Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner got the pounding he was most certainly expecting when he headed to Capitol Hill today to answer questions about the bailout of AIG. If you missed it because you spent the entire afternoon discussing that new unfortunately-named oversized iPhone that Apple introduced today, you can watch one of the more heated exchanges after the jump.
Now you've done it. You decided to shirk your responsibilities and take out your acoustic guitar. As you sang along to your poor pitiful bluegrass, your computer was set to voice command. All the former islanders have become those annoying people that sit outside coffeeshops and act like you owe them a quarter because they were publically riffing on some Waylen Jennings cover. Way to go, loser. You have failed the company, and most likely you'll be murdered in your sleep. Sucks to be you right now, but at least nobody can say you didn't take your music career seriously.
No doubt, Steve Jobs showed off a compelling tablet computer today, one that should excite people who make videogames, TV shows — even books. But today's Apple iPad debut was a big letdown for magazine and newspaper people.
Years ago, MadTV anticipated the jokes we'd be making today about Apple's chosen name for their tablet. "With the new iPad, I can just hook up my Apple to my Peach, and I can download protection for a thousand periods!"
Keep this boat captain away from icebergs. And also: boats.
Thanks to make-over shows and reality television, every girl in America thinks that they need "a gay." Sorry, ladies, but gay men have no interest in being your pink, glittery accessory. In fact, there are some rules for these relationships.
CNBC's coverage of the Apple iPad went downhill when a female anchor equated the tablet to the types of products that women use once a month. The male anchors couldn't hold back their distaste for the comparison.
Getting a ticket to the Vanity Fair Oscar party is pretty close to impossible. You either have to be really famous, really beautiful, or really rich (and if you fall into the latter category, you'll be expected to return the favor by giving Graydon Carter unfettered access to your jet, or enough capital to open a new restaurant). But that's changed. Now anyone can attend!
Well, you've become completely entranced in girl on girl porn, which had an arousing butterfly effect turning Initiative's plans into complete failure. Everyone that had been subjected to living on the island have found themselves riddled with unsatisfiable sexual desires and in response will ruin their lives and die with a multitude of STDs covering their genitals. Any good you might have been able to accomplish is nullified, and the higher-ups know it. The last thing you see before their hitman knifes you is the video accompanying the file labeled, "Juliet Burke." As you see her mess around with Brad Pitt's wife, you die with a smile on your perverted face.
If you're going to set up a website pretending to be the official site of the World Economic Forum in Davos, and you're going to issue an apology in the name of the CEO of Goldman Sachs for creating "massive unemployment and misery," you probably want to make sure you spell the guy's name correctly. Also: Get a native English speaker to draft the press release. The small details make all the difference! [via BusinessInsider]
"Is your closet overloaded with designer clothes and shoes? Do you carry your teacup Maltese as an accessory? Do you live in an amazing home with maids, a chef, a personal assistant or a driver? Do you live a lifestyle everyone envies?"
