Good news, substance-dependent lads and lasses: For a limited time only, possession of your favorite embarrassing club drugs—including meth, ecstasy and ketamine—is legal in Ireland.

No need to panic, yet, but yesterday Washington D.C. firefighters discovered a mysterious, still-unidentified substance inside a just-opened 40-year-old safe. All that's known about the substance so far is that it "exhibited a chemical reaction to water," as the Washington Post put it.

A jury in California decided on Wednesday that "Blurred Lines," the Marvin Gaye-ripoff pop track that poisoned the 2013 summer radiowaves with advocacy for ignorance over sexual consent, will cost songwriters Robin Thicke and Pharrell Williams a $7.3 million payout to the Gaye family. Good. Fuck that song.

The Georgia teen who heroically blew through tens of thousands of an elderly neighbor's dollars after they were mistakenly deposited in his bank account last March has finally had his sweet run ended by a judge. He's been ordered to serve 10 years probation and pay back the $30,000 he spent.

In January, Yahoo published a piece by a woman named Lauren Fern Watt titled "I Took My Dying Dog on a Bucket-List Adventure." The piece wasn't really an essay, per se, but some introductory text and eleven photos accompanied by captions that described Watt's relationship with her dying dog, Gizelle, who had been diagnosed with bone cancer. Watt was determined to make the 160-pound English Mastiff's last days her best days (and although the two ate lobster and doughnuts, went on boat and car rides, and cuddled profusely, who can really be sure if a dog with a terminal illness is having fun?).

Imagine: you're lying in bed, the perfume of lovemaking still stinging your nostrils and firing your neurons, legs tangled with your partner. Baby, that sex with you was so good, you coo, rolling over—only to discover that your partner is wearing a gold miniature smartphone on his wrist. Don't ever let this happen.

Hey, what are you afraid of? If it's cockroaches, carry on with your life and don't come back here. This isn't the place for you. SCRAM.

A roaring fire was set off by a house explosion in Aravada, Colo. early this morning. When firefighters arrived at the scene, they found the message "MY WIFE IS A CHEATER" spray painted on the side of the house.

For the first time since we found out she's been dodging the Freedom of Information Act, former Secretary of State and maybe-someday prez Hillary Clinton spoke publicly about her secret email account. Her defense was not satisfying.

A roaring fire was set off by a house explosion in Aravada, Colo. early this morning. When firefighters arrived at the scene, they found the message "MY WIFE IS A CHEATER" spray painted on the side of the house.

The following scenario has unfolded this way, almost daily, for decades. Yet every time is as hotly frustrating as the first. Be warned. It is graphic.

The Oklahoma Kappa chapter of Sigma Alpha Epsilon is down two members today after they were caught on video screaming racist lyrics: according to a message from the university's president, he's expelled two of the bros involved.

A white police officer shot and killed an unarmed black man at an apartment complex in Chamblee, Ga. Monday afternoon. The man has been identified as 27-year-old Anthony Hill; he is believed to have suffered from mental illness.

Every shitman deserves a second chance, right? Former revenge porn magnate Chance Trahan (that name!) is attempting to reinvent himself after his site, IsAnybodyDown, was shuttered. But he can't even start over again without exploiting someone else's life.

If you happen to be looking to show your support for SAE, in the wake of its University of Oklahoma chapter getting booted off campus for being a bunch of racists, you might be in the market for the type of confederate flag seen hanging proudly in the SAE house at Oklahoma State University. Thankfully for you, Jeff Bezos invented Amazon.

One section of the Web forum is dedicated to watching black men die, while another is called "CoonTown" and features users wondering if there are any states left that are "nigger free." One conversation focuses on the state of being "Negro Free," while another is about how best to bring attention to the assertion that black people are more prone to commit sexual assaults than whites.

Attendees at last night's Valentino show got a welcome respite from Paris Fashion Week's endless parade of really, really, ridiculously good-looking models: Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson strutting down the runway in full Zoolander/Hansel mode. [Billy Zane voice] It's a walk off! It's a walk off.

A 7-month-old baby girl was found dead Monday morning in Chicago's Little Village neighborhood after her throat was apparently cut with a circular power saw, Chicago's ABC7 reports.

In a 2013 Vine discovered by the University of Oklahoma's student newspaper, a seemingly intoxicated Sigma Alpha Epsilon house mother chants "nigger, nigger, nigger" along to Trinidad James' "All Gold Everything."

"Sup, girl?" asked a creeper buffalo during one woman's recent trip to a Washington wildlife park, adding, "Is that bread you got there? Cool. Wanna French?"