Ugh. The story of the Slumdog Millionaire kids just keeps getting sadder. Azharuddin Mohammed Ismail, who played Dev Patel's character as a little boy, just had his shanty house bulldozed by the government.

A couple of months ago, social scenester Paul Johnson-Calderon got caught up in a messy little scandal when he was accused of stealing a woman's handbag at the Eldridge. Calderon retreated from the scene to lick his wounds and mourn over his empty mailbox. But he's back, apparently. The party-hopping "writer" made his "official reappearance" at a benefit last week for Operation Smile. Unfortunately, it didn't go as planned, at least according to fellow 'mocialite Kristian Laliberte who says that while Calderon has promised to show up with Tinsley Mortimer on his arm, she was a no-show and he had to settle for conversation with "less prominent friends." More details on this tragic turn of events below.

Attention, our target demographic: do not miss your opportunity for a Free Bouncy Ride from someone in a plush Bluebird Furry outfit, on the Lorimer L train platform at 11 pm tonight. Clean, affordable fun!:

Those of you waiting for a judge to throw the book at Bernie Madoff will have to wait a little longer. Madoff's sentencing has been pushed back from June 16 to June 29 because trying to decide who gets to speak at the proceeding has proven a wee bit complicated. Judge Denny Chin says it would be "impracticable" to have everyone who wants to address the court do so. (Presumably Chin was hoping to attend to other legal matters in 2009.) But it's not too late to turn in an application: "Those wanting to speak at next month's sentencing will need to e-mail the United States Attorney's office explaining why by June 10... Those selected to speak will be notified by June 15." [NYT/Dealbook]

Barack Obama decided yesterday not to release some photos of U.S. service members abusing Iraqi and Afghan detainees, and everybody says its a brave fuck-you to the left. But it's really another shrewd Obama rope-a-dope.

I am of course referring to Kristin Cavallari, Lauren Conrad's arch nemesis. Now that LC is leaving the reality show she built with meek facial expressions, MTV has tapped the villainess to do 10 episodes.

Still ridiculously wealthy despite the downturn of the past year? Maybe you should consider selling your eight-figure Fifth Avenue apartment and moving to Zurich. According to a new survey, Switzerland is the "most attractive location" for the international wealthy, beating out places like London and New York, which came in fourth place. The analysis looked at a variety of factors, including tax rates, political stability, and the quality of education. One thing it didn't take into account? Local cuisine. Assuming you're willing to give up decent sushi and Mexican food, be advised there's a plane leaving from JFK at seven o'clock tonight. [WSJ]

Fiction author and former Gawker intern James Frey knows a scandalous secret about Oprah, allegedly. It's on tape, allegedly! We journalistically went to Frey's book reading last night to hear him tell the whole story:

[The actress on the set of her new film "Hesher" in Los Angeles; image via INF]

Today we have a nasty old actor who's been having 'em young, a drugged out actor who peed on everything, and a secret West Hollywood sex tape that's really raunchy.

If you regularly tune in to Countdown with Keith Olbermann on MSNBC, you may remember that Olbermann was mysteriously absent from the show for three days at the end of April. But Olbermann didn't just "have the night off," as David Shuster, his fill-in, said on the air three evenings in a row. According to a source inside MSNBC, it was a bizarre temper tantrum on Olbermann's part that led him to storm off the set in protest. Even stranger: The drama was all Ben Affleck's fault.

Incredibly, this story is not about a fallen former New York governor who strikes it rich with a new crystal meth recipe. [Science Daily]

Owen Wilson shopping at the Apple store in Soho ... Olivia Palermo checking her BlackBerry outside the Standard Hotel, and later going to the DVF offices with Whitney Port ... Brooke Shields walking with her daughter in the East Village ... Jason Bateman carrying daughter Francesca on his shoulders ... Hugh Jackman going to breakfast with his wife and kids, and later jogging along the West Side Highway ... DJ Clue filming a music video with Fabulous in the meatpacking district ... Ewan McGregor leaving ABC studios ... Nick Jonas arriving at JFK ... and Jennifer Aniston sitting on a stoop with a bunch of kids on the set of The Baster in Brooklyn.

• Eve Weinstein, the ex-wife of film mogul Harvey Weinstein, has lowered the price of her sixth-floor apartment at 1133 Fifth Avenue for the second time since first putting it on the market in December for $13.5 million. The four-bedroom spread, which was reduced by $1 million in February, can now be yours for $11.9 million. [Cityfile, Sotheby's]
• Alleged scam artist James Nicholson's Meadow Lane mansion in Southampton has been seized by authorities. The oceanfront estate, which he purchased from John and Lauren Veronis for $27 million in January—and unsuccessfully tried to resell for $33 million a few weeks later—has since been appraised for $25.5 million. [NYP]

Tom Hanks' sex scenes were cut from Angels & Demons, Olivia Palermo joins Elle, and John Mayer tries to get girls to sleep with him by text messaging "I want to tuck you in."

Writer/director Sofia Coppola is 38 today. Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is 25. David Byrne turns 57. Cate Blanchett is turning 40. George Lucas is officially a senior citizen: He's turning 65. Actress Amber Tamblyn is turning 26. Director Robert Zemeckis is 57. Actor Tim Roth is 48. ESPN's Suzy Kolber turns 45. Poison guitarist C.C. DeVille is turning 47. And Danny Wood of New Kids on the Block is hardly a kid anymore: He turns 40 today.

• Olivia Palermo's imaginary career is on fire. The City star is reportedly leaving her "job" at DVF to "work" in the publicity department at Elle. So if you see anything in Elle that seems to have been ripped from another magazine, now you know who to blame. [P6]
• Jay-Z demanded a Maybach, champagne, "good quality" peanut butter and jelly, 12 shot glasses, and a pack of Marlboros—along with $750,000—before agreeing to perform at the University of Arizona last month. [SG, P6]
• Jesus Luz's dad says his son and Madonna "definitely" plan to tie the knot in a Kabbalah ceremony shortly. But Jesus won't have to bother signing a prenup since the marriage won't be legally binding. [NYDN]
• The good news for Amy Winehouse: She's reportedly no longer addicted to drugs. The bad: She's supposedly traded the drugs for booze. [OK!]
• Man of the people: Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein was spotted flying coach on a flight from New York to DC. [P6]

Christie's auction of postwar and contemporary art last night turned out to be a considerably more upbeat affair compared to the mood at Sotheby's lackluster sale on Tuesday. The Christie's event roped in $93.7 million, a little bit less than the $104.5 million high estimate, and only five of 54 works failed to find buyers. And Larry Gagosian continued his shopping spree. The dealer beat out two other bidders for Lichtenstein’s "Frolic," paying $6 million, a new record price for the artist. [NYT]

• AIG's Ed Liddy now says the company will need three to five years to carry out its restructuring plan and repay taxpayer bailout money. [NYT]
• Hedge funds actually saw returns rise more than three percent in April. [DB]
• Walter Noel's Fairfield Greenwich hedge fund is no more. The disgraced firm is handing over its remaining $2.5 billion to Sciens Capital. [NYP]
• The rich get richer: As financial firms raise capital and pay back TARP money, it's Goldman, Morgan Stanley and JPMorgan that are profiting. [Fortune]

Sometimes I wish that just one time in a situation like this Obama would walk up to the microphone and say, "you know what...screw all y'all!" But a boy can dream, can't he?