After a long hiatus due to hip replacement surgery, Regis made his triumphant return to Regis & Kelly last week. And he still has no idea how to use a telephone. This is not a recent development.

Comical RNC chairman/urban-suburban hiphop settings expert Michael Steele has been called into an emergency meeting! It seems that Republican congressional leaders had no idea he was releasing a book until they saw their party head promoting it on cable news.

I don't know who or what is behind "Comedy.com," but this is a very amusing parody of the Huffington Post.

Didn't that create a little shitstorm! (And not just because I apparently "ruined" two movies that have been out for ages.) The most telling response was one I got from a married guy I know.

CBS's Early Show highlighted a couple who plan to pay for their upcoming wedding by collecting four-hundred-thousand aluminum cans and cashing in their recycling money. Thrifty, sure, but who wants bags upon bags of cans all over your home?

Emily Pataki had some trouble passing the bar exam a couple of years ago and she's been working as an unpaid intern at a law firm until recently, but that didn't stop the Bloomberg administration from handing the daughter of New York's former governor a job in his administration. So what's she going to be doing over there? According to the mayor's spokesman, she'll be working on "human trafficking issues." Reassuring! [NYP]

Imagine going into a port-a-potty and when you open the door, you're in the middle of a business meeting. The confused looks on these pranked people are priceless.

Don't, under any circumstances, talk to a New York Times reporter about your personal life.

The LA Times is changing its front section deadline to 6 p.m. (from 11 p.m.)—because they agreed to sell the late-night print run to Murdoch's Wall Street Journal. [Via David Carr's Twitter]

Using explosives to put out a forest fire is as counter-intuitive as it is awesome. Opening a beer with another beer is just plain neat. Learn these moves because you're never going to be brave enough to do this otherwise.

Just in case you had any doubts that Polaroid had really named Lady Gaga its "creative director" this week, the pop star showed off her fancy new business card on Twitter this morning to prove it. Thankfully, she crossed out the contact info, just so her obsessive fans don't besiege her with calls at Polaroid's Minnetonka, Minnesota headquarters, and where, we're guessing, she'll be spending much of her time from now on. Coming soon: Snaps of her new office and the Polaroid cafeteria! [MTV]

New Jersey legislator who becomes Assembly Leader on Tuesday in an email to a lobbyist he allegedly schtupped, via Page Six. The NJ Assembly wouldn't consider legalizing gay marriage unless it passed the State Senate; yesterday the measure failed.

Yesterday we heard various reports of NBC shuffling their Late Night schedule: Leno's cancelled! Conan's out! Fallon's a transexual! Carson Daly's under suicide watch! Anyway, Jay Leno took some time to address these rumors during his monologue last night.

The FBI raided the Queens apartment of a suspected terrorist, and then the terrorist crashed his car on the Whitestone Expressway at 4 p.m.. Asshole.

You can watch the entire miserable segment here, if you are in too good a mood this morning! George just lets Rudy babble on and on and on, without bothering to correct or challenge him, on anything. Like, for example, in addition to 9/11, some other guy did the exact same thing as this underwear bomber did, in December of 2001, only with a shoe, instead of underwear. And everyone knows and remembers this. George remembers this! But why bother to bring it up?

He's none too happy about it. It's the oldest trick in the book, but she won't be happy if she hangs with this band of terrorist Hollywood mommies or a tormenting actress. It really is cruel to be kind.

If there's one thing that kids do that's adorable, it's arguing about computer platforms and dropping F-bombs.

Sexy wrongful dismissal suit time! Conde Nast fired a Brides employee for making like a Brooklyn high school romance language teacher and showing her sports bra to friends, in her office, while talking about her breast augmentation surgery. [Via Romenesko]

This sketch from 1979's Mr. Mike's Mondo Video proves that cats really can swim—if taught by a hunk in a half-shirt. Though its comedy hinges on action nearing animal abuse, cats are natural swimmers, adorably awkward in action.

[Sarah Silverman gets snapped in Los Angeles yesterday; image via Bauer-Griffin]