Americans, who fancy themselves sophisticated nutrition experts even as they consume a diet increasingly made up of petroleum byproducts, are no longer content to drink just any swill. They now prefer to drink swill that is worse than the previous swill of choice.

Police in Germany reportedly discovered documents indicating that Andreas Lubitz—the co-pilot of the Germanwings plane believed to have been intentionally crashed, killing 150 people—may have been hiding a medical condition from his employers. Investigators also claim to have found a torn up doctor's note excusing him from work.

After three decades in Congress, Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid announced today he won't be seeking re-election next year. Reid told the New York Times that he's been contemplating retiring "for months," and that his decision was not motivated by injuries sustained in a bizarre exercise accident earlier this year.

An Oregon woman who had at least two children with her biological father was found guilty of felony incest and sentenced to jail this week, even though the pair reportedly had a consensual relationship.

In the middle of this surreal Chicago road rage video, the crazed Audi driver reportedly recognized a former co-worker watching from the sidewalk: "He said, 'Hey, Eric.' He stopped right in front of our door and said, 'If you tell anybody, I'll kill you.'"

Secret Service agents: not the only government men letting it all hang loose in Colombia. Turns out their DEA brothers from another budget also have a penchant for flying south for a little DCP&P (drug cartel parties and prostitutes).

Indiana's governor just declared a public health emergency after at least 80 new cases of HIV were reported in a county that typically sees around five new cases each year.

An Atlanta-area Uber driver says a belligerent passenger hit him in the face, used racial slurs, and told him to "go back to slavery," all because the driver asked the man to get out of his car. The driver later discovered his angry fare was a business lecturer at Kennesaw State University.

A building in Manhattan's East Village has reportedly collapsed following a large explosion. Hundreds of fire firefighters are reportedly at the scene, battling what's become a seven-alarm blaze. The New York Post is reporting that as many as 30 people are missing while the New York Daily News reports that at least six people—including two firefighters—have been injured, one critically.

The Washington Post reported this morning that, pursuant to CIA Director John Brennan's vaunted re-organization plans, the chief of the agency's counterterrorism center has been unceremoniously reassigned. The newspaper declined to report this name, however: Michael D'Andrea.

On Tuesday, Germanwings Flight 9525 crashed into the French Alps under mysterious circumstances, killing all 150 people on board. Two days later, French prosecutors announced that the plane had been "intentionally destroyed" by its co-pilot. Audio from the cockpit captured the sounds of passengers' screams just before the moment of impact, suggesting, perhaps, that they were unaware of their imminent collision until the final seconds.

A museum dedicated to preserving the history of Italian-Americans in New York City has decided to evict one of the few remaining descendants of Italian immigrants living in Little Italy, the New York Times reports.

From July 15th to September 15th, over a thousand armed American soldiers will maneuver through the Southwest United States as part of a vast operation with a single motto: "Master the Human Domain." Internet conspiracy theorists wait their whole lives for a moment this rich.

What's this?! Cate Blanchett—professional actress, queen, always so composed—totally lost her cool, dropped the F-bomb, and cut off a painfully awkward interview while doing press for Cinderella?! Shut up!

The daughter of NYC mayor Bill de Blasio, 20-year-old Chiara, is now the face of a New York City campaign to alleviate teen depression, DNAinfo reports. Chiara was outspoken about her struggles with depression and substance abuse during her father's campaign for mayor in 2013.

Suzanne Duarte, grinning like a maniac in her mugshot, and was still smiling the next day when a local news station interviewed her in jail. And why not? She'd just set fire to a yoga studio. This is the face of a lady living her best life.

Saudi Arabia is bombing Yemen, which is sliding into civil war, and that is driving up the price of oil. Finally! We pray that in these uncertain times, our leaders—before they pursue the path of war—think of the oil traders, and pursue the path of war.

Chelsea Handler says the dozens of sexual assault accusations against Bill Cosby don't surprise her, because she herself was nearly "Cosbied" a decade ago. She told Esquire the close call happened one afternoon at an Atlantic City hotel, when Cosby tried to arrange a meeting in his room.

Audio from the cockpit voice recorder recovered from Germanwings flight U49525 indicates the co-pilot intended to "destroy the aircraft," said Brice Robin, Public Prosecutor of Marseille, on Thursday.