The Way We Live Now: Tip-top! "Wall Street on Track to Award Record Pay." Meanwhile, we're cutting the pay of non-Wall Streeters in half, and lowering the minimum wage. The rational market at work!

[Not to be outdone by Gibson, Bill Murray caps off a career working with gophers and groundhogs by unveiling this fierce-looking Badger at the Fantastic Mr. Fox press conference today in London. Image via Getty]

• The Condé Nast job cuts have made their way to Anna's domain on the 12th floor of 4 Times Square: Vogue laid off six staffers today. [AllThingsD]
• More bad news for Condé: some advertisers are reportedly "jumping ship" after the recent shake-up at Brides. On the plus side, The New Yorker appears to be hiring, so you can take that as good news if you'd like. [NYP, NYO]
• Remember how the New York Times Co. was planning to sell the Boston Globe? Yea, well, NYT publisher Artie Sulz has changed his mind. [AP, BG]
• Mike Bloomberg totally approves of Bloomberg LP's decision to buy BusinessWeek. Translation: The mayor backs the decisions he, himself, makes even if he contends that he wasn't actually responsible for making them. [NYT]
• Is Bloomberg LP's acquisition of BusinessWeek part of a big, new plan to compete with the Wall Street Journal and Dow Jones? Sure seems like it. [NYT]
• Meanwhile, WSJ staffers gathered today to toast the news that the Journal has surpassed USA Today as the top-selling paper in the U.S. [Politico, E&P]
• CBS News is now "investigating" the David Letterman saga (and his employer CBS!) as part of a future story. That must be a bit awkward, huh? [NYO]

Running late? No time to brew a pot of coffee? Combat the fear, irritation, and depression engendered by this scenario by getting your coffee fix with Starbucks VIA™ .

Jessica Simpson says she's open to the idea of online dating. [People]

Did you know that in KISS's epic career, they've never had an album reach the No. 1 on the Billboard chart? After they released their record last week, that final prize seemed at hand. Then Oprah ruined everything.

A letter from the Hipster Grifter's cellmate in her Utah jail. Would that be too much, in terms of "Wringing every last ounce from this mystifyingly popular story?" What about a Kari Ferrell pornography job offer? EH? You want it!

eBay has quantified the layoffs we've been writing about, saying the online auction company's upcoming restructuring will "impact fewer than 60 positions," in the words of a spokesman, with details provided internally within the week.

So much golf racism, these days! Who would ever even think to use the ancient, traditional sport of monied old white dudes for such terrible purposes? First, there was the incredibly confusing golf course swastika.

Though it didn't last long enough to register on any charts, apparently the Dow Jones Index momentarily crossed the 10,000 mark today, according to Bloomberg News, which was well-prepared to celebrate the moment our economic woes ended.

If you're anything like us, you stay up late at night and ask yourself that age-old question: Now that the Olsen twins have outfitted us with clothing, shoes, and jewelry (not to mention quality TV programming), when will they finally take the next step and begin designing overpriced sunglasses? That day will soon be here, ladies and gentlemen. A line of Olsen-approved, "vintage-inspired" eyewear will hit stores this spring and will run $325-$390. Let's just hope the glasses are a huge hit. Because bringing them to you hasn't been easy—and may have even required the poor things to take work home with them: "Designing eyewear was definitely more complicated than we thought," reports Mary-Kate. [NYDN]

Oct. 14 @ 12:55pm Making out with some chick right outside the Council on Foreign Relations. She was pretty, but ordinary girl pretty. Not hot, not his typical slampiece. [Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com]

We received a tips that not only is celebrity chef Todd English sporting a shiner, he's also filing assault charges today against Erica Wang, the bride he left at the altar last weekend. This might ruin her book deal!

Dow closes above 10,000 for 1st time in a year [AP]
U.S. Stocks Rally as Dow Hits 10,000 for First Time in Year [Bloomberg]

In your overstuffed Wednesday media column: a PR man cheers Bloomberg's latest purchase, Calvin Trillin says crotchety things, the New Yorker hires(!) somebody, Brides loses advertisers, and the Washington Post poaches from HuffPo, for a change.

What would it be like to live in a world where you are the only person with a job? Stacie The Bartender gave us a page of her diary so we could live vicariously through her.

Due to an unfortunate TiVo glitch, we couldn't watch The City last night, but thankfully there are plenty of budding social reporters out there who can fill in for us. Here is one promising dispatch.

Bob Dylan's much-anticipated Christmas album is out. And — huzzah — it doesn't sound horrible. Still, you can't help but imagine Dylan as a drunken interloper who stumbled into choir rehearsal at a prim suburban church.

Legendary investment banker Bruce Wasserstein has died, the New York Times and Wall Street Journal are now reporting. The chairman and CEO of Lazard—and the owner of New York magazine—was just 61. [NYT, WSJ]