The federal government declares tomorrow SNOWCLOSED. So...we don't have to go to work, right?

Brittany Murphy's life was cut short at 32 when she passed away this morning. The latest piece of news is that her husband, Simon Monjack, reportedly told Cedars-Sinai staffers that he didn't want there to be an autopsy. Who?

"Guerilla Radio," indeed. Remember angry 90s WTO-protest mascots Rage Against the Machine? Well, they and their fans decided to take on British holiday radio playlists dominated The Pop Music-Industrial-Complex Machine. And they won, pissing off Simon Cowell in the process.

What're the odds: four siblings, admitted into the same Yale class? Not bad. BOOLA BOOLA!

2009 has been a year of surprising, untimely celebrity deaths. Brittany Murphy's sudden death this morning is no different. Here, we take a look back at her very diverse roles throughout the troubled actress's extensive career.

A literary blind item in the New York Times? Yes! Buried in novelist Margo Rabb's NYT Sunday Book Review essay about increases in shoplifting at bookstores is an anecdote about an unnamed author who jacked his own product from one.

Once it hits your lips, Altarcations are so good. Phyllis Nefler will drink the NYT's Weddings & Celebrations milkshake beerbong like it's nobody's business, especially when it's got good guest stars like this week's. Tell 'em what's up, Nef:

TMZ is reporting that Brittany Murphy, who had long been said to struggle with drugs, died last night after going into cardiac arrest. Paramedics weren't able to revive her. The actress, who launched her career with Clueless, was 32.

In what's inevitably a bid for another TV show, Tila Tequila announced on Twitter that she'll be carrying the child of her brother and his wife as a "present" for them. I can't wait for the show. I have ideas.

Satires have been entertaining us since before Jonathan Swift proposed we eat the Irish, Paul Verhoeven is no Swift, but he's made a lot of clever movies. So what if they happen to be absurdly violent?

Kevin Jonas got married, probably laid. Jersey Shore kids in New York. Are they loved or hated? Kate Hudson's parents love her sooooooooo much. People wants to kill Brad Pitt's spirit. SJP vs. Dress. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup!

You may have noticed that tonight's SNL was slightly gay. So, what better way to up the testosterone level than with another "Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals" sketch? This time, it was Christmas animals. And it was hilarious.

Tonight's episode of SNL—hosted by James Franco—featured a recurring sketch about the Vogelchecks, the overly affectionate family. In it, Franco made out with Bill Hader and Will Forte. But Franco is totally not gay, guys. It's called acting!

Gawker's 2009 123 Reasons to Love New York Right Now. Because there are never enough, and there are always more.

Welcome to the inaugural edition of The Vintage Gawker Collection, where we'll roll out old posts from the vault in full to provide perspective on the present. Tonight: Jessica Coen's 2005 post, 123 Reasons to Love New York Right Now.

Dave Attell takes topics that we all know shouldn't be joked about and turns it into comedy gold. This clip is no different. Here's a clip of Dave talking about smoking in a bar with a retarded man.

Wow. Talk about burying the lede. Obama and Clinton went BAD. ASS on some sucka climate change opposition. The two've been chipping away at this Copenhagen summit, but it took them busting down a door to get things "handled." Observe:

No matter how lonely it gets, kids, please remember: jumping or horsecock: never the answer.

Well, as it turns out, Washington DC residents know exactly how much of a joke 911 is in their own town, after a cop. Pulled a gun. On kids. Throwing snowballs. Yeah, and they're reading this cop the riot act.

When making beverage selections for the remaining holiday parties, actual holidays, and the oncoming New Year's Eve benders, one should employ discretion, lest you end up with a terrible hangover and a sauce gut. Not afraid to be servicey: