As Jason Linkins says: "Wow. Before Law And Order: SVU rips this headline, they will need to edit it."

If you're looking to get caught up on the late-night chaos at NBC and you're fluent in Chinese, the Taiwanese production company that produced that very amusing Tiger Woods animation a few weeks ago has a new masterpiece. Conan and Jay morph into superheros about halfway through, which is sort of weird. And Jeff Zucker's animated likeness is about forty pounds lighter. But that's probably because the video shows the NBC CEO personally dragging Conan's set off The Tonight Show stage and replacing it with Jay Leno's set-up. The video is below.

Following hot on the heels of explosive blockbusters The Lady's Man and Superstar, SNL takes another stab at it with the sketch-to-movie adaptation of MacGruber. One thing is for sure: the trailer will be the best thing about this movie.

Students at NYU Law couldn't come up with the cash to have Snooki from MTV's Jersey Shore make an appearance last week. But either undergrads at Yale have more of their parents' money to blow or they're simply more determined because they have two Jersey Shore cast members booked between now and the weekend. (Vinny will be there on Thursday; Snooki is scheduled to make an appearance this weekend.) "Will Snooki find love and existential fulfillment at Yale? Will she find a New Poughkeepsie in New Haven?" Maybe not, but the $10K she'll walk away with should be reward enough. [IvyGate, previously]

Riding high off of her success from youthful roles in 80s staples Who's the Boss? and Commando, Alyssa Milano made her own exercise video in 1988, the workout/dance/sleepover double entendre Teen Steam.

Norm Coleman will not campaign for governor of Minnesota, because his family opposes a run. But he does plan on challenging the result of that family vote in court, and the appeal is expected to last until at least May.

The Saturday-Night-Live-skit-to-movie transition is a dicey proposition, but a MacGruber movie seemed an especially horrible idea. Then we actually laughed at the trailer! Fashioning three minutes of funny from two hours of unfunny isn't that hard, so we're not fully sold.

The premiere episode of Sundance's Be Good Johnny Weir explored the nuanced rise of Olympic figure-skater Johnny Weir. If the TV blogosphere is anything to go by, it seems like America has fallen in love with Weir literally overnight.

Joe Halderman, the man accused of attempting to blackmail David Letterman, won't be getting off thanks to Tiger Woods. A judge put the kibosh on a motion by Halderman's lawyer, Gerald Shargel, who'd argued that if Woods' mistresses had sought a payoff to keep quiet and they hadn't been prosecuted, Halderman should be free to do so, too. [NYDN]

While watching the CW's new (and not bad) Life Unexpected we realized we never want to see another answering machine on screen ever again. Here are some other lazy storytelling devices that modern life has deemed irrelevant.

Oh, George Lopez. So far under the late night radar that no one even notices when movie stars drop in. Movie stars! But drop in they did, as Jennifer Lopez tried her hand at the late night comedy shtick.

At least there's a Harold Ford interview to entertain us today. Has Prince Hal changed his tune on Wall Street bonuses, or health care reform? No one knows, because the Daily News reporter was not allowed to ask about "issues."

Be Good Johnny Weir, a peculiarly thoughtful new documentary series about be-spangled Olympic figure skater Johnny Weir, premiered on the Sundance Channel last night and we gave it a watch. And you know what? The kid's all right.

Last night the host of The Daily Show let out his frustration. It seems his own party's management of majority leadership leaves something to be desired, especially when it comes to Massachusetts.

The problems appear to be piling up for John Utendahl, the banker best known for being the longtime boyfriend of Tyra Banks. Last Monday, the Post reported that the financial firm he founded, Utendahl Capital Management, had been forced to lay off staff, possibly because of the downturn in the economy. An exec at the firm denied the report, characterizing it as "malicious claims made by a former disgruntled employee." But new problems for Utendahl surfaced just a few days later.

Matt Taibbi translates David Brooks' "Why Haiti is Really Fucked up" column in the NYT last weekend: "Although it is true that Haiti was just like five minutes ago a victim of a random earthquake that killed tens of thousands of people, I'm going to skip right past the fake mourning period and point out that Haitians are a bunch of lazy niggers who can't keep their dongs in their pants and probably wouldn't be pancaked under fifty tons of rubble if they had spent a little more time over the years listening to the clarion call of white progress, and learning to use a freaking T-square, instead of singing and dancing and dabbling in not-entirely-Christian religions and making babies all the fucking time."
[True Slant]

Some girls need to learn how to take a hint. When you're the one asking for a kiss and it lasts all of five seconds, chances are he's not feeling it. Watch the newest Bachelor reject's nationally-televised humiliation below!

Here's a story on how doctors are hesitant to prescribe marijuana because they don't have enough scientific information about it, and here's a story about how the government refuses to approve studies of marijuana's medical properties. Hmm. [Pic via]

Amid the chaos of the Late Night Wars, Jeff Zucker decided to try to set the record straight by appearing on Charlie Rose. He remained very political throughout, but the fact remains the same: Jeff Zucker is a terrible executive.