to discuss policy. Our two favorite Representatives are involved!

A website called Shoot The Banker will allow you to fire a paintball gun at someone dressed up as a banker (but is probably just an out-of-work comedian). It's Coney Island's Shoot the Freak attraction mixed with the sort of seething anti-capitalist rage that seems to be so popular these days. But it's nice to know that Vikram Pandit and Ken Lewis have something to fall back on when they eventually find themselves unemployed. Sure, you wouldn't pay cash money to fire pellets at a make-believe banker. But both men could probably charge a small fortune to allow Citigroup and Bank of America shareholders to take a shot and the line would still be around the block. [Clusterstock]

In our continuing series of guest recappers, we present a mysterious woman known only as Octavia Thundersnatch who braved one hour of insipid TV so you didn't have to.

Author Michael Gross suggested over the weekend that the Costume Institute Gala, hosted by Anna Wintour, represents the Vogue editor's attempt to compete with Graydon Carter's equally star-studded Vanity Fair Oscar bash every February. "Graydon and Anna are competing for the social crown. It's the social-status factor that defines those magazines," explained Gross. So did Graydon deign to stop off at last night's celeb-fest at the Met?

Professional media beef-starter Michael Wolff is starting another beef! It's just what he does. Today's target: NYT media columnist David Carr, who Wolff says "I've never personally liked very much." We know why, Michael!