Q: What do the New York Times, hardcore porn sites, and bit torrent bootleg sites have in common? A: Malware!

Sep. 13th, 4:30 PM: "Jack Black, spotted with giant axe." Well, yes. [Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com]

For all of you BlackBerry owners who are addicted to BrickBreaker, there's now an entire Styles Section article devoted to your stupid, primitive, ridiculous hobby. Please pay attention to the world. Now, I have to go: DoodleJump beckons. [NYT]

Okay, it's silly. Lady Gaga probably doesn't have a penis. But maybe she does. And now, there are rumblings that Lady Gaga has something incredible in store for tonight's VMAs. Let's go over this one more time. Update! Well...

Gawker Weekend's Wedding Maven, Phyllis Nefler, please, tell us: will we have to wait until we're old and wrinkly to find matrimonial bliss? The NYT's Nilla Section Weddings & Celebrations seems to think so. Depends, off, biological clocks, on.

Remember those charming self-help Chicken Soup for the Soul books that went from bestselling lists to greeting card stores to the bargain bin? They can also be filed in the "Impetus For Irreversible Psychological Damage" section as well!

Megan Fox was being cute by calling Michael Bay a "Nazi" regarding the Transformers 2 shoot. Some Michael Bay crew members wrote a letter about Awful Megan Fox on Michael Bay's site, which has since been censored. Just awesome.

Well, that was quick.

RobPatz and Frowny Face ain't going nowhere. Jude Law kept his dick to himself for a night. John Travolta would rather not do your movie publicity. VH1's toning it down. Britney Spears: casting villain. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

As of today, it's been a year since David Foster Wallace died. Wallace was an important author and teacher; incidentally, the first movie adapted from his work is about to come out. n+1—yes, that n+1—has a nice remembrance.

Wow. We knew VICE sold out and went corporate, but this is some Conde Nast-y shit. Looks like Vice holds writers to non-competes, barring them from having anything to do with departed VICE founder Gavin McInnes' site, Street Carnage.

Giving new meaning to the expression "pissing rain," astronauts who haven't been able to land due to bad weather ended up dumping a large amount of waste from the International Space Station, which left a light trail. [SPACE.com]

As you may or may not have heard, Glenn Beck and others came out in full force to protest our government's handling of health care, arguing against "the over-expansion of the federal government." Naturally, the crazies came out, too.

France Telecom, France's largest telecommunications provider, saw 23 employee suicides since the beginning of 2008. Unions blame FT's efficiency efforts, management faults employees' personal issues. Now, the French labor minister's meeting with FT's president. Workforce deaths: they happen. [BBC].

Keith McNally—proprietor of media commissary Balthazar—also owns New York's restaurant of the moment, Minetta Tavern. It's an elusive reservation, because the place is packed with celebrities. But what happens when Gawker Alumnus Jesse Oxfeld tries to get in?

Heard of a film called Sorority Row? No? It's a lame teen horror flick starring nobody of note but Rumer Willis and Audrina Patridge. But pathological teenage stalkettes have, because it's got the new Twilight: New Moon trailer preceding it.

Big Trouble in West L.A: Ten Andy Warhol paintings depicting athletes were cat burgled from the house of rich L.A. businessman and art collector Richard Weisman. Involved are a housekeeper/nanny, an anonymous $1M reward, and 70s model Cheryl Tiegs. What?

Rumors! They swirl. And one of them recently hit the ground running: that Casey Wilson was fired from Saturday Night Live for being fat. Strange: Wilson's not that fat. Also, some of SNL's best have been overweight. So, Wilson speaks:

Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly didn't get tickets to last night's big Jay-Z show. So they decided to sit around and talk about how upset they were that they couldn't go. Thankfully, Beck didn't cry, but he did get huffy!

Tila Tequila's crazy domestic abuse squabble: drank and puked out by the D.A., while Anna Wintour gets stalked by teenage crazies. Mischa Barton channels Marissa Cooper. Mayor Bloomberg might know about Lady Gaga's peener. Presenting: your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup.