Bernie Madoff was sentenced to 150 years in prison last week. Exactly where he'll spend the remaining years of his life, however, has yet to be decided. It will be up to the Bureau of Prisons to pick out an appropriate facility for the fraudster. But Madoff is still hoping to have a bit of a say as to where he ends up and even hired a prison "consultant" by the name of Herb Hoelter to help him find just the right place.

[Remember this (especially the end)? Anyway, that's Chace Crawford on the "Gossip Girl" set; image via INF]

In your sunny(!) Monday media column: Macy's costs the newspaper industry $600 million, Vogue is dreadfully low-class, The Daily Beast speaks very well of a book, and here's the name of new thing to write for: 'The Ennuist.' Haha.

Mayor Bloomberg's new campaign commercial features him chatting up a bunch of cops next to a squad car. The problem? The uniforms and police car identify them as officers from the 27th Precinct, which doesn't exist in real life, but happens to be the fictional precinct depicted on Law & Order. Naturally, Bloomberg's primary challenger, Bill Thompson, is using the incident to score political points. Per a spokesman: "The make-believe police precinct in Bloomberg's ad fits perfectly with his five-borough plan and policies... All fantasies." Of course, Thompson is still clinging to the fantasy he actually has a shot at unseating Bloomberg, so it looks like everyone concerned is living in a fantasyland of some sort. [NYDN]

Poor Lydia Hearst. The deft financial analyst was to host a big Social Life magazine 4th of July party in the Hamptons over the weekend, 'cause she's on the cover this month. But alas she couldn't make it. Twas gallstones!

First of all, why is a vice chairwoman of the Young Republicans 38 years old? And secondly, why is she "lol"-ing at racist Facebook comments? Oh, right, because she is a vice chairwoman of the Young Republicans.

There was something innocent and pure about Twitter's total lack of income. But don't worry, the microblogging startup's first advertisements are sufficiently adorable.

The Way We Live Now: Emasculated. Figuratively, as The Man gives us a few extra pennies in Welfare even as cops yank our falafel-cart permit; and literally, because the fashion industry must sell skinny jeans until all balls are crushed.

• It looks like Vogue is finally taking note of the recession. The July issue features a $40 Gap hat and $50 pair of J. Crew shorts. Ouch. [NYT]
• The Transformers sequel topped the box office once again this week, raking in $42.4 million to edge out Fox's 3D movie Ice Age by a smidge. [THR]
• Some retailers have been covering up the new issue of GQ featuring a semi-nude Sacha Baron Cohen. Not that GQ minds the "controversy." [NYT]
• Casey Kasem counted down the hits for the last time this weekend. [ABC]

Oooh, look! It's Diablo Cody's follow-up to her Academy Award-winning (shoot me) Juno. The redband (NSFW?) trailer for Jennifer's Body, a snarky horror movie about Megan Fox being a righteous man-eating demon, has been released and we're... oddly intrigued.

Unemployment is through the roof, but Marc Andreessen just landed a new job: Venture capitalist. The Netscape co-founder officially has $300 million to play with, and that's all the more impressive for the black marks on his investing record.

Today is Van Wilder sequel star Kal Penn's first day at his new job. His new job at the White House! TV's Dr. Kumar is "an Associate Director in the Office of Public Engagement," working under Valerie Jarrett.

Lots of casting news today, from Charlie Murphy to Clifton Collins Jr. Plus Charlize Theron employs the best person in the business to yell at people for her.

How is Matthew Winkler, bow-tied tyrant-in-chief at Bloomberg News, quashing his staffers' dreams today? By making his underlings suffer because of a grudge he has against one of the world's most prestigious papers, according to an insider [UPDATED below].

Uh oh! The magical computer formulas that allow Goldman Sachs to continue making money, forever, as the world burns, have been stolen and sent to Germany! The FBI has arrested a Russian immigrant who used to work for Goldman.

• The buyer who paid $37 million for Gerhard Andlinger's penthouse at the Time Warner Center—setting the record as the biggest real estate deal in 2009 thus far—has been revealed. It's Andrei Vavilov, the Russian financier who agreed to buy two penthouses at the Plaza last year for $53.5 million, but ended up suing the developer after his wife wasn't pleased with the "attic-like" ceilings. (As part of a settlement, Valvilov agreed to purchase just one of the two apartments, and he's since gone into contract to sell it.) Hopefully, Vavilov's wife is happier with her husband's latest acquisition. The full-floor, five-bedroom penthouse on the 78th floor encompasses 8,300 square feet and comes with 14-foot ceilings. [NYT]

Ruth Madoff—loyal, pampered, tight-lipped wife of the single worst financial criminal in American history—seems to be unpopular. But why?? Is it feminist backlash? Anti-feminist backlash? Or, uh, something else? Poll and analysis below!

Ross Douthat, the New York Times op-ed conservative who does a better job of pretending to be reasonable than Bill Kristol did, is kind of sad about this Palin thing. Because it means the death of the American Dream.

Plenty of familiar faces were in the stands at Wimbledon over the weekend, including Justin Timberlake, Ben Stiller, Kate Winslet, Scarlett Johansson, and even Henry Kissinger, who "appeared to have trouble staying awake" at yesterday's men's final pitting Andy Roddick against Roger Federer. The most awkward juxtaposition in the crowd: Ralph Lauren, who was seated next to Woody Allen and his wife Soon-Yi, and directly in front of Russell Crowe. According to British press accounts, Allen looked "grumpy" sitting in the stands wearing a "flowerpot hat." Lauren and Crowe didn't look all too happy either, although that may have been because they were forced to sit next to a man wearing a "flowerpot hat." [The First Post, AP]

We have a tie! For now. The actuals will come out soon and one film will beat the other. But now! Ambivalence or equality or peace or something. How perfect, as we stand in the smoky ashes of Freedom's birthday.