May 19 @ 2:15pm Just spotted Ashlee, Pete, and Bronx Mowgli entering Central Park at 64th and 5th, conveniently blocking the bus lane with their gigantic SUV. [Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com]

Scientologist macher John Coale hatched a crazy plan to forge an alliance between Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin, Politico reported this morning. In a rare—solitary?—display of good judgment, Palin turned him down.

Were you aware that an eleventh-grader is running for New York City Council? It's not a joke nor is it part of an elaborate reality TV prank (although the eleventh-grader in question did catch an early break when he appeared on Ice-T's Rap School back when he was an eighth-grader.) Dodge Landesman really is hoping to win, and he's already lined up support from restaurateur Danny Meyer and actress Julianne Moore, according to The New Yorker's Ben McGrath. (This is probably a good moment to mention that his dad is mega-producer Rocco Landesman, one of the most powerful men on Broadway, and, as of last week, President Obama's choice to lead the NEA.) Dodge will only be on the ballot for voters who live in the second district, which encompasses Kips Bay, Gramercy, and part of the Lower East Side. (Until he moves on to higher office, at least.) But even if you can't vote for him, you should still head over to The New Yorker website to see this video of him in action. Words alone cannot begin to explain. [New Yorker]

Our unflappable correspondent Stephen Kosloff attended the Village Voice's Obie Awards, which reward excellence in Off-Broadway theater, last night. These are his stories.

NBC has announced its fall TV schedule, and dropped in an immensely disappointing piece of news: the 30 Rock season premiere date is TBA. They say maybe winter; it's currently May.

The Hamptons real estate market really sucks at the moment, as you may have heard. According to stats guru Jonathan Miller, the number of unsold homes on the East End rose 15 percent during the first quarter while the median price of a house dropped 23.5 percent compared to a year earlier. One brokerage firm reports that sales of Hamptons homes have plunged by 67 percent during the first three months of 2009. But Michael Daly, the founder of North Haven's True North Realty, is keeping it all in perspective:

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] May 19 @ 2:30pm At the Duane Reade on West 50th Street buying a Rolling Stone magazine and a few other items.

Hipster Grifter Kari Ferrell currently sits in a Philly jail cell awaiting extradition to Utah. OR DOES SHE? She's also a vegetarian lesbian named Erin from Detroit on OkCupid.com!

St. David's isn't the only private school in the city closing on account of swine flu. Horace Mann is closing for the rest of the week and will reopen after Memorial Day. Not that any of the kids there actually have the virus. But as anxious, obsessive Horace Mann students will no doubt appreciate, the school just wants to play it really, really safe. [Bloomberg]

We already know more about Michael Wolff than we'd frankly like to, so his disclosure today that pervy American Apparel founder/pornographer Dov Charney recently hit on his daughter in Union Square just creeps us out.

[Here, your paleofameball missing link, Darwinius masillae. Would it have killed it to put on a nicer outfit? Pic: Getty]

The Hills has fallen victim to the recession. Yes, a single job loss has swept the dusty mounds, and, presumably, has blown over the actual hills as well. We weep for Handbags, deprived of employ.

In your total ripoff Tuesday media column: the worst media internship offer in at least a couple days, flackery invades the media (moreso), and a J-school student would rather not help solve a murder:

Patrick Swayze is alive and well, his spokesman has confirmed. How did false reports of his passing consume the internet for several hours today? Through the false rumor's vehicle of choice: Twitter.

It was more than year and a half ago that Paramount chief Brad Grey was served with divorce papers by his wife of 25 years, Jill Grey. The case finally wrapped up last week when the two sides reached a settlement. Just how much Jill walked away with wasn't disclosed in the court docs. Judging by her signature, though, it's safe to assume she did just fine. [TMZ]

A downtown magazine is looking for you. Provided, that is, you've been in a coma for the past year, you just woke up, but you haven't had the time to catch up on the news yet. Per the casting call notice:

RNC chairman Michael Steele is giving a big speech right now insisting the Republican Party's principal problem is that it apologizes too much, which is basically what a walked-all-over girlfriend (or boyfriend!) says, right?

Horace Mann, New York's most Gossip Girl-esque private school, is closing due to SWINE FLU fears. If there's one way to revive the city's panic, it's getting private school parents involved! Update: Read the memo.

An action yarn complete with ham-slamming fisticuffs and wittily bantered-about gun play, a sexy/funny love interest (Rachel McAdams), and a door hoofening sidekick (Jude Law's Watson). While some (including us) may have been hoping for something darker and more ruminative, something in the vein of From Hell (but better), we should have known better based on Ritchie's lock stocking oeuvre. Ah well.