News of the entertainment world continues apace this dreary near-afternoon. Real Housewives reaches a milestone, Tom Cruise reaches an impasse, and Sigourney Weaver just can't stay the fuck away from aliens, no matter what she does.

Is Ryan Reynolds showing his pubes on the scandalous new Entertainment Weekly cover? Why don't you click through and look at the photo and then talk about it, etc.?

A Continental pilot died mid-flight; Update: CNN reports the first officer safely landed at Newark.

Anderson Cooper's mom's sexy erotica book is coming out next week! Gloria Vanderbilt is 85 and not taking any crap from anybody when it comes to, oh, kinky food sex fantasies. The New York Times is scandalized! Details!

[Whitney Port from "The City" with a friend in Soho; image via INF]

It's been a couple of months since we've had a juicy Wall Street bonus scandal. The Post is hoping to reignite the drama today by reporting that Bank of America—which was not one of the financial institutions that returned its bailout cash this week—is continuing to hand out big checks to senior execs. Bank of America insists it has no choice, and that if it doesn't hand out the money, people will flee the firm and work someplace else. You can decide for yourself who you want to feel most sorry for today: the American taxpayer, who's funding these payouts; BofA employees who need to be overcompensated to get them to work at Wall Street's equivalent of the Titantic; or the poor BofA public relations person who doesn't qualify for a big bonus but clearly has the crappiest job at the bank. [NYP]

Today we have a TV comedy star who really knows how to make romp in the sack special, a night-owl singer, a ditz who doesn't mind sniffing in public, and rehabbed celebrities vying for Parents of the Year.

Brooksville, Florida has passed a new rule requiring city workers to wear underwear and use deodorant while on the job. Brooksville's mayor, however, is skeptical of such intrusive lawmaking:

Last week, the federal government passed a bill that lets the FDA essentially control everything about how cigarettes are advertised and marketed. New restrictions could save thousands of lives. But wait, this could hurt magazines! Stop everything!

Because PETA doesn't mind looking ridiculous in exchange for PR, they're protesting Obama's ninja-like fly-killing.

It may seem as if Michael Bloomberg has it all. But money doesn't buy you everything, you know. All the riches in the world can't turn a nebbishy guy from Medford, Massachusetts into Tiger Woods, and so despite all the effort the mayor has put into improving his golf game since taking up the sport in 2000, he hasn't been able to improve all that much. But it's not like he doesn't want to. He's "obsessed" with the game, according to Christine Quinn. And it's not as if he isn't trying. He is. He really is.

Hermetically-sealed Catcher in the Rye author J.D. Salinger sued to prevent some Swedish writer from publishing an updated spinoff version of his book. And Salinger's won, for the moment! What a crock.

Looks like the party may be ending soon at Southampton's Pink Elephant. David Sarner's nightlife company filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection yesterday, listing more than $2 million in debts, including $776,000 in back taxes. The crisis in clubland continues, clearly. You can peruse the bankruptcy papers—and long list of creditors—for yourself after the jump.

Courtney Love sitting on a stoop with a friend in the West Village ... Usher arriving at JFK ... Whitney Port hanging out with a friend in SoHo ... LeBron James walking around in Harlem ... Lindsay Lohan heading into Blue & Cream on Bowery ... Donald Sutherland carrying luggage outside the London NYC in Midtown ... Diane Sawyer walking in Times Square ... Queen Latifah getting in a limo ... Rihanna going to dinner at Scalinatella on East 61st Street ... Alessandra Ambrosio carrying daughter Anja Louise in the Village ... Tracy Morgan sitting down on the set of A Couple of Cops in Brooklyn ... Ashley Tisdale grabbing coffee with boyfriend Scott Speer ... Melissa Joan Hart walking in Midtown ... Michelle Pfeiffer getting out of an SUV outside ABC Studios ... George Lopez leaving his hotel in Midtown ... Robert Pattinson filming scenes for his new movie, Remember Me, in Greenwich Village ... and Heidi Klum leaving Bar Pitti.

• Vogue creative director Grace Coddington has sold her West Village apartment nearly a year after picking up a loft in Chelsea. The buyer of the condo, which Coddington bought back in 1987: Josephine de la Baume, the model, actress and girlfriend of Mark Ronson, who paid $1.45 million for the 1,100-square-foot apartment. [Cityfile]
• Investor Derek Quinlan has lowered the price of his mansion at 20 East 64th Street. The 13,000-square-foot home, which Quinlan bought from investment banker Roberto de Guardiola and his wife Joanne for $26.25 million in 2006 and put on the market with Dolly Lenz and Monique Silberman for $37 million in April, is now priced at $32 million. [NYP, PDE]
• Roxanne Quimby, co-founder of Burt's Bees, has picked up a pied-à-terre. The Maine-based entrepreneur paid $1.025 million for a one-bedroom condo in the Printing House building at 421 Hudson Street. [Cityfile]

Elle is letting LiLo off the hook over the jewels everyone seems convinced that she stole, two cops try to blackmail Sarah Jessica Parker/Matthew Broderick, Mariah Carey will star in a London play and Justin Timberlake loves tequila shots.

Isabella Rossellini turns 57 today. Sir Paul McCartney is turning 67. Former Portfolio editor Joanne Lipman is 48. NY1 reporter Dominic Carter is turning 45. Longtime lawyer Barry Slotnick turns 70. Social fixture Kate Schelter is 33. Literary agent David Vigliano is turning 50. Actress Carol Kane is 57. West Virginia Senator Jay Rockefeller is turning 72. And film critic Roger Ebert is celebrating his 67th birthday today.

• This is a bizarre one: Two police chiefs in Ohio are now under investigation for allegedly breaking into the home of the surrogate mom hired by Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick in an effort to dig up dirt on the woman, which they then planned to sell to the tabloids or use to blackmail the couple. [Us, E!, NYDN]
• Madonna is gearing up for the arrival of baby Mercy. Gwynnie is helping to decorate and Mercy's room will supposedly feature "porcelain dolls, antique teddy bears, a library of leather-bound children's books and ancient maps of Africa to adorn the walls." [Sun]
• It looks like Lindsay Lohan is off the hook for that $400,000 jewel heist the other day. So at least there's one thing looking up for her. [NYDN]

Ever since we first heard that The Daily Show was sending Jason Jones to Iran to cover the election there, we've been anxious to see if they'd be able to find comedy in what was happening there. They did.