It was apparently impossible for the New York Times' Charles McGrath to hate novelist Nick McDonell, once they met in person. Thankfully, as we are merely stealing from McGrath and not meeting young Nick, we shall not have that problem.

Last Friday we showed you a blurry photo of an underwear-clad white man draped over the Wall Street Bull, dead to the world. Our first guess: Jesus himself (he's not young any more), serving as a powerful metaphor. But no:

Athletics are a sore point of failure for Marissa Mayer; the overachieving Google exec recently placed 7,074th of 7,862 in the Portland marathon and dead last in a ski race. But she and her hunky groom ran a half marathon in San Francisco on July 26, and she's getting better (though not that much better).

• Funny People debuted at No. 1 at the box office this weekend, although it was still the worst opening for an Adam Sandler movie in five years. [Reuters]
• Mort Zuckerman is selling shares of his real estate company to pump $50 million into the Daily News to pay for new printing presses. [WSJ]
• Lou Dobbs has become a PR nightmare for CNN. Presumably the fact that Media Matters is airing an anti-Dobbs commercial won't help matters. [AP, HP]
• Is the peace pact between Olbermann and O'Reilly a sham? [TDB]
• Google CEO Eric Schmidt has resigned from Apple's board of directors. [BN]

Sometimes it really does make sense for a famous brand to change its name. It happened to Uncle Adolf's Old-Tyme KKKandy, and now it's happening to Radio Shack. Too bad the new name is even worse.

Frank Bruni steps down the New York Times' restaurant critic in a couple of weeks, and his memoir, Born Round, debuts on bookstore shelves on August 20. So it was only a matter of time before Bruni finally unmasked himself and showed to the world the face that has been taped to kitchen walls for close to five years now.

Washington establishment queen Sally Quinn knows what happens to black men in America, because once, some black cops spoke out of turn to her, at a Georgetown block party.

Spurred on by his editor, a Washington Post reporter complained over the weekend that we "stole" his profile of a ridiculous "generational guru" when we blogged about it on this site. Our question: where's your outrage at your editors?

Bronzed god Donny Deutsch would like to take Sarah Palin on a date. After the date he would like to bone her, marry her, and rule the nation together from atop a gleaming pile of salmon.

Catherine Mathis, the New York Times Co's chief PR person, is leaving the company. Her next job is bound to be easier. The full staff memo and a slight appreciation, below.

Apple has announced Eric Schmidt is leaving the Cupertino company's board of directors by "mutual" agreement. Apple CEO Steve Jobs cites increasing competition between the two companies; by that standard this should have happened a year and a half ago.

That sure was quick. This morning, the SEC filed suit against Bank of America, accusing it of lying to investors when it announced that newly-acquired Merrill Lynch wouldn't pay out any year-end bonuses. (In fact, Bank of America had already signed off on $5.7 billion in Merrill payouts.) Now the bank has settled the charges—"without admitting or denying the allegations," of course—for a modest $33 million. [NYT]

Steven Rattner is the social-climbing financier who resigned as auto czar because his private equity firm is embroiled in a pay-to-play scandal. Everyone's waiting for shoes to drop, but New York says Rattner's biggest problem is that nobody likes him.

It only took New York Times official reasonable conservative columnist Ross Douthat three months to turn in his first completely dishonest paint-by-numbers Republican hack op-ed. Did you know that red states rule, and blue states drool?

Ruth Madoff's shopping sprees are going to be a lot less exciting from now on. A bankruptcy judge has ruled the wife of imprisoned fraudster Bernie Madoff cannot spend more than $100 on herself without first informing Irving Picard, the trustee liquidating her husband's investment business. On the plus side, this probably means the new JCPenney store in Herald Square just earned itself a new customer, so that's good news, right? [Bloomberg]

There was a time not long ago that the US Army was desperate for any warm bodies with working (for now) limbs. Now they've got plenty of otherwise-unemployable Americans as soldiers, and they need officers. Hello, creative underclass!

Mischa Barton walking her dogs, Charlie and Ziggy, after getting a cut at Sally Hershberger's salon on Friday afternoon ... Kate Hudson looking at puppies with son Ryder at a pet shop in the West Village ... Courtney Love walking in SoHo ... Drew Barrymore and Justin Long hiding under an umbrella on the set of Going the Distance ... Channing Tatum leaving the Waldorf Astoria ... Taylor Momsen walking through the rain to attend the opening of the Sephora in Times Square ... Selena Gomez listening to her iPod outside ... Russell Brand and Jonah Hill shooting scenes for Get Him To The Greek in Central Park ... and Mischa Barton leaving a party at the Cooper Square Hotel last night.

Today in celebrity character assassination: An actress who tried to score some free food with her blinding fame, and an "obnoxious celeb" with an obnoxious nickname.

Reality TV brat PC Peterson is said to have deeply upset his grandfather, financier Pete Peterson, over his obnoxious performance on Bravo's NYC Prep. But just because his grandfather is a billionaire doesn't mean PC was necessarily raised living in the lap of luxury.