The Philadelphia Inquirer still runs op-eds by John Yoo, legal mastermind behind torture, illegal detention.

Scott Stapp denies that a tour bus video of him and Kid Rock is a sex tape, Jon Gosselin relinquishes primary custody, Suri Cruise has the worst time of her life at The Lion King. Welcome to Monday gossip.

There are two books out — Going Rogue, 'written' by Palin. And Going Rouge, a parody. Many, including, CNN, USA Today and Fox News, keep getting confused and picking the wrong one. Now Palin's publisher is taking drastic measures.

This, and other burning questions, will terrorize you for nights on end after you read this article on the art of telegenic spray-tan sculpting.

America's favorite Is He or Isn't He?, Adam Lambert, likes it both ways, but mostly he likes it with men, in their mouths. Please allow him to show you exactly how, on television at the American Music Awards.

As Alyssa Bustamante's cache of "Jackass stunt" videos resurface on YouTube, Missouri's penal system finds itself at its wits' end trying to accommodate a rare beast: the violent female juvenile offender.

Anyone dreading another entertainment news cycle dominated by "Twilight," shut your eyes now: The sexy vampires of "New Moon" came, they saw, they earned $258.8 million worldwide last weekend. There is no way to avoid writing about this.

Jennifer Lopez just fell during her performance at the American Music Awards, which now gives everyone an excuse to care about this poor-man's Grammys.

Ugh: So, single- vs. double-sided printing is now a health care issue. Republicans are lugging around copies of the health care bill to protest "big" government (HA)—but they are unsustainably printing single-sided to make the bill look bigger!

Ho hum. Another day, another radiation leak at the infamous Three Mile Island nuclear plant in Pennsylvania. Why are we even bothering to report this? It's so insignificant as far as these things go. ("These things" being radiation leaks.)

Oh, hello there, Stephanie Marsh of the Sunday Times. When you write an essay called "New York has lost its edge," and you live here, it's okay. When you're writing from London...

Behold the power of the sparkly vampire. How much money do you think Robert Pattinson's dead-eyed stare brought into the people who birthed Twlight: New Moon into this world? Well, you're probably short a few million.

Circulation rates going up! That's great! Print's dying and someone's succeeding! THANK GOD. Except, not. While circulations go up, fewer people are getting newspapers circulated to them. How?

Watching the NYT get feisty telling anyone to stick it up their ass (and use words like "absurd"): fun, even if it's Lloyd Blankfein. They end their editorial with the Bureau of the Public Debt's address. Wishful thinking. [NYT]

So, there's this band, Owl City, and they have songs, and teenagers like them. The song is basically a complete ripoff of the Postal Service, a great act. Given the chance to speak? More music dumbquotes to the Times, GO:

Awww yeeeah. Did you know people are rapping at weddings? You KNOW what this means. Phyllis Nefler's gonna throw down on some sick rhymes over Robert Woletz-produced beat of the NYT's Weddings & Celebrations. Let the beat build, Phyllis:

Remember the moment you knew MySpace was doomed? It came in the form of obnoxious ads. Which your Twitter stream is about to be. So: are you making that cash, or being cashed in on? Pay Per Post is back.

A movie with a giggle-worthy title and great cast that you've probably never heard of. Neither had we.

I must've inadvertently done a rain dance to the gossip gods yesterday, because here at Gawker Weekend HQ, Christmas is here. Not often do I get too many O RLY?! moments like this. Everyone, meet my boss Nick's new neighbor:

RobPatz and K-Stew are doing it, a lot, instead of promotions. Jay-Z doesn't want to piss off Beyonce. Christie Brinkley: psycho. Diddy: birthday boy. Marv Albert Vs. 50 Cent? Fight of the year! Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup: