When Mischa Barton got on the train to Cuckootown we thought she joined the ranks of Britney Spears and Mariah Carey. Not really, because people seemed to actually care about their public descent into madness. Is the celeb meltdown passe?

Things that would otherwise be boring are in fact not boring—and worthy of extended commentary by the New York Times—if they happen in The Hamptons. In The Hamptons, everything is consequential. In The Hamptons, they wear various t-shirts.

If half the rumors about Dennis Kneale are true, the CNBC host has good reason to fear bloggers and curse them on air. So why is he telling people privately that he manufactured his feud with bloggers for buzz?

The city's Conflicts of Interest Board released a big bunch of documents related to the personal finances of various city officials yesterday, a list that included Mayor Michael Bloomberg, City Council Speaker Christine Quinn, Comptroller William Thompson, and Betsy Gotbaum, the city's public advocate.

Is there a way for the old "Teacher Arrested For Sleeping With Student" to combine with the old "Man Solicits Underage Sex on the Internet" to produce a new, stupider crime? On Long Island there is.

Today we have some small casting news about a Full House actor. More news about Tyler Perry. Also some stuff about Denzel Washington. But mostly we're talking about Melrose Place. That's mostly what we're into these days.

Residents of the Garden State woke up this morning to hear that more than three dozen elected officials, religious leaders, and local businessmen had been arrested as part of a federal investigation into corruption and money laundering. And it already sounds like a movie dreamed up by a bunch of Hollywood screenwriters with over-active imaginations. In addition to the politicians accused of playing a role in the scheme—the mayors of Hoboken and Secaucus were both arrested—there's a network of Orthodox rabbis involved, and the money laundering ring is alleged to have trafficked in everything from human organs and fake designer handbags. Congrats, Jersey residents. You really outdid yourselves this time. [AP, WSJ]

Basil Wolverton was a devout Christian, an apocalypse aficionado, and MAD magazine's most prominent creator of 1950s grotesquerie. And—now—a fine artist.

[Katie Holmes filming a movie in Australia; image via INF]

Today we have just two little items, one about a drugged-out actor who decided the best thing to do was pee in a car, and the other about a designer with a nasty mean streak.

Living the hobo life really does save money. The New York Times Co. just announced that they actually made money in the second quarter. Cutting all expenses and selling off everything works! Uh, sort of.

Leighton Meester and Jessica Szohr eating lunch at Cafe Gitane on Mott Street ... Jennifer Lopez shopping at Christian Louboutin on Madison Avenue, and later rehearsing a scene for The Backup Plan at a Gray's Papaya ... Cindy Crawford arriving at JFK ... Alex Rodriguez getting into an SUV ... Tori Spelling leaving Cipriani Downtown ... Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa leaving ABC Studios ... Robert Pattinson walking around downtown .. Chris Cooper filming a scene for Remember Me in Long Island City ... and Joe Jonas shopping with a "female friend" in SoHo.

Amy Sacco's Bungalow 8 has certainly seen better days. But you can expect the club to get a jolt of publicity in the months ahead. Sacco is filming a reality show for Bravo about her efforts to take the faded franchise to Amsterdam as well as open a new "as-yet-unnamed New York club." So what's it going to be like? "It's a reality show, but I don't know if anyone's going to believe my reality," Sacco tells WWD today. "It's going to be funny. It's about what's so awesome about this city, and the great characters I've gotten to know. We've shot with Yvonne Force Villareal, Patrick McMullan and Donna Karan." Just wait until Bravo's marketing department begins to meddle and Bethenny Frankel and Danielle Staub start making regular appearances at the club. [WWD]

• Lorraine Bracco has gone into contract to sell the riverfront cottage in Snedens Landing that she bought with ex-husband Harvey Keitel in 1989 and which has been on the market for a few years now. The buyer? Phish frontman Trey Anastasio, who is reportedly paying around $2 million for the 1,800-square-foot house. [NYP]
• Gerhard Andlinger, the investor who sold his penthouse at the Time Warner Center for $37.5 million earlier this month, is picking up another pricey home. Andlinger is in contract to buy the 20,000-square-foot manse in Greenwich that belongs to Steve Black, the co-CEO of JPMorgan's investment banking division, which had been "quietly" on the market for $19.5 million. [NYP]

Megan Fox turns down the chance to be the next Bond girl, Amy Winehouse goes on trial for assaulting a charity ball dancer, Lily Allen has a new man, Simon Cowell turns 50, and Jessica Szohr and Ed Westwick split.

Two Seymours are celebrating today: Stephanie Seymour is turning 41; Philip Seymour Hoffman is turning 42. Woody Harrelson is 48. Daniel Radcliffe is 20. Don Imus turns 69. Michelle Williams of Destiny's Child is turning 29. Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy turns 73. Local news anchor Kaity Tong is 60. Actress Stephanie March is turning 35. The New Yorker's Hendrik Hertzberg is 66. Estate jeweler Fred Leighton turns 77. LA Times columnist Joel Stein is turning 38. Slash from Guns N' Roses is 44. Marlon Wayans is 37. Interior designer David Kleinberg is 55. Country music star Alison Krauss turns 38. And Ms. Monica Lewinsky celebrates her 36th birthday today.

• How does he find the time? It looks like Jon Gosselin has dumped his girlfriend from five minutes ago and is now focusing his attention on Star reporter Kate Major. (For this week, at least.) In what sounds like the most nausea-inducing meal ever, Gosselin and Major had dinner in the Hamptons last night with Michael Lohan and Jill and Bobby Zarin. [People, Star, Us]
• Rumor has it Gossip Girl's Jessica Szohr and Ed Westwick have split up. [P6]
• Jude Law got into a scuffle with a paparazzo last night. [Sun]
• Mischa Barton's publicist has been busy trying to land the troubled actress the cover of a weekly tabloid. Sadly, there have been no takers so far. [P6]

Well you just knew this was coming! Jon Stewart devoted a Daily Show segment to the Birther movement and its enablers in the media last night, a segment he used to eviscerate them thoroughly and hilariously.

Brace yourselves. For the first time in a long time, there's a bit of good news from the New York Times today! "The New York Times Co. said Thursday its second-quarter profit climbed nearly 85%, bucking predictions of another loss even as its ad revenue plunged." [AP, NYT]

The Observer's Gillian Reagan wrote a piece on how the content is managed on at NYTimes.com. Reagan spoke to the Times executives who manage the paper's website, two guys whose view of the web is, well, interesting.