Because Dov Charney is a hero to immigrants, The Man is all up in his business, trying to point out nitpicky technical "violations," like the fact that 1,800 of his employees are illegal. Jeez.

Oh, hey, here is a hip T-shirt that basically guarantees the eventual retaking of Congress by the GOP in 2010. Much more subtle than previous efforts, Urban Outfitters!

Today old people do fun, romantic things. A great TV actor gets a chance to play second-fiddle in a movie. Lesbians go front and center, as do aliens. Also, Grey's Anatomy is everywhere.

According to a forthcoming book by Bin Laden's son and one of his wives, the Evil One took a family vacation to Indiana and Los Angeles in 1979. And just like that, a Don DeLillo novel is born.

Staggeringly terrible Washington Post columnist Richard Cohen went to high school with the Madoffs! Who will be the hero to go back in time and blow this high school up? He was in love with Ruth!

Yesterday, Chrissie Brodigan said she was manhandled by a cop and arrested just because her pug dog threw up on the L train. But the cop says she's a raving anti-Semite! Let's explore this breathtakingly minor controversy.

The Daily Beast has unearthed a few photos of the Madoff family from back in the day, just in case you've been dying to see pics of Ruth Madoff in a bathing suit and yet, six months after her name entered the public conversation, you've yet to realize your dream. As for the t-shirt Bernie's wearing on the left, it reads "Thank you, PaineWebber." No, thank you, Bernie. You've gone above and beyond. [TDB]

Oh dear, whispers Page Six this morning. Kerry Washington—an up-and-coming actress who sure is taking a while to get up-and-over-here—is moving to New York to star in a play. And she can only pay $3,000 a month!

BusinessWeek conducted a little investigation recently and discovered that while a number of prominent CEOs have joined social networking sites like Facebook and LinkedIn over the past few years, very few had managed to make many friends. What about New York's population of socialites and do-nothing fameseekers? Naturally, they have no trouble making friends when it comes to Facebook. But that isn't the case with business-centric LinkedIn, where many of them lead lonely online existences and—worst of all—they've been forced to actually fill something in under the headers "job title" and "employer." How can you possibly be expected to have either if you spend your days sleeping and your evenings out at parties? A few examples—including Annabel Vartanian and Alex McCord (left)—after the jump.

Summer's here. That means monster season. What creatures do lurk in the darkest sewer pipes of the Tar Heel State? Some disgusting, pulsating, alien blob creatures do.

A fourteen-year-old French girl is the only survivor rescued from yesterday's Yemeni plane crash. (Initial reports had said she was 5.) She held on to floating wreckage for thirteen hours in the Indian Ocean before being rescued.

[Tina Fey having her shoes put on for her on the New York set of "Date Night"; image via INF]

Just one lone item today, about two actor brothers who are are in a secret, nasty career feud.

Bernie Madoff will rot in jail, but Ruth Madoff—his constant companion—didn't do anything criminal and won't be charged, the Feds say. Though she does still face social ostracism in Palm Beach. So.

Disturbing news for people who go through life with excruciating pain and rely on painkillers to get them through the day: A federal advisory panel voted yesterday to recommend a ban on Percocet and Vicodin, due to the drugs' potentially harmful effects on the liver. The recommendation doesn't mean it will become the law of the land; the FDA still has to vote on it. And the ban wouldn't have an impact on other popular painkillers like OxyContin, so Rush Limbaugh won't have to worry about taking up another cause. For the moment, at least. [NYT]

• Investor Gerhard Andlinger has sold his penthouse at the Time Warner Center for $37.5 million, making it the biggest residential deal the city has seen in nearly a year. Not that this should necessarily be interpreted as a sign the real estate market is back. The 8,300-square-foot apartment, which was sold to an anonymous buyer, had been listed for $65 million when it first hit the market last year. [NYO]
• Keiko Ibi, the Tokyo-born filmmaker who won an Oscar her 1999 documentary The Personals, has put her condo at 15 Central Park West back on the market less than two years after purchasing it for $1.8 million. The one-bedroom is now listed for $3.75 million. [Cityfile, BHS]
• German-born billionaire Juergen Friedrich has taken $10.5 million off the price of his 18,000-square-foot Southampton manse. The Grosvenor Atterbury-designed home, which went on the market for $67 million last year, is now priced at $49.5 million. [Curbed Hamptons, Corcoran]

Meghan McCain demands the "really hot" Hillary Duff to play her in the movie about her life, Lindsay Lohan is paid big bucks to party, Farrah is laid to rest, Michael Jackson's photographer speaks and Courtney Love suffers from malnutrition.

Ruth Madoff can breathe a little bit easier today. According to the Post, Bernie Madoff's wife will not be prosecuted for having any role in her husband's Ponzi scheme, since federal prosecutors "lack evidence that she was either aware of or involved in Bernard Madoff's scam." And here we were thinking that the $15.5 million she withdrew from her brokerage accounts in the weeks before Madoff's arrest was a little bit suspicious!

Liv Tyler turns 32 today. Indie singer-songwriter Sufjan Stevens is 34. Debbie Harry is turning 64. Fred Schneider of the B-52s is turning 58. Dan Aykroyd is 57. Pamela Anderson is 42. Renowned choreographer Twyla Tharp turns 68. Actress Claire Forlani is turning 37. Missy Elliott is 38. Former MTV VJ Hilarie Burton turns 27. Retired Olympian Carl Lewis is turning 48. And Corporal Max Klinger (Jamie Farr) celebrates his 75th birthday today.

• Lindsay Lohan will officially celebrate her birthday tomorrow. But it looks like she'll have some extra spending money in her pocket if she decides to buy herself a present. Lohan collected $70,000 to appear at an all-day birthday party in her honor at the MGM Grand last Saturday. [P6]
• A semi-private funeral was held yesterday for Farrah Fawcett. The public wasn't permitted to attend, but a gaggle of photographers was more than welcome. [Us]
• Day 6 of the Michael Jackson mess: No one seems to know who really gave birth to Jackson's kids, no one is totally sure about the final funeral arrangements, and it still isn't clear what drugs he was taking exactly, or who gave them to him. And so on it goes. [Mirror, Sun, TMZ, Us, TMZ]
• On a more positive note, David Gest says Jackson was just another "manly man" who loved women, chowing down at McDonalds, and pursuing his "passion for classic literature." That's nice to hear, isn't it? [Sun]