After the dismal opening of atrocious musical Nine, the Weinstein-hating community is on tenterhooks awaiting at last the loathsome duo's spectacular implosion. Alas, it appears that the Weinsteins will dwindle away with a whimper, not disappear with a satisfying bang.

Researchers have discovered that teenagers have very acute perceptions of risk. Other researchers have discovered that retail employees are incredibly successful thieves. These researchers should talk to each other!

This dog has so much fun sliding into a pool he does it again and again and again.

[Leighton Meester narrowly escaped being the first known Rock Band-related choking fatality thanks to a fast-acting fan who saved her life at Klutch nightclub in Miami last night. Image via Pacific Coast News]

Jimmy Kimmel walking around SoHo yesterday with friends ... Diane Kruger shopping for baby clothes on the Upper East Side ... Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon arriving at JFK ... Sarah Jessica Parker walking to the public library in the West Village with son James ... Bethenny Frankel leaving Rockefeller Center yesterday after an appearance on the Today show... Ugly Betty's America Ferrera walking her dog on Broadway, just south of Union Square ... Catherine Zeta-Jones signing autographs outside the Walter Kerr Theatre on Monday night ... and Brad Pitt carrying daughter Shiloh on the set of Salt at Pier 66.

Earlier this month, Conde Nast filed a lawsuit to try to find the identities of hackers who posted images of Conde magazines online in November, prior to their publication. Conde Nast has no patience for electronic chicanery from common layabouts.

Fat kid wants to impress his friends by cannonballing into a lake. However, the temperature is below 32 degrees fahrenheit. Water does a little something that some in the science community refer to as "freeze." Fail written all over it.

If a face is a person's calling card, this star just ordered a new box of 5,000. Also reordering are a actress who wants her ex back and a socialite who wanted to reschedule a funeral. Here's my card!

When a giant iguana washes to shore people are scared, but one little girl decides to make friends.

Thanks to a snafu in Congress that dates back to 2001, the estate tax won't apply during 2011. (The tax, which lays claim to half of a person's estate provided they have more than $3.5 million in assets, will return in 2011.) If you're thinking that legal technicality might encourage some rich people to try and hold off on dying until the ball drops in Times Square, well, you're right on the money. [WSJ]

Blogger Anil Dash is, along with Heidi Montag, Jet Blue and Janet Jackson, on Twitter's Suggested User List which gives him hundreds of thousands of newbie followers. He writes about what it's like to be one of Twitter's Chosen Ones.

On December 30, 1965 Heidi Fleiss was born. Today we take a look at the woman that Charlie Sheen made famous by paying her for sex.

She came into our lives in 1993 when she was arrested in connection to an elite Los Angeles prostitution ring. From selling her body to drug addiction, this Hollywood madam might often fear the long arm of the law, but she's never been afraid of removing her clothes and taking on two and a half men. She's now running a hotel for dogs in Nevada or is it a coin operated laundry machine emporium? Well, whatever it is, it's going to take a back seat as Fleiss is to appear on Season 3 of Celebrity Rehab— begging the question, why haven't people gone back to watching sitcoms yet?

Our greatest fears have been confirmed: stereotypical hippie behaviors have been found to give you anthrax. Maybe this will wake those hippies up??

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

• David Boies—the famed trial lawyer who represented Al Gore in the contested presidential election of 2000, and counts Michael Moore, George Steinbrenner, Calvin Klein, and Harvey Weinstein as a few of his high-profile clients—has picked up a new apartment on Fifth Avenue. Boies and his third wife Mary paid $7.75 million for a 35th-floor apartment at the Sherry-Netherland. The couple snagged a healthy discount, too. The seven-room spread first went on the market for $9.95 million in April. [Cityfile, WBM]

The Wall Street Journal does a piece of recession cultural anthropology today about Japanese people abandoning their preference for living alone and shacking up with roommates. Clearly, the Journal haven't been to New York. Or read Vice this month.

• Did you hear the story that made the rounds yesterday about how Tiger Woods' wife Elin whacked the golf champ in the face with a 9-iron after she discovered text messages from Rachel Uchitel, and the injuries he sustained in the aftermath (a fractured cheekbone, two cracked teeth) forced him to fly to Phoenix to have reconstructive surgery and explains why he's been out of public sight all this time? It probably isn't true, unfortunately, but it sure is an entertaining tale, isn't it? Also not true: The dubious reports that Tiger Woods has gone to rehab or is now shacking up with Rachel Uchitel, the later of which you can credit Uchitel herself with spreading as she desperately tries to cling to the spotlight. [DM, P6]
• Joe Halderman, the man accused of extorting David Letterman, has come up with a new—and very creative—defense. In a new court filing, his lawyer argues that if it isn't a crime for Tiger Woods' mistresses to seek payouts to keep their mouths shut, Halderman's attempt to get the TV host to pay him to stay silent about Letterman's flings shouldn't be a crime either. [NYDN]
• In addition to all the other horrible stuff he's accused of, Michael Lohan's ex-fiancée Erin Muller says he once beat her with a stilletto heel and "put a lit cigarette out on her scalp," too. Lohan's lawyer claims Muller is making it all up. And Michael himself has taken to Twitter to accuse Muller of drug abuse and incest. Because he's classy like that. [P6, TMZ, Twitter]
• Susan Sarandon was spotted sharing crepes with a younger guy at 2am in the Village the other night, but it wasn't Jonathan Bricklin, her ping-pong club business partner and supposed man-friend, alas. [NYDN]

Tiger Woods is 34 today. The Huffington Post wrote something about it. But no one told Google ads that now is still not the time sell things based on Woods' athleticism. Especially not next to articles about his cheating.

Lady Gaga L-O-V-E-S SuBo but worries about the Hairy Angel diluting her brand. Madonna messes up a Malawian orphanage. Sarandon robs the cradle. Mark Wahlberg bitches about his neighbors the Beckhams. Wednesday gossip, fresh 'n' juicy.