There are winners and losers of every sex scandal. Eric "McSteamy" Dane and wife Rebecca Gayheart have lawyered up over their filmed hot-tub adventure, but their hostess Kari Ann Peniche seems to be enjoying all the new attention.

And here's ex-House Majority Leader and known American Criminal Tom Delay promoting his upcoming appearance on ABC's Dancing With the Stars on ABC News program Good Morning America.

CSPAN has assembled an adorable package of the Washington, DC TV pundit gerontocracy trying to come to terms with The Twitter; naturally we've reduced this to only the most embarrassing bits.

Last night we mentioned a creepy auction of the Plato's Retreat-era marble fixtures that adorned Penthouse publisher Bob Guccione's notorious apartment. Here, from the auction house's web site, is a visual taste of how the Gooch lived in his heyday.

When ESPN reporter Erin Andrews was victimized by a peeping sex perv, the New York Post defended her by running the sexxxy perv pictures. ESPN then banned Post reporters from their channel. But the Post is not done sympathizing—sexxxily!

It looks like the subway masturbator who was arrested by the NYPD last week after a woman snapped his pic with her cell phone isn't the only one looking for kicks underground at the expense of innocent straphangers. Because there's a new report of another guy who did precisely the same thing—and just like last time, a woman unlucky enough to watch the action unfold managed to take his photo, which she's since turned over to the police. Hasn't it become abundantly clear by now that illicit subway masturbation really isn't viable any longer thanks to the advent of the camera phone? Guess we'll find out! [1010WINS via Gothamist, previously]

We're hearing from several sources that 5WPR, the PR firm of our friend Ronn [sic] Torossian, was raided by the Labor Department yesterday. Anyone who was there at the time care to share details? Email us. We'll keep you anonymous.

We on the record as being tired of waiting for our own American Bullet Trains, but Amtrak is obviously trying to sabotage potential public support for high-speed rail transit, if this upcoming celebrity appearance is any indication.

Meg Ryan hailing a cab on Houston Street ... Joan Rivers leaving lunch at Michael's with her new boyfriend, Perfect 10 magazine founder Norm Zada ... Whitney Port walking in the West Village ... Agyness Deyn leaving Souen on Sixth Avenue after having lunch with friends ... Taylor Momsen waving to fans on the set of Gossip Girl in Brooklyn ... Courtney Love walking in SoHo ... Sophia Bush and boyfriend Austin Nichols at LaGuardia ... Elle Macpherson leaning on a police car on the set of The Beautiful Life ... Hugh Grant leaving a photo shoot ... Diane Kruger getting out of a limo in Midtown, and later arriving at MTV in Times Square ... Tyra Banks talking on her phone during a break from taping her show in Union Square ... and Mischa Barton taking her dog for a walk .

As promised, Fleshbot has posted an uncensored version of the Eric Dane-Rebecca Gayheart threesome tape.

Some mean person on the internet made a blog saying model Liskula Cohen was a skank, so she took Google to court and got the blog shut down. Now, the skank de grace: the secret name-caller will be revealed.

[Fashion martyr Lady Gaga dons the traditional garb of a hood and wayfarers while on a pilgrimage through the streets of Jerusalem earlier today. Image via Getty]

Cityfile has partnered with Dr. Helen Fisher to bring you the latest insight into love and romantic attraction. A renowned biological anthropologist, Dr. Fisher has conducted extensive research in the fields of human sexuality, love and marriage. She serves as Chief Scientific Advisor for the internet dating site Chemistry.com.

Eric Butler, one of the two former Credit Suisse brokers accused of masterminding a $1 billion securities fraud scheme, was convicted by a federal jury yesterday. (His partner-in-crime, Julian Tzolov, decided to head off to sunny Spain rather than face charges, but has since been caught.) It took jurors just three hours to come down with a verdict for Butler. So quick? "Prosecutors introduced photos of the high-living chums partying in Miami and Europe." Oh, yes, that must have helped. [NYDN, previously]

Aug. 17 @ 5pm Mischa Barton's whining about her computer at the Apple store. Yelled at the nice Mac Genius for something not her fault. I think her mom was with her. [Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com]

Who hasn't fibbed about their age, salary, or penis size, but there is one A-list out there who has made up an entire mythology for her past. Up next, a reality show host who steals ideas. Do tell!

Sheryl Weinstein was pretty broken up when she lost millions to Bernie Madoff, who was also her secret lovahhhhhh. But now she's telling the world all the sexy details of Bernie sexy time, in a book, for satisfaction, and riches.

• Billy Joel is looking for a buyer in Sagaponack. Now that he and wife Katie Lee Joel are splitting up, the singer is planning to sell the two oceanfront properties he bought for her in 2007. The four-bedroom mansion (No. 1) and smaller beach bungalow (No. 2) will be listed with Corcoran's Biana Stepanian for a combined $35 million. [NYP]
• Richard Bressler, the former CFO of Viacom and now a managing director at the private equity firm Thomas H. Lee Partners, went into contract to sell his duplex at 850 Park last month. Now he's picked up a new place. Bressler paid $7.15 million for a four-bedroom condo at 170 East End Avenue. [Cityfile]
• Mariann Florio, the widow of former Condé Nast CEO Steve Florio, has paid $1.65 million for a three-bedroom apartment at 235 East 73rd Street owned by former Bear Stearns exec Leo Tilman. She's still trying to sell her vacation home in Key Largo, Florida, which has been on the market for $8.9 million since last October. [Cityfile]

The Brooke Astor trial started sometime in late 2005, didn't it? Or does it just feel like it's been going on forever? The Times reports today that the society trial, which was supposed to take 8-10 weeks, is now grinding into its fourth month and probably won't conclude until after Labor Day, primarily because prosecutors seem intent on calling to the witness stand every person on the planet who encountered Brooke Astor during the last few years of her life. The lengthy proceedings haven't been easy on the man accused of bilking his mom, Anthony Marshall. Not only has the stress of the trial caused him to collapse every other day or so, his defense is costing him about $100,000 a week. The jurors, however, seem to have adjusted just fine: "Members have taken to rolling their eyes when a lawyer draws out his line of questioning, napped during the dullest testimony or chewed sunflower seeds to pass the time." [NYT]

Leighton Meester acts obnoxiously in a fancy Hamptons restaurant, Bernie Madoff boned his secretaries, Shania Twain is an Idol judge, NeNe was a stripper, Erin Andrews gets dirty for GQ, Madonna turns 51, and Sean Penn's marriage is officially over.