An age-old questions asks: If you could go back in time and kill baby Hitler, would you? Thanks to a slew of new Hitler-casual photos coming out next month, we can finally answer with a resounding yes. Talk about a crime against fashion!

This is a segment from a Japanese erotic variety show hosted by actor/comedian Yoshimi Tokui, challenging male contestants to make it through a karaoke while being manually stimulated by beautiful, professional women. Meanwhile, the hosts are in the studio laughing at them, and onscreen captions indicate when they’ve “finished.”

A new poll indicates that support among Bostonians for the idea of hosting the 2024 Summer Olympics has risen—all the way up to 40%! You can almost see the Olympic spirit dripping from the orifices of two in five Bostonians! With this level of passion, the games are a lock.

Teens making their entry into (or continuing their nascent exploration of) the world of pill-popping after having their wisdom teeth extracted are collectively a gift that keeps on giving. And what they are giving exactly are self-taken videos of them babbling, crying, singing, pissing off their parents, fucking with office equipment, and singing Ed Sheeran.

Just last year, Ben Bernanke was still serving as the head of the Federal Reserve—the most powerful central banking position in the world. Now, he's going to work for a hedge fund. Is it possible—just possible—that we have a systemic problem?

According to a report in the New York Times, a grand jury is considering evidence for potential corruption charges against Dean Skelos—the Republican leader of the New York State Senate—and his son Adam.

According to the Tulsa World, police supervisors were instructed to falsify training records for the Tulsa reserve deputy who killed a man earlier this month when he accidentally fired his gun instead of a taser.

Forget ISIS and teens—the greatest threat facing our everyday lives are bedbugs.

Cops say a respected Long Island cardiologist tried to set fire to a rival's office and offered undercover officers prescription pills, weapons and cash to finish the job.

Sadly, it seems that the rumors of a Wu-Tang gang bang floated last week on Divorce Court were greatly exaggerated.

You wouldn’t want “abcde” to be the password standing between a hacker and your computer, and you don’t even do anything important on your computer. So why was it ever all right for hardware that facilitates American democracy to be so stupidly vulnerable?

Check out these squeaky guys.

An Eastern gray whale named Varvara (Russian for Barbara) went for a long swim (14,000 miles, from the east coast of Russia to Mexico and back, nice) and now is apparently helping scientists with a breakthrough finding on her species.

Police found a dead homeless man sitting in a Manhattan-bound L train around 2 a.m. this morning at the Lorimer St.-Metropolitan Ave. stop.

A Florida mailman was arrested this afternoon after he landed his gyrocopter on a grassy area in front of the U.S. Capitol. The man, identified as Doug Hughes, reportedly wanted to draw attention to campaign finance reform, specifically the Supreme Court's 2010 decision to strike down limits on campaign donations from corporations, by delivering a letter to Congress.

Did you knock over Hillary Clinton's dad's tombstone, you Scranton shit?

Across America, there is a significant political movement to restrict access to food stamps and other government aid programs for the poor. Earlier this week, we asked those of you who receive public assistance to send us your stories. The results have been overwhelming.

Cuba will officially be removed from the US list of nations that sponsor terrorism, meaning that Americans will soon be able to use credit cards in Cuba, go to a real U.S. embassy in Havana, and gradually make the whole place unbearable with our overwhelming presence , as is our way.

Kenneth Crowder, 41, was arrested by police in Melbourne, Fla. last week after his flakka high led him on a misbegotten, naked journey through a residential neighborhood, a reported brawl with a police officer, and an alleged "sexual act on a tree."

Lord Nelson, a horse who was also a Rutgers professor and a former cop, died Sunday. He was 42.