Currently under house arrest in a comfy chalet in Gstaad, Switzerland, convicted sex offender Roman Polanski has some very unique dilemmas, but he has solutions—he's suing the photographers who take his picture and sending warm wishes to supporters.

Today at Gawker.TV, the Snooki Punch reenacted by dogs, Family Guy's failed predecessor's rare pilot episode, Mythbusters takes on matches and guns, grannies on greenscreen, and Arrested Development's Maeby takes on the Teen Witch "Take That" rap-battle.

• How did World News anchor Diane Sawyer do in her first week? Better than Katie Couric, but not as well as Brian Williams. (So-so, in other words.) [NYT]
• TV news: MSNBC is taking heat for not really covering the attempted terror attack on Christmas Day; NBC News has been scolded by a journalism ethics committee; CNN's ratings were down 30 percent in 2009, more than any other cable network; and ethics-free Fox News just recorded its best year ever.
• Comedy Central has canceled The Jeff Dunham Show, thankfully. [NYT]
• Know how TV networks give you the programming for free, but pay their bills by airing commercials? Yea, well, it isn't the best business model, FYI. [AP]
• How many product placements appear in Avatar? A bunch! [Brandchannel]
• Charlie Sheen's arrest hasn't hurt ratings of Two and a Half Men. Phew! [LAT]
• How did TMZ get duped by that JFK photo? Harvey Levin isn't saying. [NYT]
• Editor & Publisher's last issue has shipped and will close down on Thu. [E&P]
• Legendary caricaturist David Levine died today. He was 83. [NYT]

It's generally accepted that Chinese gymnasts are some of the best in the world. Apparently, it's due to hours of dedicated practice—and what looks to be in this video—child abuse. Ouch!

The Way We Live Now: Desperately seeking Alpha. That is totally just some Wall Street slogan I heard somewhere! It would be more accurate to say we're too broke to even afford snow plows, for our homeless snow den hovels.

Al Franken has mastered the world of comedy, the domain of radio, and was elected to the senate by defeating an incumbent. The last frontier? Freehand geography. That map doesn't stand a chance.

Guys! Andy Martin, the crazy antisemite who started the "Obama is a Muslim" rumor and who is now running gay-baiting ads against some Republican in Illinois, went to college with Roger Ebert!

As the 2000s become the 2010s, we all feel a little bit different and older, even if we can't see it. Not so for the liberal's Walter Cronkite, Jon Stewart.

Times Magazine interview condenser Deborah Solomon is her usual condescending self in her interview with actual criminal, torture memo author, and terrible lawyer John Yoo. But this guy deserves way, way worse than Solomon's bored contempt.

We can't imagine you were thinking about spending New Year's Eve in the middle of Times Square shivering with a million or so other people. But if you were contemplating the idea, you'll be pleased to hear that the NYPD is beefing up security for the big event and will have "radiation and biological detection devices" on hand, "decontamination facilities" at the ready, and sniper teams in position. (All you need to bring is a hat and a flask of whiskey hidden in your pants, and you'll be good to go!) Oh, and if you notice anything suspicious, don't hesitate to take Mayor Bloomberg's advice: "If you see anything, they'll be plenty of police officers to talk to. Walk up and say, 'Hey, I may be wrong, but that guy looks nefarious.'" (Just be prepared to explain to the cop what "nefarious" means, of course.) [Fox5]

There's nothing like a good, old-fashioned wipe-out to make us laugh. Today, some snow, a sled, and some spectacle.

You gotta hand it to Americans, they're crafty. If MTV doesn't want to show Snooki getting punched in the face, people will re-create it in as many ways possible until our craving for misogynistic violence is satisfied. Today's re-interpretation: puppies.

Despite the fact that we're partial to Apple products in general, this spoof is spot-on and hilarious. Lyrics like "a Nano in pink? anything is possible?" and "if you're on a PC then you're not CEO!" put us in stitches.

In your windswept Tuesday media column: Mexico is all fucked up, the NYT is too stingy for its own good, E&P may be saying goodbye for good, and Sam Zell's still golden.

Alia Shawkat, better known as Maeby on Arrested Development, stars in this promo for designer Rachel Antonoff's 2010 collection. Rachel's also featured alongside Alia in this tribute to the "Top That" scene from Teen Witch.

Did you know in 1996 Seth Macfarlane made a pilot for Cartoon Network called Larry and Steve? It happened. Peter, Brian, and Quagmire were all a part of the show as slightly askew versions of their present selves.

Check it out, it's a Family Guy made just for twelve year olds and people that like animated pratfalls more than bizarre sexual innuendo based on eighties primetime.

The Society of Professional Journalists is scolding NBC News for buying its "exclusive" interview with David Goldman—the father of that Brazilian kid—by chartering a jet to fly father, son, and NBC reporter back to the U.S. Shocking, indeed.