Michael Johnson, a.k.a. Tiger Mandingo, was found guilty Thursday in St. Charles, Missouri, on five counts pertaining to his HIV status: One count of recklessly infecting a partner with HIV, one count of attempting to recklessly infect a partner with HIV, and three counts of recklessly exposing partners to HIV.

New Jersey Governor and snack gourmand Chris Christie stopped by the key primary state of New Hampshire today. At which point, Christie called for a major boost in military funding. But don’t fret over what this means for NSA snooping, because according to the bridge bandit himself, “All these fears are baloney.”

If you had to guess which CNN anchor lashed out at satirical website Clickhole this afternoon, your first pick would be the idiot Don Lemon, right? Mine too. Sadly, we’d both be wrong—it was actually Lemon’s slightly more credible colleague, Anderson Cooper.

Hillary Clinton’s latest financial disclosure confirms that she pulled in $225,500 last year to give a speech plugging a skeezy online-schooling company that Jeb Bush helped run. Because nothing in America unites ideological foes like that sweet sweet college cash.

The year is 1993. The location? A yellow-walled apartment living room, octagonally shaped. The music video for the Counting Crows’ instant classic “Mr. Jones” is being filmed, and Adam Duritz is buoyant, energized, and dressed up in loosely-fitted clothing. “My performance in this video will be remembered and paid tribute to long into the future,” Duritz thinks. “I know this to be true.”

Did you get your degree in nutritional and health sciences from James Adam University? Your cyber crime bachelor’s from Brooklyn Park? Or did you attend Hansford University, or Harvey? A graduate of Mary Grand High School or West Coast High? You probably don’t need me to tell you this, but you wasted your money.

If the U.S. is an oligarchy in which moneyed corporate interests control the government, does it make more sense for activists to give up on influencing the government, and attack corporations directly?

Three weeks ago, a Nassau County Supreme Court justice ended a bitter three-year custody dispute between Fox News anchor Bill O’Reilly and his ex-wife, Maureen McPhilmy, by granting custody of the couple’s two minor children to McPhilmy. Though nearly all documents pertaining to New York family court cases are sealed, Gawker has learned that the justice in the case heard testimony accusing O’Reilly of physically assaulting his wife in the couple’s Manhasset home.

Bobby Jindal launched a presidential exploratory committee today, because hey, that’s what you do. Presumably he’ll be exploring outside the state he governs, because as much as Louisianans hate Democrats and Obummer, they hate Bobby more, a new poll shows.

The critically acclaimed AMC original series Mad Men ended its run last night after seven seasons and 92 episodes of prestige period drama. Creator Matthew Weiner’s ode to the advertising industry in the middle of the 20th century was one of the most talked-about shows of the last decade, with each episode lovingly (and sometimes not-so-lovingly) dissected by a dedicated army of recappers, reviewers and television critics.

Waco police have arrested 170 people in connection with Sunday’s deadly shootout between rival biker gangs outside a restaurant that left nine dead and at least 18 injured. The suspects are being charged with “engaging in organized crime.”

After a recent controversy erupted in Long Island City regarding a piece of artwork that many deemed ugly—some compared the eight-foot tall bright pink sculpture to “Gumby’s grandmother”—a new bill has passed that would give neighborhoods some input before public works are installed.

Faithful Gawker readers and generally literate Americans already know Marco Rubio is a mouth-breathing spoiled moron who will not be president. But do they know the glorious ways in which he illustrated his crass ineptitude and cynicism this week? Let us count them:

By about 5:30 p.m. on Saturday, throngs of eager New Yorkers were assembled outside 190 Bowery, hoping for access to a just-announced art show inside the 150-year-old former bank building. First Show / Last Show was celebrated as a chance for the public to see inside 190—which has been mostly inaccessible for decades—before the arrival of its new tenants. Not many people got in.

On Friday, a beautiful Boston couple celebrated the end of the work week by stopping for a apparent blow job in the middle of the Boston subway.

A Texas mom says she stopped by her son’s elementary school Wednesday after he got in trouble for a cafeteria food fight, and was shocked to discover the 9-year-old had been locked in a tiny, frigid “focus room”—basically solitary confinement for kids.

Hamdi Ulukaya, the recently demoted CEO of garbage yogurt company Chobani, is now focusing his efforts on “developing new products like Flips, a yogurt with toppings on the side.” The only way that could be a more blatant ripoff of Fage would be if Chobani also tasted good.

South Carolina Senator and sentient mint julep Lindsey Graham is busy running around hinting coyly at a “big announcement” he has coming up on June 1. But he managed to find some time to let a group of Iowa republicans know that, should any of them even think about joining ISIS, Lindsey Graham will find them, and he will kill them.

The big controversy in the political pseudo-journalist world this week: the stunning revelations that ABC news anchor George Stephanopoulos made undisclosed contributions to the Clinton Foundation. Allow us to point out that George Stephanopoulos never should have been a news anchor YOU IDIOTS!!!!

President Obama will announce Monday a ban on the federal transfer of some military-style weapons to local police departments and impose stricter regulations on others.