It looks like working at a newspaper really is one of the worst jobs in America. It was bad enough when you had to worry you could be laid off at any minute. Now you might get frostbite, too:

• Those rumors about Tiger Woods in rehab have returned. According to People, Woods checked into a sex rehab clinic around New Year's and will be there until "Valentine's Day or thereabouts." (Perfect timing!) As for his estranged wife, Elin Nordegren, she's moved into a new home that's just a couple of miles from the gated community where she used to live with Woods. [People, TMZ, NYDN]
• Have Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel split up? That's what some people are saying, since she spent the last week climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro while he was in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. And couples that are really in love would never spend a moment apart, would they? Didn't think so. [Radar]
• The Post reported a few days ago that Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly have made plans to get married in November. Naturally, this had led the Daily News to report today that the story is totally untrue and the couple hasn't even discussed getting engaged, at least according to one of Minka's friends. [NYDN]
• Forbes released its list of Hollywood's "top-earning couples" yesterday. The winner? That would be Beyoncé and Jay-Z, who reeled in $122 million last year, or more than double what Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt collected. Possibly related: Beyoncé said yesterday that she plans to take a "hiatus" from singing so she can "live life." Which is what you'd do, too, if you made nine figures over the last 12 months. [Forbes, NYDN]
• The Conan-Leno mess is bad news for NBC. But it's also made late-night TV sorta watchable again, which is nice. [Gawker]

The Haiti earthquake dominates the front pages — it's too chaotic to say precisely how many were killed or injured, but it's not looking good. The Post, meanwhile, splashes on a bad op-ed about Obama. What else would they do?

The Red Cross says three million may have been affected by the Haiti earthquake.

"Eat my panties off me," Mrs. Pratt rhythmically coos. Vogue threatens Anna Wintour's town car, Elin Nordegren invests in another house, Ryan Seacrest cries over Simon. Come, plumb the depths of Wednesday's gossip.

Most years wait until about May for their required cabbie-returns-valuable-thing story. Not 2010! It's got in there early with the tale of Mukul Asadujjaman, a Bangladeshi cab driver who drove 50 miles to an address he found with the money.

Grey's Anatomy star Patrick Dempsey turns 44 today. The show's creator and head writer, Shonda Rhimes, is turning 40. Party-hopping author Jay McInerney is 55. Orlando Bloom is turning 33. Julia-Louis Dreyfus is 49. Former Citigroup chief Chuck Prince turns 60. Actress Penelope Ann Miller is 46. Former Seventeen editor Atoosa Rubenstein is 38. And season three American Idol reject William Hung turns 27 today.

You know how it goes — you invite the guys over to take drugs, inhale aerosols, have sex in your dungeon and play a little Russian roulette with your .44 caliber Rossi revolver. Then someone gets killed and everyone judges.

Tila Tequila recently tweeted, "I HAVE NO FRIENDS!" But once, she did. An ex-boyfriend tells Gawker about the gap between Tila's "gangbanger" youth and famewhoring present: She was an alcohol-intolerant straight-edger with a split personality and unyielding ambition.

Apparently it isn't just crackpot southern states that harbor a desire to go it alone. Vermont, which as a republic would have strong maple syrup exports, looks set to have several secessionist candidates running for office this year. [AP]

Neverland giraffes Rambo and Jabbar Jr. were discovered dead yesterday in Arizona's Bonjoko Wildlife Preserve, where staff suspect "foul play"; control of the beasts' $100,000 emergency fund had recently sparked a legal battle. Necropsies are under way. [TMZ Pictured:Jabbar]

A leaked email from NYU Law's student listserv reveals a fight to book Snooki at a bargain-basement rate of $2000. As the email battle rages, Snooki's price rises. A comparative analysis reveals post-bar-brawl Snooki as the show's fastest-rising moneymaker.

Conan O'Brien took to the airwaves tonight on the day he announced he'll leave NBC if he has to follow Jay Leno with another NBC/Leno-bashing broadcast. David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel and Craig Ferguson joined in, while Leno stayed mostly quiet.

We like Zach Galifianakis so much we won't ruin this post by complaining that anyone who first discovered him by watching "The Hangover" doesn't deserve to call themselves a Galifianakis fan. Whoops! Anyway, he is starring in a new film.

Jon Stewart does a lot of things right. Last night, though, he blew his chance to eviscerate John Yoo—author of the Bush torture memos. But tonight he made everything right with this charming mea culpa.

We don't blame Sarah Palin for underwhelming us tonight. If anything, it was our own fault for hoping she'd use the opportunity of her first day as a Fox News analyst to roll out the 2010 version of "Death Panels."

Nick Kroll is everywhere nowadays. I can't spin a dead cat over my head without hitting...um...well Nick Kroll would have made that joke work. In this clip he talks about racist food and the guy he met while ordering a fillet-o-fish sandwich.

CNN is about where we all are when it comes to the earthquake in Haiti: Scouring social networks for eyewitness accounts. This live-streaming Canadian videoblogger just got called, on air, from a CNN producer looking for sources in Haiti.

In an extraordinary blog posting, Google has all but accused the Chinese government of coordinating hack attacks on its servers, not just in China but in the U.S. and globally. And it's decided to finally push back against the regime.

[January 11. Photo: Flickr/mementosis]