This week: hookers, chickens, Kanye, race, and murder.

[A giant ceramic chess set is unveiled on a gray day today in London's Trafalgar Square to celebrate the start of the city's design festival. Image via Getty]

That's because Mad Men and 30 Rock will take the big prizes. For the second year in a row, shows we actually like are poised to take home the gold. Neil Patrick Harris is hosting too!

We mentioned this yesterday, but now we've got the video: A woman announced at a Texas Education Agency hearing yesterday that she is a 56-year-old virgin. She thought she was testifying at a hearing about sex education. She wasn't.

Theirs was a lover's quarrel, startup style. But now Hollywood tech barker Jason Calacanis has kissed and made up with his Silicon Valley conference partner Mike Arrington. And in true Valley fashion, the couple is pretending nothing happened.

If "Keep Fucking that Chicken" is the new "Don't Taze Me Bro" then this song is the new Bedroom Theme to Top Gun. Please enjoy stickers on popsicle sticks dancing in their own semen.

Irving Kristol, the godfather of Neoconservatism, is dead at 89. We have him to thank for Reaganomics, the Bush Doctrine, and Bill Kristol.

Ha, some fine individual has taken the time to obsessively write a Twitter feed called "Bad Taglines," which is nothing but smart-ass slogans for various companies. They're kind of dumb. But funny dumb. Let's just show you some, okay? Sure.

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Gavin Newsom, the heavily-lacquered lefty-sun-God mayor of San Francisco, has the most progressive technological track record of any California gubernatorial candidate, now that he's live-tweeting the birth of his first child. San Francisco-based Twitter Inc. must be so proud.

[Even hair, makeup, and a scared dog can't help Oprah Winfrey look pretty in pink while doing her show live from Central Park today. Image via Getty]

How does an obnoxiously over-the-top kid on digital helium land a feature film deal, as Fred has done, according to a casting call obtained by TubeFilter? By having the most, or now second-most, followers of anyone on Google's video site. And by playing perfectly to Hollywood's fantasy that the branded serials its traditional TV studios specialize in can be profitably replicated online: Fred, you see, earns a reported six figures off this cheaply-produced stuff.

Did you know that God wanted her to be Miss Universe but then I guess God changed his mind and made her a martyr to political correctness instead, or something? It's true! But don't worry: "even though I didn't win the crown that night, I know that the Lord has so much of a bigger crown in Heaven for me." That's right: she is going to die and become Jesus.

• Payard Patisserie & Bistro was forced to close its doors back in July. Now François Payard has filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy protection. [Crain's]
• SushiSamba won't be taking over the old Mercato 55 space in the meatpacking district. Rumor has it the owners of Bagatelle will. [GS]
• A Q&A with Eugene Remm and Mark Birnbaum, the duo who just opened Abe & Arthur's and Simyone Lounge for private parties in what was once Lotus. [W]
• Eater's list of the top 10 most wanted reservations in the city. [Eater]
• A report from the opening of Ed's Chowder House last night. [TFB]
• A few food-related events around town this weekend. [Zagat]

What do you get when you combine Susan Sarandon, Alan Cumming, Judah Friedlander from 30 Rock, and a scantily-clad female Asian table tennis player? An opening party for one of New York's newest private clubs, obviously. This awesomely random grouping turned out last night for the opening of SPiN New York, a new Ping-Pong social club on 23rd Street and Park Avenue, and in which Sarandon is an investor. The space holds 17 Ping-Pong tables (two are in a private room) and has Olympic-quality cushioned flooring, special "player-friendly" lighting, and of course, a full bar. Does it get any better?

My hometown paper, eulogizing a beach bum bar that closed after six decades: "Haney wrote a touching obituary to Pomars, observing that 'nobody looked at you funny if you had a beer with your breakfast.'" Well, okay. [Pic via]

• Rumor has it Condé Nast isn't going to shutter several of its money-losing magazines like Details and Teen Vogue, after all. But the budget review that's taken place in recent weeks seems to have "scared fiscal responsibility into some of the highest-rolling titles at the glitzy empire." This means Graydon Carter won't be making it to London or Milan Fashion Week, sadly. [NYP]
• Irving Kristol, the godfather of neo-conservatism, is dead at 89. [AP]
• Oprah has picked the next big best-seller. The latest pick for her book club is a set of short stories by Uwem Akpa called Say You're One of Them. [NYDN]
• After a 72-year run, Guiding Light's final episode aired today. [Reuters]
• CNBC has canceled Dennis Kneale's 8pm show on the network. [NYO]
• The Emmy Awards take place this Sunday. Who's going to win? If you watched last year's telecast, you may already have the answers. [WP]

Steve Jobs and Apple famously dissembled about the CEO's health, until Jobs took a six-month medical leave. And what did Jobs do on his return? Issued a controversial statement about Google that the search company has now flatly contradicted.

Anna Wintour spent seven days during Fashion Week cruising around New York with her trademark hair and glasses. But she was also sporting the hot new accessory for spring: a smile. What is making Anna so God-damned happy?

Oh, look, Jenna "Jenna Bush" Hager is on a morning television show, performing "journalism," for Americans. Finally!