We take our eye off the Detroit News for a few days and what happens? Former NYT movie critic and amateur cigar smuggler Elvis Mitchell is found to owe the IRS half a million bucks. Slow down, Elvis!

Kate Winslet walking in the meatpacking district with her son ... Donna Karan eating lunch outside with a friend in SoHo ... Jon Stewart walking with his wife and son in Tribeca ... Mischa Barton running errands with her dog ... Brad Pitt with son Maddox catching a flight at JFK ... Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg shooting scenes for The Other Guys in Chinatown ... Gerard Butler walking downtown ... David Byrne riding his bike near the West Side Highway ... Model Kara Young walking home from the gym in the West Village ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving the Serge Normant Hair Salon in the meatpacking district, and later arriving at Barbra Streisand's performance at the Village Vanguard ... Clive Owen walking with a friend in SoHo ... and Jay-Z leaving dinner with a bunch of bodyguards.

Weep, struggling members of the creative underclass, for your secret aspirations are drawing to a close: this may be the very last month of Conde Nast, Luxury Version. Coming soon: Conde Nast, Wailing Version.

The only thing more annoying that people who self-righteously claim they don't owe a TV are people who lie about it, like this actress. Also annoying are a philandering actor and a naked reality star. Annoying because they're so typical.

Irving Picard has the thankless job of divvying up the remaining crumbs of Bernie Madoff's empire among the Madoff victims. But Irving Picard is going to be much more popular now that he's finally suing Madoff's family, for everything.

• Hedge funder John Griffin and his wife Amy, who paid $32.25 million for a full-floor apartment at 1030 Fifth Avenue last year, are selling their old apartment in the same building. Now that they've finished renovations on the new spread, the couple has quietly put their 8th-floor apartment on the market with Serena Boardman for $16.5 million. [NYT]
• The townhouse at 11 East 82nd Street that was purchased by Ron Perelman as a home for one of his executives back in 1996 and was later acquired by private investor Keith Gollust, has gone into contract after more than a year and a half on the market. The limestone mansion was most recently priced at $29.5 million. [Cityfile, Sotheby's]
• Tokyo-born filmmaker Keiko Ibi is switching things up at 15 CPW. Back in July, she put her one-bedroom condo on the market for $3.75 million. Now she's partnered with her 7th floor neighbors, Young-oh and Byungwha Yoon, and they've listed their two apartments together for a combined $10.285 million. Corcoran's Carrie Chiang has the listing. [Cityfile, Corcoran]

The Madoff show goes on. In an interview that aired on last night's 60 Minutes, court-appointed trustee Irving Picard said he plans to file a civil suit against Bernie sons, Mark and Andy, this week which will seek the return of $198 million. And just so no one in the immediate family feels left out, he'll be suing Bernie's brother Peter and niece Shana, too. [Dealbook]

Naomi Watts turns 41 today. Billionaire hedge fund founder Paul Tudor Jones is turning 55. Teen queen Hilary Duff is turning 22. Glenn Lowry, the director of the Museum of Modern Art, is 55. Mira Sorvino is 42. Janeane Garofalo is turning 45. Dita Von Teese is 37. Director John Sayles is 59. Bam Margera is turning 30. Artist David Salle is 57. And the legendary Brigitte Bardot turns 75 today.

• The Kardashian girls continue to rake it in. Khloe Kardashian tied the knot with LA Laker Lamar Odom last night at a ceremony and reception was paid for by E!. (The event will be featured on an upcoming episode of E!'s Keeping Up With the Kardashians.) She may collect $250,000 more by selling photos of the nuptials. [People, TMZ, P6]
• After spending three decades as a fugitive on charges he raped a 13-year-old in 1978, famed director Roman Polanski was arrested in Switzerland on Saturday while on his way to attend the Zurich Film Festival. [NYDN, ABC]
• One of Saturday Night Live's brand new cast members, Jenny Slate, dropped an F-bomb on the show. [YouTube, NYDN]

Gossip types are absolutely atwitter over the news that Weeds star Mary-Louise Parker has a new boyfriend, singer Charlie Mars. But not everyone's celebrating. In an email entitled "Cougar Goes Too Far," one irate tipster claims Parker's a man-stealing tart.

Pam Anderson's back to her roots. Bethenny Frankel's venturing out on her own. And Jeremy London actually got some press. But it's not good. Happy Monday! Here's your gossip roundup.

A Rabbi says atoning on Twitter and Facebook doesn't work for Yom Kippur. God agrees.

So, Michael Moore has been making the media rounds to promote his latest project, Capitalism: A Love Story. The film, we're sure, will be enlightening, but, as happens with all things Moore, may be overshadowed by the man himself.

Model soap The Beautiful Life, which starred Mischa Barton, was canceled because it totally blew.

We all know that texting while driving kills the world, but that means nothing to truckers: they're fighting prohibitive legislation because it will cost them money to pull over and check on-board computers. And because they like being fringe. [NYT]

Two things are of utmost importance when playing international politics: timing and media manipulation. Crazy old Iran proves adept at both.

Oh, look. Two hot trends — reality show contestant accused of murder and insane self-styled preacher — have now come together to bring us Brian Lee Randone, who's accused of torturing and then killing a porn star.

Sheesh! It's like the 90s all over again. First we have a controversy over the Oklahoma City bombing and now Bill Clinton's talking about a "vast right-wing conspiracy" aimed at Obama. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything at all.

We joke about scary villains in media. I wish I could joke about Peter Braunstein, the Woman's Wear Daily writer who raped and tortured a woman for 13 hours in 2005. The NYDN interviewed him. How far has he come?

Not satisfied to participate in wacky 9/11 conspiracies, Salt Lake City-based lawyer Jesse Trentadue has decided to rehash the real ground zero for the war on terror: Oklahoma City, where video tapes of nothing mean something's awry. This changes everything!