RNC chairman Michael Steele is giving a big speech right now insisting the Republican Party's principal problem is that it apologizes too much, which is basically what a walked-all-over girlfriend (or boyfriend!) says, right?

Also he's going to quit, apparently. Some members of the RNC are concerned about handing over the party's purse strings to an obviously incompetent hip-hop enthusiast whom they only hired to be a black Republican on TV, so a move is afoot to restrict Steele's ability to spend money. The state parties are scheduled to vote on it tomorrow, and Steele got all "I Will Survive" and told Fox today that "they can contemplate all they want to, but the reality is if they want a figurehead chairman you can have a figurehead chairman, but it won't be Michael Steele." Um, they actually did want a figurehead chairman. So sorry for the misunderstanding, Mike. We're sure they'll be a great reference and wish you luck in all your future endeavors.

But if he doesn't make good on his threat to walk right out that door, Steele has an excellent solution to his party's troubles: Stop making apologies. "The era of apologizing for Republican mistakes of the past is now officially over," he says according to an advance text. "It is done." You go, girl! So when Steele said in February, "we know the past, we know we did wrong—my bad," that was OK, because it was during the Era of Republican Apologies, which Steele just officially ended. So listen up Republicans: Next time one of you refers to Chuck Schumer as "that Jew," do not back down! Stand up for your beliefs! You are fierce women who deserve only the best!

But the best line in this hilarious speech? The instant classic: "This change, my friends, is being delivered in a teabag, and that's a wonderful thing."