President Barack Obama recorded a celebratory message to Muslims all over for the beginning of Ramadan, the month in which Muslims believe the Koran was revealed to the prophet Mohammad. There are people who will find this terrifyingly worrisome.

Lindsay Lohan's house may have been broken into, live! Katie Holmes inspired creepy Scientology fashion lines. Charles Dickens was a ladies' man's momma's boy. Jeremy Piven: alive. Bill Clinton: bedbugged. Anna Paquin: nekkid. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Ah, yes: always good for laughs is someone getting tazed and then spontaneously combusting into flames. Okay, maybe not hysterical, but Fox News anchors still can't not giggle at the guy's mugshot, and then, make a joke about keyboard cleaner.

Remember music videos being important, and good? Neither does anybody I know, because our memory's been wiped by MTV and VH1's current slate of programming. And then there's this beautiful, fan-made music video of indie band Grizzly Bear's "Two Weeks."

President Obama used his weekly YouTube address to talk about the debate on health care, naturally. This time, however, he set out to take down some of the more ridiculous things circulated by opponents of reform, calling them "outrageous myths."

Cocaine's a hell of a drug. It's the only one you blow money on, when it gets bad, blow for, and (funnest of all), blow with money. But can the government track your use on bills? Cops, man, cops! AGH!

Gawker Paycheck Journalism: doing our part to bring more money into circulation, or something. Because even the darkest cloud has a silver lining, every sex tape leak has an upside to it. In this case: product placement for Big eTobacco.

This may be one of my favorite gossip items, ev-ar: Lindsay Lohan ended up having to call cops to get her BlackBerry back from a bodega in Little Italy, reports the Daily News today. Where? Who? What? Why? How?

South Street Seaport, one of New York's veritable tourist traps/teen tour stops, had itself a fatal shooting last night when a wild melee broke out on a party boat. Is New York gritty again, again? [NY Post, image via Getty.]

Remember Damon Weaver? The young envy of D.C.'s press, who's now Barack Obama's homeboy, was interviewed by MSNBC. They learn that he'd rather be on CNN, and how he wants to interview Michael Vick. They then shame him! His response?

While you were sleeping, America: the CIA performed "mock executions" on torture detainees! You know, to scare them! Mr. Torture Beat 2009, Newsweek's Michael Isikoff, reported the CIA's upcoming release of "long-suppressed" reports detailing instances. How bad are we talking?

Jon Gosselin's gambling at Foxwoods, but it's Robert Pattinson who can't lose. Stephenie Meyer's getting sued, because she's no Astronaut Mya or, uh, Billy Bush. Or Hayden Panettiere's 'Pink Taco' sharing Harry Morton. Visionaries! Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup!

Yes, Steve Jobs is that evil. Silicon Valley spent the past month convincing itself AT&T just absolutely had to be responsible for kicking the useful Google Voice application off the iPhone App store. Whoops, it was Dear Leader.

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[Frenchman Sylvain "Gunther Love" Quimene rocks some killer pants while winning the Air Guitar World Championships today in Oulu, Finland. Image via Getty]

Well, it wasn't really a sex tape, per se, but it was sexy. People seemed to be interested in it! Let's look back at the stories everyone was talking about during the week that Kari Ann Peniche's career began and ended.

The Bravo honcho played god with our emotions last night on his masturbatory talk show when he told the Republican babydaddy not to do porn. Wasn't it just last week that you told him to get nude to begin with?

The Kreepie Kats have an emotional and educational Town Hall experience, which prompts them to reflect on how they prefer to die (gay and high, or miserable and alone). Klick through for video.

Goldman Sachs is in the process of selling the Dow Jones Industrial Average on behalf of News Corporation, John Carney at Business Insider reports. But is it really worth much?

• Rising star Nate Appleman will be moving from SF to NYC to take up the helm at Pulino's, the Keith McNally pizzeria slated to open in December. [GS]
• Chef Laurent Tourondel is hoping to take his BLT franchise to the new W Hotel and Residences in the financial district. [Eater]
• The Parks Dep't was supposed to pick a winning bid to operate Tavern on the Green last month. It didn't, and now the bidders are getting antsy. [NYO]
• Julian Medina, the owner of Yerba Buena and Toloache, is expanding: Yerba Buena Perry will open in the West Village next Wednesday. [GS]
• The restaurant Joseph Leonard only opened a few weeks ago, but it's already been rammed by a car. Fortunately, the damage was minimal. [VV]
• A few restaurant closings around town in recent days. [Eater]
• The city is facing off against "a small flotilla" of hot dog carts outside the Met; the vendors claim they can be there because they're disabled veterans. [NYT]
• Starbucks is either raising its prices or lowering them. It's hard to say, really.