People are already predicting the results of the McSteamy Lawsuit. I'm taking bets.

If you expect the results of that headline to be anything but spectacular, stop reading, click past the jump now. Anna Paquin's doggy ring, Khloe Kardashian, Neve Campbell, Snoop Dogg, BBC sitcoms. Presenting your ridiculous Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Here's an extraordinary video of eBay CEO John Donahoe bragging about how the company has sidelined what was once a core competency: Online auctions. Why solve a hard business problem when you can run away from it?

Martha Stewart decided the co-founder of Twitter was a woman, Ralph Macchio decided his fans are probably insane and Cody Brown decided to just start publicly eating four pounds of ice cream. The Twitterati weren't so neighborly with their neighbors.

[This artful gentlemen attracts plenty of onlookers while parading around during the international London Tattoo Convention, which started today. Image via Getty]

Last night I ventured all the way out to Newark, New Jersey to catch the live version of So You Think You Can Dance. It is simultaneously worse than you would expect and more awesome than you could hope for.

Newsweek's Johnnie L. Roberts reports that Ebony, which was founded with a $500 loan in 1942, is in "big, big trouble" and shopping itself to Time Warner and Viacom.

And, for your Friday amusement, the debut of the hit single "Aloof?" by Stewart featuring the guy from Kreepie Kats

A dramatic reading of Peggy Noonan's Harvard syllabus: Let us listen, and, in listening, laugh.

We're in a bit of a cranky mood looking over this weekend's releases. A lot of heat but not much light, is the vibe we're getting. Actually maybe not that much heat either. But hey, Sorority Row is still playing.

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[Via Talking Points Memo.]

The mayor faced questions from reporters today about his decision to take a helicopter to the U2 concert at the Meadowlands last night (he wanted to "say hello" to his "friend" Bono), since he's been busy pushing environmental awareness the past couple of days. His response: "I suppose you could say that, but you know, there's other ways to get around and there are different ways of—some are more energy efficient. I could have walked and swum across the rivers as well. That would have used less." [NYT]

If you see Mischa Barton on the street this weekend and she looks a little worse for the wear, and you strongly suspect her "toothache" has returned, go easy on her. The job that brought her to NYC last month—the CW show The Beautiful Life—was canceled today after just two episodes, making it the first victim of the fall television season. Like 10 percent of America, she's now unemployed. But she'll get by somehow, we imagine. [LA Times]

Here's Barack and Michelle Obama with Spanish Prime Minister José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero and his family. The State Department uploaded it to Flickr. (What an unlikely sentence!) Whoops—no one in Spain has ever seen Zapatero's Goth daughters before!

[All eyes are on human Muppet Donatella Versace as she greets the crowd at her fashion show in Milan last night. Image via Getty]

Iran's been amping up its nuclear program at a secret facility, which the U.S. knew about but wasn't saying anything until now. Which makes it awfully unfortunate for Newsweek, which reported "exclusively" last week that Iran's nuke program was dormant.

Seriously, we cannot actually imagine watching this and cheering on the shrieking old white man. Even if we agreed that ACORN was a terrible criminal organization bent on helping all the prostitutes in the world fill out their taxes while registering illegal immigrant cartoon characters to vote, we would still be incredibly uncomfortable watching Tim Jones scream at a couple fucking kids (one of whom he definitely calls "boy" in his charming Boston accent) and their mother.

The revenues of Jason Fried's scrappy Chicago startup are estimated at maybe $10 million annually. Twitter, meanwhile, is about to deposit ten times that in its already-stuffed bank account. Which helps explain why Fried's sniping has reached mocking extremes.

• More on the financial difficulty facing Harvey and Bob Weinstein: The studio has blown through $1.2 billion to date and now needs to come up with another $50 million. Or magically produce a string of hits at the box office. [WSJ, LAT]
• Despite rumors to the contrary, Condé Nast may shut down several of its magazines as part of its latest—and steepest—round of budget cuts. [WWD]
• Ebony magazine is struggling and now hunting for a buyer. [Newsweek]
• NBC is "under assault from all sides," opines Jon Friedman. [Marketwatch]
• A series of cast changes are planned for the various Law & Orders. [THR]
• Is the new TV season really buzzy, or it just the Twitter effect? [NYT]
• Warner Music will be putting its music videos back on YouTube. [AdAge]
• Holly Madison of E!'s Girls Next Door is getting her own reality show. And socialite Tinsley Mortimer's CW show is moving ahead. [NYDN, THR]
• Jerry Seinfeld's new reality show is casting neurotic couples in Brooklyn. [DI]
• Jenna Bush's new Today show gig is pretty cushy, apparently. [Page2Live]