Oh, Louisville: you are so loved! You have horse races. Fine theater. A birthplace for baseball bats. And now: a church where the pastor is inviting his parishioners and the public to bring their guns inside the sanctuary, today.

The New York Post reports: 500,000 New Yorkers might have Swine Flu, and not even know it. Is this flavored with any kind of fact whatsoever, or is the Post just really bored with Michael Jackson stories?

Bernie Madoff is about to experience what it's like to have his life's worth taken out from under him. A judge entered a preliminary order today to yank everything he's got, and then some. He's absolutely finished.

Bankruptcy documents of Conrad Murray, Michael Jackson's personal physician who attempted to revive Jackson at the scene of his death, have emerged. The picture painted: Murray was a financially strained doctor who had liens on child support, among other things.

Infamous gossip monger/dirtbag Perez Hilton has maybe had the worst week of his life. And it's beginning to show: Perez is blogging scared. Is this the end for him?

Can Farrah Fawcett's jailed son attend her funeral? Is Coolio's next fantastic voyage to jail? Does Johnny Depp watch his own movies? Will Real Housewives of Dirty Jerz (and Kelly Bensimon!) ever go away? How's Walter Cronkite? Let's find out:

The situation is only getting worse for Iranians contesting the June 12 election of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Part elephant and part panda, a group of elephandas, the most menacing of beasts, has been unleashed onto the good people of Thailand.

Based on the results of a new study, psychologist Randolph Nesse has developed a hypothesis linking depression to the ability to discard unreachable goals, which, apparently, is an American specialty.

It's getting so you can't throw a dead cat in this city without hitting something that says "Obama" on it.

As reader Ivan points out, those clouds above SoHo are mammatocumuli – as in of or having to do with breasts! Here's another cool pic.

Like every other print magazine in the world, Interview continues to have problems.

Looks like Netflix might have a winner in their million dollar improve-our-movie-recommendations-software sweepstakes. And it's not some nerd toiling away with a protractor in his nerd room (nerd!). It's a whole bunch of nerds.

Earlier today, with a vote of 219 to 212, the House of Representatives narrowly passed a bill intended to take a serious look at how we're making the world a hotter place to live.

Police have ruled out foul play in Michael Jackson's death, and the Associated Press is reporting the singer suffered a heart attack (not just cardiac arrest). All eyes are on Jackson's cardiologist, Conrad Robert Murray, who police have yet to interview.

Maybe people who have a lot of money and want to give it away? Little children who are looking for things in dark, scary tunnels? It's hard to tell.

These unusual cloud formations above downtown New York were as fitting an end as any to a truly bizarre week. Our minds wander to corn-on-the-cob, like you'd find at a summer barbecue. Another (and meteorologist) after the jump.

The Twitterati were obsessed with the less brilliant Michael Jackson: His most brain-dead lyrics, his worst video moments and his awful neglect at the hands of...you!

This week is kind of exhausting to think about! So much happened, and so little of it was good.

Have you murdered or slept with someone you shouldn't have? Are you being forced to release some documents you totally don't want to? Do it right now. You'll never have a better opportunity.