[Jennifer Aniston, still filming "The Baster", in New York; image via INF]

Today we have a young starlet doing cocaine (surprise!), a little blind item triptych about two actors and a former beauty queen, and a TV star with deep dark secret.

• Marty Sprinzen, the founder of Forte Software, which was sold to Sun Microsystems for $540 million in 1999, has put his 4,552-square-foot apartment at 838 Fifth Avenue up for sale. The ninth-floor residence, which was once owned by Lily Safra and is one floor below the apartment Jimmy Nederlander bought in 2006—is now on the market for $24.5 million. [Cityfile, BHS]
• Seymour Zises, founder of the investment advisory firm Family Management, and his wife Cathy, have gone into contract to sell their second-floor apartment at 1016 Fifth Avenue. The five-bedroom co-op had most recently been listed for $10.95 million. [Cityfile, Stribling]
• William Little Jr., the chairman of George Little Management, the trade show production company founded by his father, has paid $6.64 million for a 16th-floor apartment at 170 East End Avenue. [Cityfile]

Some guy shamed himself in a restaurant to try to get Jennifer Aniston back, Criss Angel is going around stealing cats all over Las Vegas, and Kate Gosselin is most definitely boning her bodyguard.

Jamie-Lynn Sigler is 28 today. Fox News chief Roger Ailes is turning 69. Chazz Palminteri is 57. Jasper Johns is 79. Former Secretary of State Madeline Albright is turning 72. Current Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius is turning 61. The founder of Essence Communications, Ed Lewis, is 69. Sportscaster Dan Patrick is 53. Ahmet Zappa is turning 35. Brian Eno is 61. Former football player Emmitt Smith is turning 40. Learning Annex founder Bill Zanker is 55. And actor David Charvet, better known as the father of Brooke Burke's kids, is 37. Weekend birthdays—including that of Edgar Bronfman Jr. and Charles Kushner—below.

• Lindsay Lohan is certainly having a good week. Not only did she finally land another acting role—she'll be appearing in The Other Side, along with Woody Harrelson, and Giovanni Ribisi—but she may be getting her own clothing line at JCPenny, too. And the cops are getting closer to figuring out who broke into her house, too, which has got to be good news. [NYDN, People, NYP]
• These are tough times for Jennifer Aniston, clearly: Bette Midler is now providing her with dating advice and says Jen should sign up on JDate and find "a nice Jewish boy" with "a lot of money." [NYDN]
• Rihanna is "convinced" it was Chris Brown who leaked nude photos of her last week as payback for not attending his birthday party. [NYDN]
• Chelsea Clinton has a six-pack! [P6]

Taken by my friend Amy V. Cooper, this pic shows the interior of New Orleans musician Clint Maedgen's apartment a few days after Hurricane Katrina ravaged the Gulf Coast in 2005.

This past Sunday night, my first night as editor filling in for Ryan Tate, the Gawker internal server crashed, and I couldn't help feeling overcome with "what the hell did I get myself into?" thoughts.

• The Carlyle Group will pay $20 million to end an investigation by Andrew Cuomo into its dealings with pensions and placement agents. [NYT, WSJ]
• Two attorneys at the SEC are under investigation for insider trading. [CBS]
• Hedge fund manager Jim Simons is facing tough questions from angry investors who put money into one of Simons' under-performing funds. [WSJ]
• Barclays is in talks to sell its Barclays Global Investors. Blackrock and Bank of New York Mellon are two of the bidders. [BN, Reuters]
• Six major insurance companies are getting a bailout. [BN, NYT]

Tonight Jon Stewart took a less than familiar Daily Show target, the Obama administration, to the proverbial woodshed for breaking promises that were made during the campaign on governmental transparency and gays in the military.

Hey remember swine flu, that horrible, HORRIBLE scourge on humanity that killed tens worldwide a couple of weeks ago. Well, it's back, so says the media anxious to fan the flames of frenzied delirium again.

Atheism! It's running rampant all over the place, destroying our country, ripping it to shreds at its very core. And the New York Times is to blame, so says Sean Hannity, man of God.

About an hour ago a tip came in featuring the following subject line: "Jessica Alba Visits Yale Secret Society, Pictures Leaked!" Whoa! The "Wolf's Head Society?!" Oh hell yes! Let's take a look, shall we?

Keith Olbermann's Ego Trumps the Truth [Gawker]

Yesterday we told you about how the Washington Times ran a photo of the Obama girls with a story about schoolchildren being murdered in Chicago. Outrage ensued. Now we have the Times' explanation.

Oh man, Keith Olbermann took to his nightly airwaves to try and shame CityFile, Wonkette and us for raising questions about his unexplained vacation last April. We're not sorry.

Today Glenn Beck, Fox News' maniacal dildo, had GM CEO Fritz Henderson on his show. Beck attempted to rope Henderson into his anti-governmentalism, even mocking Obama's "yes we can" slogan along the way, but failed.

Sony Pictures employees can now waste their time on MySpace again, thanks to Valleywag. (You're welcome.) Here's the tale, from inside Sony's Internet operations, of how our story got the ban lifted.

A study commissioned by the Spanish government to monitor that country's air quality has reported what most European travelers already knew: Their entire country is just one enormous coke den. Like, you can breathe it!

• CBS has released more footage from Morley Safer's interview with Anna Wintour from this Sunday's 60 Minutes. In this installment, Anna explains why she insists on wearing sunglasses indoors. (The answer: It's her "armor.") [CBS]
• Matthew Williamson's second collection for H&M arrived in stores today. [Racked]
• LVMH may be buying a stake in the green fashion line backed by Bono. [WSJ]
• A retrospective on fashion photographer Richard Avedon opens tomorrow at the International Center of Photography. Cathy Horyn looks back. [NYT]