Rugged personality-possessing newspaperman Charlie LeDuff can typically be found roaming Detroit in search of frozen hobo bodies and colorful raccoon hunters. Today, he has a more serious topic: Enough violence to make you...well, never want to go to Detroit.

Top Chef's Padma Lakshmi essentially auditioned to be on a scripted television show with her appearance on 30 Rock last night. How did she do?

It seems New Yorkers are so broke these days, you can now find ATM machines that dispense cash in $5 increments. [Business Insider]

[Alien princess Daphne Guinness asked to be taken to our leader and they took her to Marc Jacobs, queen of the fashion gays, at the launch party for NARS 15X15 in New York last night. Image via Getty]

Bloomberg, the new owner of Businessweek, is dumping Maria "Contractually Obligated to be called 'Money Honey'" Bartiromo from her gig as a BW columnist, Business Insider reports. That's not the worst decision in the world.

The cat! We mean the cat! Sorry, we didn't mean to confuse you, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper. We just had no idea Canada was so gullible!

Naomi Watts leaving the Smile Cafe on Bond Street ... ... Hugh Jackman walking downtown ... Miley Cyrus leaving Bergdorf Goodman through the back door ... Sienna Miller coming home from the gym and later walking her dog in SoHo ... Elijah Wood getting lunch at The Market & Cafe in Greenport, New York ... Levi Johnston leaving the Portofino Tanning Salon on the Upper West Side ... Derek Jeter filming scenes for The Other Guys at Nathan's on Coney Island ... Chris Brown arriving at the studios of Wendy Williams Show in Midtown ... and Liev Schreiber carrying a cup of coffee in SoHo.

It's like an E.T.A. Hoffman bird. So cute and sweet in the beginning, more and more ominous as the story progresses.

Is it worse if a married star brings men or ladies into the rest room for a little nookie? Maybe an S&M loving actor or a famous lady with reconstructed ears (yes, ears!) can advise. Probably not.

Imprisoned journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee were freed from North Korea's clutches in August. One week later, Ling—the more telegenic one, with the famous sister—was shopping a book. But Euna Lee beat her to a book deal!

With 100 buyoutlayoffs already assured by the end of the year, the New York Times is tossing in a bit more good news for employees: 25 additional layoffs, thanks to the magical economics of outsourcing.

People outside New York all used to live in giant mansions with Jacuzzis and closets the size of Luxembourg. Now they have to give these things up. The greatest tragedy? Buyers "are in danger of being underwhelmed."

• Hedge funder Steve Stuart, who left Fortress Investment Group in 2007 to found his own firm, has finally found a buyer for his 35th floor apartment at the Park Laurel on West 63rd Street. The four-bedroom condo, which Stuart bought for $5.4 million in 2004 and put on the market for $10.8 million in October 2008, sold this week to an unidentified buyer for $7.4 million. [Cityfile, Corcoran]
• Prolific real estate investor Michael Hirtenstein is the mystery buyer who has agreed to purchase financier Armon Bar-Tur's townhouse at 92 Charles Street. Hirtenstein picked up the four-bedroom home, which was most recently listed for $14.95 million, for "about $13.5 million." [NYP]
• Longtime Dakota residents Connie Chung and Maury Povich are preparing to leave New York. The couple has gone into contract to buy a 12,500-square-foot home in Washington, DC for $8.98 million, although Chung says they're not planning on moving into the new home until 2010 or 2011. [WSJ]

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

Fashion publicist and MTV reality show fixture Kelly Cutrone turns 44 today. Chris Noth is turning 55. Whoopi Goldberg is 54. Gerard Butler celebrates the big 4-0 today. Jimmy Kimmel is 42. Film director Garry Marshall is turning 75. Former Jets quarterback Vinny Testaverde turns 46. Sun Microsystems co-founder Scott McNealy is 55. Veteran TV reporter Peter Arnett turns 75. Strokes bassist Nikolai Fraiture is turning 31. Joe Mantegna is 62. And NBA star Ron Artest is turning 30. A handful of weekend birthdays are below.

The papers have toured around the world, from London to the Bay, abandoned their slavish devotion to Fort Hood and Afghanistan and come up with a day of fun stories that feature MC Hammer as a fashion icon among others.

• In what may be the weirdest celebrity extortion attempt ever, a German male model named Edis Kayalar has been arrested for trying to blackmail Cindy Crawford and her husband Rande Gerber with a "sexy" photo of the couple's then 7-year-old daughter "in revealing clothing, bound to a chair and gagged." Apparently, the pic had been taking by the girl's former babysitter during an innocent game of cops and robbers and she used to date Kayalar. [NYDN, People]
• All those phone calls that Michael Lohan recorded may ultimately land him in jail (again). A 2005 protective order obtained by Dina Lohan banned him from communicating with her by email or phone until 2011. [TMZ]
• Spend enough time on Twitter and you, too, may find yourself dating a beautiful young starlet! Emmy Rossum says her relationship with Counting Crows singer Adam Duritz "began with a Tweet," believe it or not. [People]

The New York liberal media elite has been nice so far, laughing with him rather than at him. Today, they seem to have tired of their plaything.

Cindy Crawford is in the midst of a horrifying extortion case, Chris Brown gets heckled, Daniel Radcliffe "laughs his head off" when he's high. Friday's gossip ranges from the depths of depravity to the pleasantly banal.

The Post and the Times both covered this story, about a man accused of robbery whose alibi was a Facebook status update. Both papers though, censored the update itself, which was apparently "indecipherable". Except it wasn't.