All the smart/ cowardly politicians bailed on the NYC mayor's race when Mike Bloomberg strongarmed himself back onto the ballot. But there is still a handful of comical challengers to our Mayor-for-life! Below, a guide to the losers.

Fallen publicist Ali Wise is tweeting again. But now things have taken a turn for the worse. Judging by her latest message, she seems to be taking spiritual guidance from Rabbi Yehuda Berg, the director of the cult known as the Kabbalah Centre. But, hey, you never know. Maybe she'll get lucky and her $26 investment will put an end to those "unfriendly stares and unkind glances" she's been getting. It's worth a shot! [Twitter]

Jeff Bezos recently apologized for corporate wrongdoing via his Amazon.com profile, allowing the CEO's customers to quickly investigate what he thinks of his own products. Mostly, he raves. One, however, is total crap, and Bezos thinks you should know.

Under almost any circumstance, it would be highly unfair to compare NYT managing editor for news Jill Abramson's new "Puppy Diaries" column to Joan Didion's masterpiece essay "Slouching Towards Bethlehem." Unless Abramson asks us to.

The best they could do:

In your woozy Tuesday media column: MSNBC pulls in the crazies for airtime, Gallant former journo beats Goofus current journo, NYT family members catch the swine flu, and the LA Times is all fucked up.

• Ben Silverman didn't have much success during his two-year stint at NBC, but that didn't stop him from scoring a super-sweet deal with Barry Diller's IAC. His new venture will reportedly give him $100 million to play with. [NYP]
• Viacom, the media conglomerate controlled by batty billionaire Sumner Redstone, reported that profits plunged 32% in the second quarter. [NYT]
• Struggling McGraw-Hill reports quarterly profits dropped 22.7%. [PC]
• The Daily News and sportswriter Adam Rubin are refuting the claims of Mets management that Rubin tried to get himself a job on the team. [E&P]
• Amanda Hearst has landed a job at Hearst's Marie Claire. It's a miracle! [P6]

Given it's practically impossible to go five minutes without hearing someone talk about Twitter, Americans are probably getting sick and tired of hearing about the "revolutionary" micro-blogging service, right? Not so much. A new survey of 2,025 adults found that 69 percent didn't even know what Twitter was. [LAT]

It's been an incredibly turbulent year for the Manhattan real estate market, to say the least. Are things looking up? Is there more pain still to come? For a little insight, we interrupted a very busy Howard Lorber, the chairman and co-owner of the real estate giant Prudential Douglas Elliman and the chairman of the board of Nathan's Famous. We didn't pester Lorber with any questions about hot dogs, though. Just real estate.

After the Senate Judiciary Committee approves 13-6, Sonia Sotomayor's nomination's headed for a floor vote.

It was an inevitable landmark: A Twitter post has become the sole basis for a libel suit. Amanda Bonnen mentioned her "moldy apartment" to her 20 followers, and now her management company is taking her to court.

The Way We Live Now: Suffering in relativity. Allen Stanford has no air conditioning. Haitian boat people are drowning. Baghdad security guards are getting killed. And back in Queens, we're barely scraping by, workin' in the Yak shop.

A leading goal at the annual BlogHer conference is "economic empowerment" for female bloggers. For some participants, this means ample freebies; for at least one, it meant the chance to shake a company down for free shoes.

Last night, Conan O'Brien staged a dramatic reading of Sarah Palin's farewell speech/mad triumphant soul-cry as read by William Shatner and accompanied by bongos and stand-up bass.

Well here you go. Best Week Ever managed to get their grubby mitts on some images of Mad Men hunky-dory Jon Hamm on a (maybe fake? maybe ad campaign? maybe real? who cares, really) vacation, playing boardgames, smoking, and drinking.

A big wad of cash doesn't just enable you to go shopping. It's also a non-prescription form of Vicodin. According to a new research study, just touching money will make you feel better. "Next time you're hurting, try opening your wallet and counting your cash. Research shows that handling and thinking about money can actually lessen pain and ease the sting brought on by social rejection." And what are you supposed to do if your wallet is empty and you have no cash to fondle? That question wasn't addressed by the researchers. But "fall even further into a bottomless pit of depression" sounds about right. [NYDN, MSNBC]

Last week some patriotic Azle, TX residents caught heat from the liberal media for their "HISPANICS KEEP OUT" sign. On their private property! So intrepid Guanabee journalist Cindy Casares went and interviewed the nacho-loving(!) sign-poster. Cross-cultural lovefest ahead!

You know who is really suffering these days? The investment bankers and corporate lawyers who had been accustomed to getting their action at the office during the boom years, but who have been forced to endure a dramatic downturn in workplace sex now that going to work every day is, well, more work-like:

Actual chewing gum scientists have determined that chewing is good for you! But only the chewing of gum. Non-gum scientists have determined that people chewing too much bacon are breaking our health care system.

In the Loop, Armando Iannucci's new political satire, is getting near across-the-board raves. It's funny and British! What's also funny and British (maybe funnier and Britisher?) is the series on which it's based, The Thick of It. The first episode: